I have a pile of half-written blog posts sitting in draft form. Unfortunately, however hard I try I just cannot make myself touch them. Yes, the premises are sound, but the inspiration has not struck. So today I ask you, my trusty readers to ask your questions. These questions can be about blogging, frugality, simple living, environmentalism or even how I get my hair to be both flyaway and stick straight. Really, anything. I will check in during throughout the day to answer all questions.
So . . .what are your questions?
If you want to take a stab at answering the questions as well, please do!
Katy Wolk-Stanley
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”
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{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
What personal finance sites do you like, if any? I used to like The Simple Dollar (which maybe I found through you…?), but the author recently sold the blog and it has gone to pieces.
Also, your boys seem pretty down-to-earth, but do you ever worry that they will change when they are out on their own? (I never grew up with much, but with a very “deprived” not frugal mindset, so when I finally had my own resources i initially overdid it.
I stopped reading The Simple Dollar a few years ago as I felt it was kind of boring. I read http://getrichslowly.org but mostly I’m not as much of a financial geek as I like to think I am.
Lately, I’m into blogs that promote DIY creativity. I love doing things to help my house not look like a hovel, yet I don’t really have the funds to hire the work out. So instead I’ve been having fun DIY-ing the crap out of the house. For example, the downstairs bedroom really needed a door on the closet, which I’m not able to do on my own. However, I was able to make a curtain, which was a great solution.
DIY blogs that I like right now are:
http://younghouselove.com
http://betterafter.blogspot.com
I think my older son will never be a big spender, but my older son starts spending his money five minutes before he gets it. In no way are my kids deprived, and my husband is a big ol’ softy when it comes to buying expensive sports gear and jerseys, so they actually get a lot of pricey stuff that way. Luckily, the boys are only 13 and 16, so there’s still a lot of time to influence them to the dark side before releasing them into the wild.
Also, I always point out when I’m doing some kind of weird money maker, so that they’ll be able to do similar stuff when they’re adults.
Katy
Katy – to fuel your recent DIY kick you HAVE to check out http://vintagerevivals.blogspot.ca
It is so awesome. This girl is incredibly creative, I think you’ll love it.
Thank you. I was trying to remember the name of that blog but couldn’t find it. I recently discovered that one as well!
Katy
And of course The Frugal Girl:
http://thefrugalgirl.com
Katy
Of course.
Here, I’ll get you started.
Do you kids ever balk at your frugality?
Yes. No. Both. Kind of.
My kids are extremely privileged. They both attend a magnet language immersion program that’s part of our public school system. They live in a big house in a safe neighborhood and want for nothing. Both really like going to thrift stores, (like they had a choice!) and could give a rip that none of their clothing is ever new. (Except for sports uniforms.)
Because they grew up with me as their mother, they don’t miss vacations in Mexico or frequent restaurant meals. They know that pocket money comes from jobs, (babysitting, lifeguarding, selling old belongings, etc.) and don’t blink en eye when their rooms gets furnished with curbside finds.
I’ve always made sure to give them lots of frugal treats, like weekends spent in one of grandma’s guest cottages, and free or discounted baked goodies.
It is entirely possible to practice extreme frugality while also giving your kids everything they could ever want.
Poor guys. 😉
Katy
Yes! With all that second hand shopping that you do, do you have any concern about bed bugs? The city that I live in, Vancouver BC, is effected by bed bugs and because of that I’m shying away from thrift and second hand shopping.
What are your thoughts on the risks of bed bugs within the second hand market?
I try to both not think about bed bugs while simultaneously keeping aware of the issue.
For the most part, I’m not buying upholstered furniture, and I *always* launder Goodwill clothing as soon as I bring it home. (David Sedaris once write about getting crabs from a pair of thrift store jeans, which gave me a bit of the heebie-jeebies.)
I did recently buy a patio set which has upholstered cushions, but it’s been sitting on my front porch, not inside. I’ll wash the cushions once we get some hot weather.
So far, we’ve been unaffected, although I know it’s also an issue here in Portland.
Katy
I saw a very cute vintage chair at goodwill that would have needed to be upholstered. I passed on it (but am still thinking about it) because of the fear of bedbugs. I cannot bring myself to by anything upholstered secondhand. I too launder clothing immediately.
Also, I LOVE David Sedaris (Amy Sedaris is pretty darn funny too).
If something would need to be reupholstered, then it would have all the fabric and batting torn off anyway.
And you do know that I worked with David Sedaris as a fellow elf when I lived in NYC in 1988. Although I only kind of remember him, as there was a lot of us elves.
Katy
What! You worked as an elf along with David Sedaris? That is so funny/random, it sounds like the start to a joke! 🙂
Me too! I found this AMAZING tufted green velvet sofa in amazing condition for $80 at a local thrift store. This place was a treasure trove but I got to thinking about bed bugs, and then I researched it and that’s when I really freaked myself out. Especially because according to a bed bug reporting site I found online the particular area where this thrift shop is located has had a lot of reports.
I’ve decided that I’ll do a lot of my thrifting in Bellingham, a small town across the border that I am in most weekends. They’ve got lots of good thrift shops and very few bed bug problems. But oh, it is such a shame!
I do wonder if the resurgence in bed bugs that we are currently experiencing is related to the trend towards thrifting/CL/etc since 2008.
Could you have inspected the couch really well? My understanding is that bed bugs are actually pretty easy to find.
Katy
Katy, I’ve been thrift-shopping all my life and never once worried about washing secondhand clothes until I read that David Sedaris anecdote.
~shudder~
Such an educational dude. Ha!
Word.
Katy
Chicago has a raging bed bug problem. Before I became a SAHM I managed very high end gold coast condos that were always getting infested. Self serve laundry mats (where people take their bed bug infested bedding/clothing to wash) are hot spots for picking up the critters according to the exterminator I worked with. Apparently commercial laundries use practices that drastically reduce the chances of any bugs surviving (probably all the toxic chemicals).
Check with your local trusty exterminator, some have dogs trained to smell bed bugs (it really works! even in huge high rises the dogs could sniff out any bugs inside the condos even if there were only a few bugs in the unit). If you see that once in a lifetime couch, you could always hire the sniffing dogs to sniff it. Of course that costs money sooooo…I DIY.
Bed bugs cannot survive extremely hot temperatures or prolonged freezing. Living in IL this means that just about any thrift store score in the winter or summer can be bagged in heavy contractor bags and duct taped shut before you put it in your car. Contractor bags are like garbage bags only very strong and very large – large enough to bag a chair or tape a few together with duct tape and bag a couch.
Then leave the item bagged outside to roast/freeze. The black plastic will attract and hold the suns heat or keep moisture out if it is winter while freezing the item. You can use the contractor bag over and over. I leave things outside for three – five days in the heat and for at least a week in the cold.
I do live in absolute terror of roaches or roach eggs so on the very few occasions that I have purchased a second hand upholstered or electronic item I “bug bombed” it in the contractor bag and left it outside bagged for a few days. After a few days, if you open the bag and see any dead critters (and I have) close the bag and immediately take the whole shebang right to the dumpster. Since trash picking is a local past time, I helpfully tape a huge note on the bag that says “insect infestation” with crude stick drawings of roaches so only the brave will trash pick it.
Of course after you bug bomb something and there are no critters, you have to leave it outside out of the bag for as long as you can to air it out and not poison yourself with fumes. I follow up with a cleaning with my upholstery cleaner using no detergent just hot water. Of course, I might be a little OCD about this …
Weirdly enough, I never feel the need to decon anything off of freecycle…so my fear is completely irrational. I got an amazing breadmaker from a woman on freecycle and my husband almost fell out of his chair when I just picked it up, didn’t bag it for the car ride home, and marched it directly into the house! *laugh*
I always decon second hand clothing (my favorite thing to thrift for my family) – I tie the bag shut from the thrift store and bring it into the house and directly to the washer to wash in HOT water. If I can’t wash it immediately, the clothes stay in the bag in the yard – no exceptions.
I refuse to try on clothes before they are washed because the thought of people trying them on over an over again with crabs, fungal infections, staff infections of the skin etc. totally gives me the heebie jeebies. I know all our sizes and I am a bit of a whiz with the sewing machine , so as long as the fit is pretty close, it can usually be hemmed, nipped in, or a new zipper put in without risking critters or infections.
Katy – you are a nurse – tell me I am overly paranoid about the skin diseases! *laugh*
Ok, here’s a question I have for lots of frugal-living devotees: how did having young children impact your frugal lifestyle? I’m not talking about the usual things–cloth diapers, homemade baby food, secondhand clothing, etc.–but the impact of young children on your stamina and ability to engage in frugal work inside the home, such as hanging laundry, making dinner, etc. As the mother of 5-year-old twins, I think I do pretty well in the frugality department, but there’s a LOT of room for improvement. The fact that my extra-rambunctious kids are literally and constantly at my side (unless they’re at school or I have childcare) makes it very, very difficult to, say, bake bread, shop purposefully at the grocery store, make dinner, etc. I also find that our whole family goes through one illness after another as the kids bring germs home from school, making it very difficult to do the extra (frugal) activities I’d like to do and also making it very easy to veer off track. Any thoughts and/or tips?
Having kids made me more frugal, as I was given a copy of Amy Dacyczyn’s “Tightwad Gazette” when I was on maternity leave with my younger son.
I think the key is to not let the occasional frugal fail derail your efforts. Not everyone has to do the same things to stay frugal. I, for example do not bake bread except for the occasional treat. However, I do go to a bakery outlet and buy 12 loaves at a time, which I then stash in my freezer.
It can also be hard to stay frugal if you’re the only one in your community doing it. If all your friends and neighbors are spenders, it can seem pretty deprived and depressing. It’s good to read frugal blogs to stay motivated and customize your frugality towards what you enjoy and can stand doing.
Katy
I second reading frugal blogs! I was raised quite frugally, so I am lucky in the fact that most of what I do seems ‘normal’ to me and not like extra work. The area I live in now is pretty rural and so I come to blogland to find ideas, inspiration and like-minded folks 🙂
My kids are 2, 4 and 6 and there are times I know I could do more, but there are only 24 hours in a day and frankly there are times when I weigh the frugality vs. the time and energy of something. Life is a balancing act, so I just try to pick the things that are most important to me and make them a strict routine, and then have a list of things I’d like to do and chip away at it as I have time. I know I won’t be redoing any furniture for a few years, or selling great finds on Craigslist, and I’m fine with that. I just work on fitting frugal habits in where I can and don’t stress about all I *could* be doing.
Oh and for dinner my 2 secret weapons are my crockpot and a meal plan. On Sunday I sit down and look at the calendar and figure out which days I will need to cook dinner and pick a few meals off my master meal list of 50 or so go-to faves, plus one new recipe I want to try. I make a grocery list, hit the store on Monday morning (when all the kids are gone, I refuse to shop with them!) and then I’m done for the week. The busiest days I will throw something in the crockpot in the morning and then make maybe 1 side if I need to. I also tend to pick meals that I can prep during the day (after lunch usually) and then at 5 all I have to do it throw it together.
We have a counter that the kids do homework, reading or draw at while I make dinner but they are not actually allowed in the kitchen when I’m cooking. That makes a huge difference for me. Hope that helps 🙂
Claudia,
With two 5 year olds, I think you are doing great if you feed everyone and keep them alive till bedtime! *laugh* I have revised my expectations of what can reasonably get done in a week. My formula is:
what I used to get done in one day = what can actually get done in three days
I became insta frugal – just add baby when we found out I was expecting. It was like some switch was flipped in my brain. I went from spending all of our money on meals and services (cleaning, laundry, etc.) to cheerfully channeling a depression era homemaker, it was my version of nesting.
I second the crock pot meal for dinner! Also, I stopped hand making our bread when I found a breadmaker on freecycle. *grin* Dinner is never more than a 15 minute prep – it all goes into the crock pot with some seasonings in the morning. Bread is made in the breadmaker (it has a timer and starts itself at 1 a.m. for fresh bread by 6 a.m. for breakfast). The coffee pot has a timer too. My night time routine is to load up the coffee and bread makers, lay out our breakfast table and vitamins and have some computer time (reading frugal blogs of course). *evil grin*
I stopped shopping at grocery stores as the planning and time traveling and shopping were not yielding quality foods. Additionally we decided to go all organic (and as local as possible) about 3 years ago so shopping became an exercise in sticker shock and futility. Over a number of weeks I made a meal plan and my Husband took a few vacation days from work so I would be able to overhaul our style of eating. He also took over all childcare responsibilities for those few days (other than breast feeding) so I had time to get organized. We used our tax return one year to get started bulk buying. I made arrangements with a farmer a few hours away to purchase an organic free range half side of beef, pork, and chicken. I buy our organic produce in bulk from the wholesale produce market here. I eat what we can fresh and dehydrate or can the rest. I bulk buy organic whole wheat flour and beans in 25lb. batches. Scoop out a few pounds of flour and beans and then just leave the rest in your freezer. What we did is switched from going shopping at the store to “going shopping” in our basement which is essentially a large pantry with a freezer and some storage.
My eureka moment was when I deputized my (then) 2 year old as my little helper – it is the only way I could get anything done. *wry grin* And it doesn’t get done perfectly, but I am not planning on hostessing the Queen. You know how people buy those pretend kitchen sets for toddlers and pretend vacuums and “play” toys? Well my little gets to play with a real kitchen and a real vacuum! *laugh*
When I do dishes, she (now 4 years old) stands on a chair next to me next and the sink and I fill a plastic bin – her “sink” with a few inches of soapy water. She gets a sponge cut in half. I wash the glass dishes and pass her the plastic dishes or spoons for her to “wash”. She gets soaked and mostly just plays in the water but I get the dishes done and then I change her out of jammies. I used to do dishes after every meal. Now I just do them in the morning after breakfast (so yes – dinner dishes and the few lunch plates from yesterday soak in the sink over night – like I said, I’m NOT expecting royalty over, just my friends and family).
I get out the vacuum and she loves to vacuum. It isn’t perfect but she gets most of the dust and any big things and I use that time to quickly scrub the tub and use the brush to clean the toilet. If I need to I can quickly touch up any spots she missed but she has gotten really good from 2 – 4!!!
When I mop, she is my “helper” and is in charge of spraying the “floor soap” (vinegar and water from an old dish soap bottle). Yes she gets some on the bottom of the cabinets or sometimes is a bit too enthusiastic but I get the floor mopped!
When I am on a step stool cleaning the fan blades, (you know when you can see the thick dust on the fan and your husband thinks there is an animal up there?) she gets a rag and a plastic bin and “gets” to wipe down the dusty mop boards and the door details.
When I hang out our clothes, I hand her the washcloths and socks – the little things and she “gets” to hang them on a very low clothesline I tied from the fence to the porch. She doesn’t hang everything perfectly but it dries and I get everything else hung.
Our child also has age appropriate chores. She is responsible for “making her bed” in the morning. That means pulling up the sheet and comforter and arranging her pillow and stuffed animals in the morning. It isn’t how I would “make” a bed but you know what? She has a specific way she makes her bed and arranges her stuffed animals and it gives her a sense of satisfaction.
She is also responsible for pairing all the socks in our family (not just hers). I started this when she was three but could have started it sooner. We have a “socks box” we put all the single socks into and she sits on our bed or the couch and pairs them and then puts them back in the box for me to put away.
Just recently I showed her how to fold towels. She folds (actually we fold our towels in half then roll them) towels while I fold all the other laundry and it is a pretty even match since I fold much faster than she does. The towels are not perfect but they are charming!
I have an alarm set on my phone that goes off at 3:00 p.m. This is a good time of day when we don’t have anything else going on and before she is too tired to want to cooperate. When my phone goes off, it is time to pick up and put away all the toys, dolls, duplo blocks etc. that she has out while momma goes from room to room putting items away and putting away laundry etc. We rush a bit and try to do our “quick pick up” in 15 minutes (about as long as her attention span will stay focused). I will gradually increase our quick pick up time as she gets older if we need to.
If your little ones eat like mine does, try just putting out a toddler food tray. It seems small children like to eat four bites of food every hour and a half not finish an entire pb&j. I chop up some veggies, cut fruit or set out a bunch of grapes, apples and oranges, slice a few chunks of cheese, peel a hard boiled egg, etc. and put it all on a tray on the kitchen table for serve your self snacks. You can even make a pb&j and cut it into 4-6 pieces. She serves herself when she is hungry. Now I don’t stop every hour to make food just to get her water or milk. *smile* Also since breakfast and dinner are sit at the table meals, a come as you please lunch keeps our whole laid-back-during-the-day vibe going.
I love the Waldorf concept of meaningful work and a lot of unstructured outside play. When all else fails, I take my work outside and she plays in the sandbox or draws with chalk and that gives me time to hand sew buttons or shuck corn, or chop veggies for dinner! *wry grin*
I too don’t have as much time to tackle my frugal to do list but building fairy houses out of stones is why I stay home. My Pinterest inspiration projects will still be there when she is in school and she will be able to help! She (like her momma) likes to do “crafts”. *grin*
Hi Katy,
With 2 teens and my non-traditional job, our schedules are always crazy. I’m trying to get more organized and cut out emergency fast food. We’ve started experimenting with muffin-tin-sized portable food, like mini-meatloaves and such. Any suggestions? Many thanks!
Jennifer
This is hard one that I also struggle with. Luckily, I usually only work two days per week, and my husband makes dinner on those days. It’s good to keep a few emergency meals in the freezer like Trader Joe’s frozen gyoza/potstickers. Cook up a pot of rice, (we use a rice cooker, which I love!)and throw together a salad and you’re good to go.
One thing I always do is buy the biggest head of romaine lettuce I can find and immediately chop it and store it in a salad spinner in the fridge. Any liquid falls below the basket, which keeps it from getting slimy. This way I can pull a salad together in around a minute. The salad spinner container is big, but fits perfectly in one of our “crisper” drawers. I also make a fresh batch of salad dressing as soon as the old one is used up. Kind of a pain at the time, but I’m always glad I did it.
We bought a chest freezer last year, thinking we would cook up extra meals to have on hand. This has not happened, and is something I need to make myself do. Unfortunately, all that comes to mind if lasagna, and that’s hardly something to eat on a daily basis.
Anyone else have any advice for Jennifer?
Katy
Enchilladas, lasagna, soups, chilli, stews are all good to make a double batch and freeze leftovers in individual servings, so teens can heat as they need stuff, even at non meal times. Big batches of sloppy joe meat or taco meat is good too, even BBQ shredded pork or chicken. Then you just add buns, or tortillas and a meal is ready. A lot of burritos and wraps also can be made up and wrapped for individual heating in the microwave.
I love Stephanie O’Dea’s Crockpot365 site, she has tons of great crockpot meals that are easy to put together and let go all day, they don’t use any overly processed items either (for the most part) since her family is all gluten free.
A lot of crockpot meals can be assembled in freezer bags or containers, then in the morn you just toss one container in the pot and go. I do this a lot when I buy 15 lbs of chicken, split it up into bags, add spices and other ingredients and freeze. It takes all the thinking out of weekly meals, and even pre teens can get stuff cooking before mom or dad gets home.
That is great, thank you! Sadly, my current crock pot, (which I got for free from someone) is kind of too small for doing big family meals. I need to start keeping an eye out for a bigger one.
Katy
I had such high hopes for using my crockpot, but the one I have cooks way too hot, even on low. It ends up boiling everything. I am so disappointed. What brand of crockpot do you have?
Check out a cookbook called, “Don’t Panic, Dinner’s In the Freezer.” I’ve done 6 or 8 recipes and my kids LOVED each one. Each recipe is given in 4, 6, 8, and maybe even 12 serving size quantities so you can make as much or as little as you like. Our favorite is the taco meat recipe.
I’ll have to put that on hold at the library. Thanks!
Katy
Check out the website for “the world according to eggface for hundreds of recipes for mini muffins, meatloafs, and other yummy small portion size food. The author has had a gastric bypass surgery so she has to eat nutritious food in small portions. She is a great cook and I make a lot of her dishes. I have not had gastric bypass surgery but I am a small eater and like having mini foods to stash in the freezers for quick meals or snacks. I particularly love her little breakfast quiches (no crust). I pop a couple of them in the microwave for 30 seconds in the morning and I am good to go. My granddaughters like trying the dishes too and I think much of the appeal is in the small, portable size of the dishes.
That sounds great, thanks for sharing!
Katy
Katy, do you ever go shopping for new things, besides socks, underwear, and perishables? Last week I found myself doing what I call “frugal fatigue spending”, spending for needed new things to replace ones that were well-worn.
I rarely go shopping for new “things,” but will often buy new supplies. This could be a container of Mod-Podge or a couple yards of discount fabric. I try whenever possible to avoid the big box stores, and am grudgingly willing a pay a bit extra to keep local businesses in business. Because I’m 44 years old and have been in my home since 1996, there aren’t that many “things” that I actually need anyway.
I hardly, if ever get “frugal fatigue,” but certainly get cooking, parenting and being-a-grown-up fatigue. (What, I have to go to work? Can’t I just stay in bed all day and watch reruns of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer?!”)
Seriously though, I get frugal-cooking fatigue more often than not. I don’t particularly enjoy making dinner, and buying easy yet pricey things like artisan sausages from New Seasons and their French bread make their way into our meals more than I care to admit. However, I give myself a pat on the back for figuring out ways to keep us from eating in restaurants, as a pricey homemade meal will almost always be cheaper than eating in a restaurant.I do get my restaurant fix by eating out for lunch with my parents, (divorced parents means I double dip this way. 😉 ) or the occasional coffee shop with friends.
The important thing to remember is to not give up on frugality just because you bought a new whoosey-whatsit.
No one is frugal all the time, so cut yourself some slack.
Katy
How long have you been blogging? I recently purged my bookmarked blogs– but yours is one of the five I kept. I like that you are REAL and INSPIRING at the same time. So many blogs out there seem fake and having a level of perfectionism that is hard to attain.
I started The Non-Consumer Advocate in May of 2008, which is pretty long in the world of blogging. And worry not about there ever being perfectionism on this blog. I am as far from perfect as anyone else, probability even less so. (For example I loaded last night’s dinner dishes in the dishwasher. And what didn’t fit has been sitting on the counters ever since.)
I happy you find inspiration here. One thing that i hadn’t considered when I started blogging is how much I would get from the readers. You guys always give me new ideas and inspiration. So it’s a real two-way street.
Katy
Kind of a follow-on question: Part of what I like about your blog is that you write about whatever you’re currently interested in and have a pretty broad range of topics related to your general theme. (Conveniently, a lot of your interests overlap with mine!) Do you ever feel like someday you’ll have said all you have to say about non-consumerism, etc?
Oh Katie, I feel like that every day! Luckily, I’m almost always able to figure out something to write about.
Katy
Heehee… it certainly doesn’t seem like you struggle to come up with things! I hope blogging continues to be fun for you for a long time to come.
If your family has given thought to education beyond high school for your sons what options have you considered for paying for it?
What is your favorite frugal meal?
I am hoping that my sons will go to The University of Oregon. The reasoning behind this is that there’s a continuation of their Japanese language immersion program called the “Global Scholars Program.” It will allow them to spend a year at a Japanese university, taking classes in Japanese focusing on whatever it is they’ll choose to study. This program, last I heard has a number of $5000/year scholarships available. Yes, please.
Also, even though state school are no longer the bargain they used to be, they’re still cheaper than private institutions. Although . . . private colleges often have better scholarships available.
We have not been able to put any significant amount of money aside for college yet, which is embarrassing to admit. However, once we’re doing with the current round of class trip to Japan, (which added up to around $8000) I’ll be able to start putting money aside for college. I only started putting money aside for the Japan trips last summer, so I’m pretty confident that I can stash some serious cash-ola into college funds. Also, both my parents have independently mentioned that they plan on helping with college expenses.
My favorite frugal meal?
Something simple like red lentil soup with crusty french bread. Also I always say that my favorite food is other people’s cooking.
Seriously.
Katy
This is what I think of when I hear “University of Oregon”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUWfL32S5PA
Love those guys.
Oh my god, that was fantastic!
Katy
I LOVE male acapella groups – they always make me swoon a little, especially if they also have excellent choreography!
LOVE these guys, I’ve gotten to see them in person a few times and the are awesome!
Hi Katy. Do you ever have a problem dealing with friends or family who don’t get/approve of your lifestyle. My mum is very money-oriented and loves brands and ‘things’ in general. She is making me very unhappy with digs about being poor and does things like buy new shoes for my daughter without discussing it with me first saying “but these are much better quality than the ones she has been wearing”. I’m trying to ignore it but she thinks she is helping.
I haven’t really had this experience. Mostly because my family is scared of me. (Okay, just kidding. kind of.) My mother used to always bring a gift whenever she came by the house when the boys were little. Understandably, the boys stopped saying, “Grandma!” and started demanding “What did you bring me?”
It was not good.
Mind you, these weren’t quality items, but were mostly used Happy Meal toys. It was a time when I had a very hard time staying on top of clutter, so it drove me crazy. I had a number of conversations with my mother before she finally stopped this practice.
Also, my husband likes to give expensive gifts to the kids and also me. (Which, when I wrote about got me called a “bitch.”) This is a hard one.
Does anyone else have any advice for Steph?
Katy
I have learned through trial and error to accept what is given and if it doesn’t meet our current needs/wants/lifestyle to quietly get rid of the object as I see fit. Sometimes this means selling a nice outfit or pair of shoes on Craigslist. Sometimes this means purging toys after grandparents leave. And sometimes it means that I let the kids play with the new cheap plastic toy out in the dirt until it breaks and we just throw it in the recycling bin. Over time, some family/friends have gotten the message when things they brought over are no longer around. Others continue to try and fill our little home with junk and I just shovel it out the backdoor after they leave:)
One tactic that has helped is as the kids are changing sizes, I notify family that loves to shop of any upcoming needs (new rain boots in size X, jacket in size X, jeans, etc). I have found that this makes them feel better cause they get to buy things for the kids and I feel better because they are items we can truly use. Be specific of your needs and hopefully family will listen; my list’s include size, color preference of child, current interest such as dinosaurs, as well as number needed.
If space is an issue for you like it is for me, I simply have certain drawers/baskets/bins assigned to particular items. When new toys or clothes come in, the kids help decide what stays and what goes. And don’t hesitate to show someone, I only have this much space to store XYZ.
It has taken time (almost 5 years) but I can honestly say that the clutter being brought into the house has been cut down each year even though we have added more kids.
Good luck!
This is said wonderfully! It’s pretty much what we do 🙂
Hi Katy – I’m new to blogging (as a writer, not a reader). Any advice for picking out a good hosting site? Free one vs. paid one? I’m blogging as part of my thesis, but hope to continue the blog after I get my degree. Oh, and any of your observations on how technology can help or hinder voluntary simplicity?
I would suggest that you start with a free blog through Wordpress. If you want to later self-host, it’s pretty simple to do.
Don’t over think the options, just get started! Good luck!
Does technology help or hinder voluntary simplicity?
That’s a hard one. It’s much easier to create a worldwide community with the internet, but it can also be easy to get sucked into believing that others are living perfect lives in perfect homes. (I’m talking to you, Pinterest!) Overall though, I think technology makes it easier, as you can build connections and get information that would otherwise not be accessible.
Katy
I think there are two ways for Steph to deal with her mother. One is to decide she is her mother and we all have weird practices and just live with it. If it is not illegal, unsafe or immoral things she is modelling to her grandchildren, then it may not be worth fighting over or letting it color all your interactions with her. This is what I would say as a therapist. As a human, and a very outspoken one at that, I would sit down my mother and tell her the rules of the road in m y house and that she can either observe those or I will restrict access. I had a somewhat analagous situation in that my father is from the insult school of interacting—everything is fodder for him to make a put down. When I became an adult, he came to visit and started up. I sat him down and calmly told him that I found his manner demeaning and I did not want the kids to begin copying him or be victimized by him. I said if he ever did it again, he would not be welcome in my home and visits would be restricted to short lunches in a restaurant because I would not allow toxic words and emotions in my house. In the 28 years since, it has never been an issue again. I am a firm believer that if you let people victimize or annoy you, then you are responsible. That being said, I do try to give people a lot of latitude for being their weird selves—as I said, if it is not unsafe, illegal or immoral by my standards, then I try to let it go.
Interesting and thoughtful response. Thank you.
Katy
You said you have a very minimal wardrobe and always get replacements via Goodwill, thrift,etc except for shoes, socksand underwear. Tell us about your wardrobe, please. What do wear for special occasions like a wedding or worship services?
Also would like to know more about your transportation costs and eating on the run. What books do you enjoy about frugality and crafting? Tell us more about gifts you make–I loved the coasters! Thanks much!
My minimal wardrobe is more due to a lack of interest in fashion rather than a philosophic bent. I like to have lots of underwear, 2 pairs of jeans, 5-6 T-shirts, a couple of sweaters, (at least one a cardigan) a couple pairs of shorts, two bras, maybe 4-5 skirts (which I prefer to shorts in the summer) and a dressy outfit or two. And 3-4 pairs of comfy pajama bottoms.
We don’t go to any worship services, and I can’t remember the last time I went to a wedding.
When I dress up I add jewelry and pay a bit of attention to my hair. (Mind you, not much.)
I am a super casual dresser, and don’t feel like my life would be any different or frankly, better if I dressed up. Luckily, as a nurse, I don’t have to maintain a work wardrobe which is key.
I’m not sure what my transportation costs are. We have two cars, a ’97 Subaru Outback, (which be bought used) and a 2005 Honda Odyssey, which we bought new. The Honda only has 50,000 miles on it, despite being our primary vehicle. I try not to eat on the run, so I’ll eat something at home before heading out to run run errands. I always bring my own lunch to work, even if it’s boring stuff.
I like the creative challenge of frugality and crafting. I find it so much more satisfying to create something out of nothing that walking into an Ethan Allen store or buying prepackaged food from Costco. No one ever bragged about heating up a pre made lasagna.
Katy
Here’s one: My sister is graduating from nursing school next month and I want to get her a gift. What would you suggest? (She’s 42, has 4 sons (2 still at home) and a husband)
Thanks!
Maybe a gift certificate to a local store that sells comfortable shoes? It may sound cliche, but nurses are all about comfy shoes. Danskos are popular for this reason, but cost $120 new! However, check if they have a nurse’s discount, as many shops do.
Katy
Hi! I get the impression that you have been working at simplifying and decluttering as well as frugality. What was/is your inspiration? Can you recommend any inspirational blogs or books along those lines? (I am currently reading (and enjoying) “The Cheapskates Next Door”.). It seems like I am always trying to be more organized with varying levels of success.
My inspiration for trying to declutter is simply that I want a house that isn’t impossible to keep tidy! It’s embarrassing when people stop by and the house it’s a sty. Maybe I shouldn’t care, but I do.
It may sound out there, but one book that I’ve found to be very helpful is “Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui” by Karen Kingston. It goes into depth about how much energy we use when living in a home that stresses us out. Many decluttering books give the same advice about the three keep/donate/toss bins, and that just doesn’t energize me. Another great book is “Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding” by Randy Frost. Also his book “Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things” is a fascinating read. And you don’t have to be an actual hoarder to delve into your own relationship with Stuff.
And of course, any episode of “Hoarders” will inspire anyone to get rid of the excessive belongings that we all have.
Mind you, I still have clutter in my home, but it’s completely under control. (Except my basement, which is filled with remodeling supplies, and is *awful*!)
Katy
Watching an episode of Hoarders is a 100% guarantee I will spend the day purging! purging! purging! *laugh* I wonder if it has that effect on everyone?
You made me laugh so hard when I read that.
Have you always been this frugal? Did you cloth diaper? Do you use coupons much? And what is your very favorite food?
I have always enjoyed watching my dollars stretch, but it was in 1998 while on maternity leave with my second son that I began putting a focused effort into frugality. I used cloth diapers for a year with my older son, and I hated them. He was always wet, and they leaked like crazy. I see that they have better diaper covers now, which might have helped. But frankly, I worked full-time night shifts as a labor and delivery nurse when the kids were diaper age, and it would have pushed me over the edge to add “wash out diapers” to my to-do list at the time.
I don’t use coupons as much as the extreme couponers, but I do still use them. I’ll save the circulars from the Sunday paper, and I’ll end up only clipping maybe 4-5 coupons from the whole thing. As an example, I used coupons when buying the boys’ chocolate bunnies and jellybeans for their Easter baskets last week. And I’ll use coupons from the Chinook Book when I go to Bob’s Red Mill later today. Coupons have a reputation as only being for overly processed crap, but that’s not always the case.
My favorite food would be hard to say. There are certain restaurant meals that send me over the moon, such as the “Wide rice noodles with shrimp” from “Jade” restaurant in the Sellwood neighborhood in Portland. And chocolate covered digestive biscuits are a nostalgic treat that takes me back to the couple years I spent in England as a child. I think favorite food often has to do with memories of happy times. I have recently been loving the “Perfect Pot Roast” recipe from The Pioneer Woman.
Katy
I loved the “old maps as shades” idea, and we actually have old school maps, the pull down kind that used to be over every chalk board in schools across the country; my husband dumpster dived one for them one day. There is no spring on the existing wooden roller anymore, so I would need to attach these to a shade roller or something. How did you do yours? If you published instructions, it was before I started reading your site.
It’s really easy. I just bought the cheapest roller blinds that Home Depot sold and removed the existing plastic shade. I measured (and then re-measured) how long I needed to the blind to be and sawed it to length. I then stapled on the classroom map. At the bottom, I took the plastic rod and folded the bottom hem over and glued it in place. I would suggest that you make them longer than necessary so that they’ll roll up and down well.
Good luck!
Katy
What are your tips to keeping growing kids full without going broke? I have an 8 year old (that eats like a linebacker) and a 12 year old that eats more than me. We do produce baskets, cook at home, shop sales, etc. Would love to hear how you deal with this with 2 teens 🙂
I’m not sure I have the answer to this question, as my kids complain that we never have any food in the house. (BTW. totally not true.) I do keep a stash of udon noodles and miso paste on hand, which makes for an extremely filling after school snack. I also try to always keep fruit in the house, although they hardly ever reach for it. (They do eat every bite when it’s in their school lunches though.) Both kids are also 100% on board with eating heated-up leftovers, which are always popular.
It helps that my kids are 16 and almost 14, as they’re both able to walk themselves the two blocks over to New Seasons to buy themselves a treat.
And my shameful secret is that I do let them fix top ramen for themselves. Shh . . . don’t tell the foodie-snobs. 😉
Katy
Is there something wrong with Top Romen?
I use it frequently as a base for “Leftover soup”
It’s hardly locally grown organic beets. 😉
Katy
Love this post!
Thanks, it’s pretty fun for me too!
Katy
Sorry it took me days to think of this…hope I’m not too late. I’m curious as to what your mother is studying in Nebraska and where (i.e. what school). That is originally my home and since it not the most populous state around I’m always interested in people with a connection to there.
My mother is getting her Master’s Degree in Textiles at the University of Nebraska.
Katy
Do you ever get recognized in public?
Very occasionally, but it’s usually someone with whom I have some type of connection.
Katy
Hi Katy:
I have been wondering how to make some extra money for my family. Currently I’m a stay at home mom. I am Bipolar and I stick with my medication however my psychiatrist does not recommend I ever go back to work full time. So I have been struggling for several years to figure out what kind of part time work I should do.
Yesterday I had an aha moment when I realized I could refinish and resell furniture in the shabby chic style. I have spotted several project pieces and would like to start. One similar piece of furniture I saw for sale was $289.oo for sale in a trendy shop in the trendy area of Kelowna (where I live) and I found a similar desk for sale for $49.00 at the Sally Ann.
I have had some discussions with my husband about how to repaint it and he is telling me what he thinks should be done. After looking at the desk at the trendy shop I know they did not go to all the effort that my husband would. Yes I want to sell something that will ensure a good rep but the steps my husband thinks should be done are what they do in a professional shop where they make custom high end doors with professional sprayers. The shabby chic furniture I saw at the shop was painted with a brush (they called it hand painted and I call it a crappy finish.) I was thinking wipe the pieces down with TSP, sand and then paint or spray paint and then scuff the edges to get the original wood to show through and finish with a clear coat. What do you think off this?
Vivian
I would recommend that you use Pinterest to find tutorials on how to fix up old furniture. I would also recommend that you keep your initial investments as low as possible and only work on one pice at a time in the beginning.
Good luck!
Katy
Thanks for the advice. I bought a quilt rack and a wicker chair for a grand total of $11.25 at the local Mennonite Thrift store and this is what I’m going to start with.
Vivian
It’s one of my weird claims to fame. Others include that my father’s cousin was Joan Rivers’ first husband, and that my dad took dance classes from Gene Kelly before he was famous, and that my grandmother continued to be his friend. I’m also a somewhat close relative to President Taft.
Katy
I’ll be honest, I have times when it’s pulling teeth to come up with daily fresh content.
Katy