How Do *You* Avoid Consumer Temptation?
by Katy on June 27, 2025 · 86 comments
I’ve been practicing extreme frugality since 1998 when a copy of The Tightwad Gazette landed in my lap. I then got extra frugal and stopped buying anything new in 2006! It was kind of hard when I first started, but in time it became second nature. I rarely have any temptation to overspend now.
So when Non-Consumer Advocate readers or Facebook group members write asking for advice on how to spend less, sometimes the best advice comes from you, not me.
So today I ask you, dear readers:
How do you avoid consumer temptation? What advice do you have for people who continue to struggle with their spending?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. Thank you!
Katy Wolk-Stanley
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”
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{ 86 comments… read them below or add one }
whenever I’m itching for a new this or that unnecessary home decor, I rearrange the furniture, bric-a-brac and/or pictures on the wall. For some reason, that stops the craving to buy something new!
Embrace thrifting! It’s amazing how many BRAND-NEW, TAGS STILL ON things you can find that people donate.
Well, husband left his wallet at my sister’s yesterday, so he’s 20 hours in to not spending a dime! (It fell out of his pocket…fortunately at her house.)
We are implementing a new strategy to see how this works (fortunately, we didn’t start yesterday since his wallet is at my sisters). If it works, it will only work when we are together, but every little bit helps. We’re going to carry each other’s bank cards…me his and him mine. We don’t know each other’s pin numbers. That means we have to consult each other for as little as a candy bar. I’m diabetic and his last A1C indicated prediabetes, so neither of us NEED a candy bar. If we get one, we usually get one we both like and split it.
I ALWAYS check the clearance racks first. It’s rare that I find anything, but once in a while, I will stumble onto something. Most recent score was a box of Raisin Bran. It’s a cereal we eat regularly. Retail, $6.19. I got it for $3.09. The bottom of the box flap wasn’t sealed and was taped shut with packing tape.
Our laptop is in the process of giving up the ghost and replacing it is currently not an option. I’m using it very sparingly to nurse it along. Online shopping cut drastically. I could use my phone, but I don’t. Screen is too small.
3 years ago at Christmas, our daughter bought me a 12-pack of socks. I had socks, so I only got out one pair as I had to replace a pair I already had. I still have about 6 pair unopened after 3 years. I do the same with underwear. May be stained and have holes here and there, but I continue to wear them until they practically disinegrate before replacing with a new pair. Forget the adage our mothers told us about being sure to wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident. If I’m in an accident, chances are I’ve messed them on impact anyway.
Because there are only 2 of us, we keep a running list on a white board in the kitchen of things as we run out of them or things we need to get to fix a meal. One of the things we eat periodically is Egg Roll in a Bowl. When we buy the sausage from the local butcher, we buy several pounds and freeze. Sometimes we eat pancakes and sausage and the butcher is only open Thursday afternoon, Friday all day and Saturday morning. The rest of the week he’s either butchering, smoking, grinding, prepping. They only make what they expect to sell, so everything is fresh. The loose sausage wrapped in 1 lb packages. I keep an eyeout for sales or marked down cans of bamboo shoots and water chestnuts to have on hand. Then the only thing we need fresh is a bag of cole slaw mix. Then, when we go to the store, I take a pix of the white board, only buy what is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, then mark those items off the white board. We only buy as needed instead of doing a big grocery shop. Other than milk, the only things I need to buy before next week is a small jar of sliced olives and 1 green pepper. I have to make macaroni salad for a potluck and those are the only 2 ingredients I don’t have.
And, I need tell you all – and this is no lie – that I met my husband in 1992 through a matchmaking column in a little classified magazine (which was free). He had placed the ad. I answered it. It cost me $3.58 to answer the ad ($3, plus 2 -29 cent stamps). We’ll be married 31 years in October.
Melissa, I laughed out loud when I read your hilarious take on clean underwear. And I love you and your husband’s origin story.
Melissa, I also met my DH through a classified ad, though it was online (back in the early, early days of the internet in 1998). The site was free, as I recall, and then we started emailing, which was free for me as I used the computers at the lab where I worked. ha. I knew he really was interested when he gave me his phone number and said I could call him collect (we lived in the same state, but four hours apart). True love.
And regarding underwear, if I’m in an accident, and in dire need of medical attention, I would hope my nurses and doctor would care a heck of a lot more about getting my vitals than checking the cleanliness of my undergarments!
I just figure with medical and emergency personnel, they’ve seen it all before.
Same with repair people like plumbers: My house isn’t the clean standard I would like, but they have seen far, far worse.
Karen A., et al,
I, too, met my DH online back in 1998, on a dating website. Turned out he lived less than a mile away from me. Ha. We’ve been married 26 years.
I met my husband in what some might consider the modern version of a classified ad: on a dating site! One of his answers to the prompted questions was that he wanted to retire early. My frugal self thought “I CAN WORK WITH THIS” and immediately messaged him. 😀
I met my ex husband on the Internet in 1986. Problem 1: explaining to everyone else what the Internet is. Heh.
On USENET? Say more!
I LOVE how you met your husband! As for underpants: the only car wreck I have been in, I was on my way to pick up a pizza (years ago now) and it was late and I was lazy so I decided to go commando. My pickup was totaled and I ended up in the ER. I believe the nurse actually sniffed in disgust when she found I had no underpants on. And I have to admit that my very first thought after “Am I alive?” was, “I am not wearing underpants!”
@Lindsey, AGAIN you make me laugh. “I am not wearing underpants!” would have been my second thought, too.
Perhaps download what files are most important to a thumb drive. Get advice from someone who knows more than I. Then you could access from a library computer (assuming no viruses lurk).
The “clean underwear” BS came from the era where gossip queens reigned and there was no HIPAA. A bunch of biddies who had nothing better to do than disparage another woman. I remember the days of “you can’t play with J because her folks are divorced”. Really – like J had a say in the matter? Or C keeps an immaculate house – yeah she had too many babies too close together. She’s stuck at home while the kids are at school and hubby is at work. She has NOTHING better to do but clean the house, she’s bored stiff, her brain is rotting. This was NOT the life for me and I made sure it did not happen.
My Amazon Wish List is where “Almost” purchases go to die. I treat it as my Wish To Save My Money Instead list.
I do this too! It really works. My experiences with my ex husband, who spent,spent,spent, left me with a mind set of save, save, save. I just purchased my forever home in Nov 2024, and paid cash. Got the seller down $4K too.
Yay! Good for you.
I have done the math and figured out what I get paid per minute at my well-paying but painfully boring job.
Then, when I’m tempted I ask myself if I want to trade , for example, 46 minutes of my life for said object, because in the end, that’s what I’m doing – spending my life minutes.
Same.
1. I concur with all of the above recommendations. One that I will add — whenever I think about making a purchase, I look at my savings account. Do I want this doodad, or do I want my savings to grow? In these times, I am so scared about what may happen, I usually choose savings.
I don’t look. My biggest temptation is antiques, so I deliberately do not peruse auction catalogs. I don’t look at emails from Anthro or Eileen Fisher or other clothing brands I like if I don’t need any clothes. Just delete unread.
Shopping in my area is ridiculous anyway, so I never shop in person. No thanks, I don’t need any Prada or Loewes or Louis Vuitton. I might go in person to J. Crew (the cheapest clothing store around) if I need something, but I don’t.
We have wonderful thrift stores here but I don’t go into them as I need nothing.
We rarely eat out, and if we do it’s a $28 pizza, so I make good food at home. I am very tempted today to make strawberry shortcake but I’m better off skipping the cake and cream. (Although….) I shop at the local supermarkets (which are still $$$$) rather than the gourmet stores. Planning on grilled chicken and leftover arugula for dinner.
I don’t eat out either, because I have severe digestive issues. It’s like a built in ban on spending!
I’m sorry. It sucks. I have colitis but I wouldn’t call it a severe issue. It’s no fun but lots of people have way worse.
That said, it’s almost my son’s birthday and time to continue with our tradition of me buying a heart-attack-inducing 2-lb lobster, plus oysters to start and champagne, at the same old place my family’s been buying lobsters since the 20s. Really, I care more about the continuting the tradition of birthday lobsters (his favorite food) than I do saving the eyewatering amount it adds up to.
I loathe seafood, so I get crudites to start and a burger and fries. coughcheapdatecough
Rose,
Same here…..I like some kinds of mild tasting fish, but a big NOPE to pretty much any other type of seafood. My parents love/loved allll the shellfish, including raw oysters and raw clams (shudder). I guess I didn’t inherit that gene.
I also use the word “loathe” whenever I can. 🙂
…..forgot to mention, I love that you’re maintaining that family tradition. 🙂
AND you know the difference between loathe and loath.
My mother got my son started on lobster when he was two. And sometimes when my parents visited out here, we’d get live lobsters from the same place and cook them. I made my dad toss them in the water because I felt too guilty. Mom and Son would go to town eating lobster on our second-floor deck, tossing the grosser bits to seagulls.
After my mother went into a nursing home, I’d buy her lobster salad, from the same place, and bring it to her.
My son is the opposite of me. He likes everything and will try anything.
Rose, I envy you the burger, just another food item in a long list of things I can no longer eat. At least I can still have Rice Chex! Love cereal for dinner.
@Rose – how is a 2 lb lobster heart attack inducing? Even if you melt a stick or more of butter and consume it with said lobster I don’t see it.
-I create mini-challenges for myself and turn everything into a “game” to make it fun. I share my “wins” with friends/family who respect my creative approaches.
-I use the gift of technology to research and find resources that help me to fix/repair/replace at no/little cost to me.
-I lean into the community offerings that provide information, resources and connection around sustainability and practices I align with. It helps to have community!
-I shop my home first. I rearrange and rotate things so I feel like I have *newness* happening so things don’t feel stale.
-I ask friends/family before purchasing something they may have that I can borrow. I partner with others when I can to share/rotate things we don’t need all the time.
-I don’t use retail places as a form of entertainment to avoid temptation. If I’m out and see something I want I take a photo of it and then give myself time to either comparison shop for a better deal or find it for free/resell.
-I plan gifts as far in advance as possible and gift experiences/food when I can.
For me, what works is staying out of stores that have the most temptation for me to indulge in “impulse purchases”. Same applies to staying off websites that are tempting for me.
I also apply the Bible verse to my life that says “having food and raiment (clothing), let us be content.”
Having helped my parents downsize out of their 3000SF house in the Midwest has made me determined to not acquire anything that doesn’t have a specific immediate use.
Periodically going through my stuff to declutter also deters me from buying things when I know how much I have and I’m fairly minimalist to begin with. And I don’t go shopping to entertain myself – I go with a list.
JC,
After cleaning out a sister in law’s house after her passing, my in-law’s house, and helping my mom downsize – TWICE – over the years, I’ve come to the same conclusion. I try to buy things I know we need and can use NOW, and have made a big effort to get rid of a lot of extraneous stuff. I will never be a minimalist, but stuff sitting in my basement unused helps no one.
Liz, I’m with you on this; after my mother died, my father wanted me to help him with donating her clothing and things he didn’t want to keep, so I handled that. He died 18 months later, and I dealt with his things. I downsized to a 700 sq ft condo, so there won’t be a lot for my great nephew to do. (My only child passed in 2020 from cancer).
Trish- I am sorry for your loss
Trish, may their memory be a blessing.
I am loving all the tips and inspiration in the comments so far!
We simply don’t have a high enough income to allow for much temptation, but planning and treating thrift as a game are probably our biggest secrets.. A few things we do include:
– First and foremost, it is about values first, not thrift. It doesn’t feel like deprivation when it comes from a place of personal values. Being thrifty aligns with our environmental, humanitarian, and low consumption values. Being able to afford to live comfortably and save a bit on a small income is simply a happy side effect.
– We have two separate lists, needs and wants. Outside of food, rarely is a need immediate and we try to plan ahead, so usually an item sits on the need list until we find it for free or cheap second hand, cheap on sale locally, find a work-around with something we have already, borrow the item, or discover we never really needed it anyway. Honestly, thrifting or garage saling with the lists in hand is a bit more thrilling, especially when we DO find a long sought after item. The satisfaction of finally crossing it off the list is almost better than getting the actual item!
– We don’t order online unless absolutely necessary. This is more from the place of our personal values (we would rather support local businesses, or at least local employers if that fails). The side effect is that we have learned patience since you can’t always source things locally, at least not immediately.
– We try to follow a basic recipe for satisfying a want/need: Do we have something that will work? Can we make something that will work? Can we borrow it from our circle of neighbors and friends? Can we find it free on Buy Nothing or during college move-out, aka “hippie Christmas?” Can we find it used? And then finally, can we find a good deal on new? Wants are rarely if ever purchased new.
– Food and drink treats out are our weak point, so we have a $40 a week cash allowance. This amount allows for: 4 coffee dates at our favorite locally owned cafe, or two pints with dumplings at a local watering hole plus one coffee date, a lunch out (sometimes with enough left for a coffee date, depending on where we have lunch), or a single inexpensive dinner out. Whatever is left over from the $40 at the end of the week goes into our thrifting coin purse, which is used to buy needs or wants from our list, as well as allowing for the occasional spontaneous purchase or for covering a larger outing such as a movie, festival, or taking family out for a meal. For example, we are planning to attend a local cultural festival in two weeks, so for the last month we have been forgoing one coffee date each week so we could put $10 in the coin purse to cover tickets and any small purchases we decide to make.
I stay out of stores unless I have a list and a need. Thankfully shopping for recreation was not part of my childhood. In fact, I struggle to make myself go to the store and buy what I need since I really do loathe stores. I find them utterly overwhelming.
I unsubscribe to every single marketing email that comes. Immediately.
1) I naturally hate waste (wasted time, wasted money, wasted food, wasted effort), so that general approach to life helps me try to optimize. Buying something I don’t use makes me twitch.
2) We spent plenty, but we are heavily skewed to the experience side of spending vs “things”. We’re just not big things people. Other than watches for DH, which surprises me, but whatever. He has a few, and loves them. That’s not my jam.
3) If I “need” something, I ask myself if I can borrow it, if I can use something else instead, and/or if I really “need” it.
Hawaii Planner, same here on all three of yours! Except my husband doesn’t own a single watch.
Different JC here,
I intensely dislike shopping, it’s all of the people crowding that gets to me the most. Thrift shopping with family for needs only works for me.
I feel like its the TV or advertising that creates “wants” for me….so I don’t watch. I don’t shop online and haven’t since the pandemic.
I feel like if my home is comfortable, clean and in good repair it is all I need.
I am trying to conserve in all areas because the times are scary.
If I can feel content at home I am happy.
JC
Time and patience are my anti-consumer tools. I have been wanting a Christmas colored, Mountain Weave tablecloth from the Vermont Country Store for years. I’ve put it in my cart a few times, and talked myself out of it. A couple of weeks ago I found exactly the tablecloth I’ve been coveting at the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Christmas items were deeply discounted in June, and my holiday self will be so happy that I waited.
I forgot to mention, but the Mountain Weave tablecloth was over $100.00, that’s what’s always stopped me, but was $4.00 at Salvation Army that day.
Way to go Donna!!!!
WooHoooo, Donna! I love when that happens!
What helps me to avoid consumer temptation:
1) Have an attitude of gratitude. I try to think of 3 things each day I am thankful for. When I am thankful, I am more content and not tempted to compare what I have/don’t have with others.
2) I’ve unsubscribed to shopping type email lists. I don’t subscribe to magazines and I don’t watch much TV. Since I listen to free Spotify and free podcasts they will promote ads. I just use that time to think about what I listened to or think about other things I need to do. I learned to “tune it out”.
3) I don’t go into stores unless I need to. When I go I stick to my list!
4) I try to be creative with what I have. I have made it a game to not have to go to the store. If a relative, or friend, has a birthday I go to my “gift tote” and pick something from there (I teach elementary school and receive various gifts for Christmas and will usually regift half of what I have).
5) Make a list of things you like to do that don’t cost much or are free. When you are tempted to spend, chose something from that list and do it. I go for a walk, write an email to a faraway friend, read a book at the library or at home.
Your #5 really resonates. I have been reading about decision fatigue – and one go-round is to pre-emptively make the decision, or pre-emptively list three options. I currently am struggling with decision fatigue at dinner time, so I pre-emptively decide what is for dinner at some point before noon. and then take action (such as pull out all the ingredients so they are ready to go, or find a recipe, or thaw something from the freezer, or even cook the food in the morning so it is ‘fast food’ at dinner time). Your list of things to do other than shop is brilliant.
I prefer to do the shopping in the sense that if I give my husband a list, he will come home with 2 or 3 things (minimum) that weren’t on the list. He shops like a woman – can go in a store and browse for HOURS. I shop like a man – get what I need and GET OUT!
My parents were the opposite. Mom didn’t particularly care for shopping. Dad could spend hours in a grocery store or hardware store, (though would only leave with what he intended to buy in the first place).
I don’t do much shopping online because I like to see and touch things and check the quality. Especially for clothing.
I can imagine that the hardware store visits were also an opportunity to chat with other “ shoppers.”
These aren’t ‘male’ or ‘female’ traits, honestly. My dad adores shopping. If he had his way and unlimited money he’d never stop shopping. My mother hates it. It’s not that she’s a tightwad exactly, she just finds it dull and unfulfilling.
Their money habits are unaligned and although they have been married 50 years, it has caused problems. My father has never met a dollar he wasn’t dying to spend and my poor mother has spent their whole marriage trying to rein him in. Fortunately, my husband and I have very similar money habits.
Stay out of stores, including online websites. Don’t look at ads: we only have digital newspaper subscriptions and I bypass all the ads, just like on blogs and other websites.
Read historical fiction. Lives not that long ago were much sparser and more difficult. That helps me appreciate what we have today: electricity, plumbing, appliances, abundant and “safe” food sources, modern transportation, modern medicine, etc.
Focus on what you do have and never try to keep up with others. The more people over consume the more it drives me to consume less.
Have friends that will engage in frugal activities with you.
Reach an age (mid to late sixties for us) where you can easily imagine having to downsize or, heaven forbid, leave an estate for someone else to deal with.
Challenging myself to make the most of what I have around me; food, ingredients, free activities, people who have different skills, YouTube!
Knowing that stuff is temporary and it’s not even close to the most important thing in life. Keeping priorities aimed in the right place and remembering why I want to save money or be frugal and set a good example to my family.
I hate the waste culture in America and how destructive it is on nature and our own mental health. I try and find ways to use things I have before I get something new and I like to research before I buy anything, even little things add up.
‘Today is a day you never have to go through again’ is a mentality I’ve carried with me for years. I don’t remember where I first heard it. But it helps when I’m having a bad day and want to reach for convenience and cost. Take a deep breath, today isn’t forever, it’s just one day and if you keep at it you’ll be amazed at what you can do and where you’ll be in a few weeks, months, or even a year from now.
Don’t let the bastards get you down 😉
I am a seamstress, so I spend many happy hours just sewing. I have 36 12”X 12” cubbies of fabric (stashed over some years), and my dining room is converted to the sewing room. I don’t have to purchase anything; I have everything I need for years of sewing enjoyment. I also volunteer for my local Hospice, in the sewing group; we make quilts for veterans and aprons, walker bags, etc.
My second volunteer job is with my county library, which is so great: I work in tech services, were all new books are received and catalogued. I take a picture of any book I am interested in, then reserve it when I get home. I volunteer every week, so I can pick up my holds then. I do all my errands on volunteer days, so I only have to drive once a week.
My parents were both depression era children, and we were quite poor growing up too (my mother’s neck was broken in a rear end collision when I was 6, she never worked a paying job again), so I learned at an early age to be frugal.
Thank you for your quilts for veterans.
We’ve also never had an income large enough to be big spenders, and even more so since we retired.
I deleted my Amazon account as a protest, but that also stops me from browsing aimlessly. I keep a list of what we need and purchase it after the larger of our Social Security checks is deposited. I stay out of the thrift shop unless I need something and then pay cash for it,
We don’t have a TV. We don’t get magazines. We don’t go into stores. If I need something I try to borrow before buying and shop the thrift store without exploring online to find out the very best options.
Maybe I’m just getting older, but I now ask myself when I’m listening to a podcast or watching some program what it is that they are trying to sell me. Most of what I hear has an underlying message about buying something or it is trying to create a fear of loss feeling that’ll make me think I need something I don’t. I don’t *NEED* much of anything and I’m pretty much past the fear of loss idea. I have learned to scavenge for a whole lot of things and I pick the berries I need for the year. There are things to spend money on, but there are so many things I do not actually need.:D
The majority of new things I bought were always gifts for friends from my travels, and I realized nobody was bringing ME “tchotchkes” or tee shirts and I wouldn’t have wanted them anyway, so I just stopped. I have a strict knowledge of the difference between “need” and “want” and there are plenty of thrift stores or free websites near me.
I bring people candy from the location. Especially when we did a lot of international travel, but even if we are going to another state, there is usually a regional favorite candy that is inexpensive, small, and seems to make people happy. Plus no adding to anyone else’s clutter!
Yes, I only bring people edible treats as souvenirs.
I ask myself how many hours of work (in other words my life) am I exchanging for this item. I am retired but I still do some contract work, so I can still use this about as effectively as I did when I was working full time. It really does put things in perspective.
I thought of you the other day. My brother now has an 8 week old presa canario puppy. Somehow my sibs always go for giant breeds! Odin, the new pup, is adorable.
Lindsey, so glad someone mentioned this, that simple question has saved me so much money over time, I too am retired now but I still find myself asking this question! If I can get past that one my next questios to myself are how much will it cost per use and how long will it last me! I have no debt and paid off my 30 year mortgage in less than 12 years using these simple questions to myself. I do many of the things mentioned as well! I love the ways we can make saving into a game, I challenge myself to these games all the time, it’s so much fun! I disregard expiration dates on most foods as they are arbitrary and not really meaningful. I stock up big time when I see a deal on something I use all the time and have been known to completely clearance shelf or two! I rotate my home decor, completely boxing up several my favorite pieces for a year or more and when I finally pull them back out I so enjoy rediscovering them all over again!
Our kids live in an insanely expensive Colorado mountain town. The Pitkin County dump has a store called the Motherlode Mercantile. We find deliriously great deals there. Some things we use to fix up our kids (and grandkid’s) place. Some things we use for ourselves, some we give to charity. We occasionally visit the the thrift store in town, but it’s not as cheap as the dump.
At home, I volunteer at a thrift store. Even there, I be sure to buy my treasures on sale days.
I also shop Grocery Outlet, Costco, Winco, and a neighborhood produce stand for the vast majority of our food purchases.
You remind me of my college freshman year English professor. He was fond of quoting George Barnard Shaw in saying something like “the quickest way to deal with temptation is to give in to it.”
Today is not the day for me to advise someone how to avoid temptation in spending.
But what I bought was frugal: 5 more boxes of flooring planks (15% off at Ollie’s Outlet through Sunday — it’s Ollie’s Army Days this week.) and a purse at Goodwill (using my 20% off coupon, so I only paid $7.). I have enough LVP to do both the computer room and hallway, at $1.61 a square foot. But I’m shooting myself for not having bought their Armstrong closeout earlier; right now there’s not enough Armstrong left in the store for a Barbie Doll House, what’s left does not match my other flooring colors….. but it’s only $1 a square foot. Darn.
All the flooring doesn’t have to match. In my previous house, built in 1820 but renovated a lot around 1930 or so, I had beautiful fir floors in some rooms, old oak in the dining room, newer oak in the kitchen and breakfast room, and our dressing room/office was the only room with the beautiful original pine.
Somehow, we coped, heh. Don’t worry about it!
One old time way to save on good flooring was to put the good stuff around the outside few feet of the room, then put cheap stuff in the middle where it would be covered by a rug.
Even just being aware of prices helps. I was in the supermarket yesterday. I happened to take notice of a shower curtain liner…$17.99! Granted, it was heavier in weight than the ones at Dollar Tree, but still…I’m quite happy with the one from Dollar Tree at $1.25.
There’s a brand of bread that I really like – it’s very soft and delicious, I can’t remember. I think it’s called rustic? Well it was marked on sale for five dollars a loaf, and I bought it because usually it’s a dollar more. I felt like I was getting a bargain, and when I got home, I realized How few slices are in the loaf. I am serious – six slices plus the heel!! That’s like a dollar a slice. Ridiculous. It’s delicious, but I’m not going to buy it again. Grocery prices are nuts.
Nope!
We did this as well (how many hours of work needed) when working and many things were determined unnecessary. We multiply out expenses that are monthly to get a hard look at what they cost us for a year, five years, 10 years. A nominal cost of $6 per month would be $360 if no price increases at the five year mark. I used to choke when coworkers shared that their cable and streaming bill was $290 a MONTH. Not my life/not my choice. But we’ll spend on our pets, trips, and inexpensive dining out here and there. I’m so thankful my husband does nearly all car and home repairs. And does so without complaint. I sometimes have to remember that he saves us a great deal on most projects so when he suggests dining out on half price Mexican night at our local restaurant, he’s earned it
I love giving and receiving good food gifts!
Somewhat similar to looking at annual costs is looking at cost per use. A $200 dress worn twice is $100 a wear. A pair of quality $200 shoes worn twice a week for two years is about $1 a wear, and your feet will thank you. A $50 appliance or Christmas decoration that only comes out five times in its lifetime is $10 a time, but it might have been worth the experience at those times. And so on.
When things were exceptionally tight, I took the hours of work calculation a little further by calculating the percentage of every dollar that represented our basic costs of living. So, for discretionary purchases, the item had to be worth the number of hours it took to earn *over and above our other costs.* This is immensely clarifying. It didn’t mean we didn’t splurge, but those things had to be truly worth it.
Sometimes if I feel like shopping, I look at one of those online lists that’s like, Ten Things You Really Need for Summer or whatever. I read the list, look at it, browse as much as I want. Then I put the thing(s) I want on my wish list and tell myself if I come back in two days and I still really really “need” that thing, I’ll buy it.
When I go back to the wishlist, I do not EVER want to buy any of it. I mean, if someone were to actually buy it for me as a gift I’d love it, but it’s never anything I need right that minute.
In all the years I’ve been doing this I have bought a sum total of one thing: a clever trap for fruit flies which really did work. Otherwise, all the stuff I didn’t need is basically still on there!
Great question and comments. Like others here, I have limited exposure to ads and other marketing stuff as I don’t watch TV, subscribe to catalogs or emails, read lifestyle content, or pay attention to digital ads. At this stage (in our mid 60s), my husband and I are very happy with what we already have. When we do need something, I often find it on Buy Nothing or at a thrift store. Getting rid of stuff is way more fun than acquiring more. I think I’ve mentioned before that my husband jokes that he’s surprised I haven’t slapped a free sign on his forehead and put him at the end of the driveway by now.
Last week I went to a Nordstrom Rack and I was so bored within a couple of minutes. Thrifting and looking for treasures to use or resell is much more fun. My neighborhood is having it’s annual yard sale tomorrow so I have been motivated to go through the house and declutter, and it feels so good. Less clutter means less to clean. I do tend to hold onto things since my 3 kids are still college-age-ish and not quite settled. But cleaning out my craft area and closet helped me remember some things that I already own that I had forgotten about.
I got married in 1993 and started reading the Tightwad Gazette newsletters in 1994. I even had a tip that I wrote published in one of the books (the 3 books have been consolidated to 1 more recently).
I struggle- I swing between extreme frugality and overspending. I’ve finally decided to invest in therapy to understand my mindset and what childhood experiences and parental messages I learned. And here’s what I am learning. A spendthrift, chaotic father (“I earned it, so I’m entitled to treat myself” from a very poor Irish family), against a backdrop of a viciously unhappy marriage. A mother who was sensible but gave us the teaching that nothing would ever be enough, because life (including my father) can’t be relied upon. So safety first, hoard money and punish yourself if you “give in”. It’s an emotionally exhausting way to live. Each spending decision isn’t rational, but a battle. I find real peace always reading these comments, because you all help me to reinforce the fact that being frugal doesn’t have to come from a mindset of fear and denial, just as taking pleasure from appropriate and mindful (hate that word!) spending doesn’t have to be something that I also punish myself for.
Good for you, Denise, to investigate the messages that were hurting and warping your mental well-being!
And good for you to invest the money on a therapist who could help you.
And for sharing your story with us.
Ditto to Heidi Louise. Denise, these are amazing insights. It sounds like you have the right therapist. Good work!
Good for you. Therapy can be an excellent investment.
I lived by the Tightwad Gazette! Amy is my hero rather than movie stars and narcissistic politicians. To anyway Katy’s question, I live
on a tight budget again since the fire sorta wiped me out, so other than slowly replacing stuff, and repairing things (which has required major repairs and is also the reason for the tight budget) in my old house. I moved back to it ( and was about to sell to my neighbor when the fire happened, so thankfully I still had it and we agreed to cancel the sale.) Neighbor is not happy with the repairs I am doing by certified , insured folks and keeps wanting me to use her friends. She says I am using expensive companies and it will drive up the cost of this house if I finally do sell it to her. My thoughts are I have no idea how long I am going to live here and I want repairs done with reputable companies with warranties. This is all complicated by the fact that houses do not generally increase in value bc this town is very poor, higher crime, isolated, with few amenities, and prices of houses have not escalated in thirty years. I have to live somewhere and this is where I have landed and it is convenient for work. This epistle to answer Katy’s question is that I am only doing the absolutely necessary repairs but with reputable companies. I cut neighbor’s trees that were hanging over my house and about to get my insurance cancelled and I used a tree company that was licensed and insured, not my neighbor’s cousin. I put in new windows and a new back door (the other door rotted and would not lock) and used a window and door company that was licensed and insured with warranties. The new storm windows have helped tremendously with the utilities in this house . I had the foundation worked on by a reputable company with warranties ( and still need some more work done) . So, I do pay for value but only do what is required. It is also the reason I drive a Toyota Corolla,
It is their cheapest car made now with a reputable company. Amy did the same with furniture. She would pay for antiques that would last but still tried to get a reasonable price.
Need versus want. One side of my paternal family has been in the US since 1660 (year he was born). We did not survive all this this time giving into wants, not needs. Can’t speak for my maternal side – a few wise ones who fought Union during the Civil War. Those that didn’t are basically trailer trash who really shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Like anything else in life, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I always look at how many hours I need to work to afford X (taxes factored in). Or if that amount is better saved for retirement – when income outside of retirement $$ is less.
I just don’t have the yearn to spend on “stuff”.
I have several strategies that helped form good habits, at by now the habits are almost iron-clad. It helps that I never liked shopping much.
1) I think about how companies manipulate us to buy things. Fake sales, candy by the register, end-caps, product placement, all of it. I focus on how much I hate being manipulated.
2) I put a pause on purchases. I think about it for a day, or a week, or a year, then decide.
3) I think about cost per use or failure cost. I never skimp on shoes and never buy poor-quality luggage. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.
4) If it’s something for the house – especially from travel – I need to know where I’m going to put it.
5) My standard travel souvenirs are a Christmas ornament (or key chain if I can’t find an ornament) and a fridge magnet. Almost universally available these days, even in obscure countries, inexpensive, often unbreakable, and my tree has a fantastic theme. Decorating it is like revisiting old trips.
My parents were creative, frugal environmentalists who made conscious choices about what they wanted in life – a large family on a musician’s income. They taught us a lot of skills, solving problems by buying a lot of new things just wasn’t how anything worked, and retail prices just seemed ludicrous since we almost always met needs without buying new. As I got older, I realized that there were times and places for spending for appearances, especially professional clothing that helped me get better compensation, but overall, it’s just not the way my mind works. You know the way SEALs react differently to stress than most people? Like that, but with sales pressure. I clamp down during auctions and am jaundiced about special sales. I have strong aesthetic preferences but am happy to wait until the incredible deal arrives – if anything, more regrets around not buying the few things that got away, especially when my instincts told me they were worth far more.
Also, I married a spendthrift. It’s frustrating sometimes, but I was madly in love and he’s worth every penny. In his family, thrifting and cutting back were signs of failure, not choices, so my economies cause some friction even though his choices make mine even more necessary. He’s also got a touch of the tism, so drinking the same bottled iced tea every day at about a thousand a year and eating work lunches out keep him on an even keel. It means a lot to him that I learned to accept and accommodate these needwants. And, he’s beginning to recognize what an impact they’ve had over time, so there may be more adjustment as he becomes more determined to retire.