My Non-Consumer(ish) Gift Giving
by Katy on December 25, 2024 · 45 comments
Today is Christmas as well as the first night of Chanukah. There’s hasn’t been precise overlap of the two holidays since 2005, which makes 2024 seems extra special. My family gives Christmas presents, although we do light the menorah, eat latkes and spin the dreidel.
My goal for gifting is to either buy used or consumable as much as possible, as well as to avoid that Schmeff Schmezos guy like the plague. He has enough money without taking mine, thank you very much!
I’m gifting just two brand new items, one from my local Powell’s Books and the other from an historic hardware store. My husband also bought two brand new gifts. I wrapped almost everything in brand new Chanukah gifts bags, which I thrifted from Goodwill.
Here’s what we “bought” for everyone:
Son
My husband picked up a brand new TV at Costco for our son, even I was on team “We can find a used TV,” but sometimes you get outvoted, even when it’s a tie. I comfort myself knowing that there’ll be a warranty that doesn’t exist for Goodwill items. Also, I remind myself that “perfect is the enemy of the good” and have only bought a dozen or so brand new items since 2007 when I made the decision to only buy used.
I also got him a menorah from my stash. a mortar and pestle and apron from my Buy Nothing group, the aforementioned screwdriver from the non-chain hardware store, some lovely treats and a lottery scratch-it ticket.
Daughter
My husband bought a Roku box for our daughter, (also from Costco) and I bought her a set of Dungeon and Dragon books from Powell’s Books. I also got her a blender off Facebook Marketplace, plus a rice cooker and new pair of Apple airpods from Buy Nothing. Plus lots of yummy gluten-free treats, a thrifted menorah and a lottery ticket.
I also remade her baby book after finding a blank version of the original on eBay; and I did the bureaucracy to register and obtain a replacement college degree to match her legal name and gender.
Husband
My husband and I don’t exchange Christmas gifts, but I did tuck a few things into his stocking. Maple syrup, dried mango, plus various chocolate treats and a lottery ticket.
My sister
My sister and I both have Christmas adjacent birthdays, so we abstain from Christmas/Chanukah gifts. I mailed her birthday box to New York last week, which contained a variety of store bought treats, such as McVitie’s digestive biscuits, chocolate oranges and Jaffa cakes. (We lived in London for a few years throughout our childhood and are sentimental about British treats.) I also included a Revere Ware tea kettle, which I scored at a consignment shop for just $8. Her one broke a few years ago and she frequently complains about how the replacement one is worse in both form and function. Lastly I ordered a specific magazine from eBay that she and I oohed and ahhed over last summer.
It cost more to mail the box than to fill it.
My niece and nephew
Money. Venmo the college kids what they really want. Fifty bucks for Chanukah, fifty bucks for birthday. Boom, done!
My mother
I bought my mother a matching purse and wallet from the defunct company Queen Bee Creations, which sadly closed shop a few years ago. I bought these from a woman on Facebook Marketplace and it was a great score as they’re actually brand new. She’s also getting British treats and a lottery ticket.
My step father
My step father is getting a great big bag of gourmet goodies, plus a lottery ticket.
My daughter’s girlfriend
My daughter’s girlfriend is getting a pair of Goodwill Boutique earrings, a thrifted (brand new) fleece blanket, gluten-free treats and a lottery ticket.
That’s it, as we’ve winnowed down the gift list through the years. Not sending gifts to fertile cousins or their millions of kids, not doing a work gift exchange and always striving to avoid giving clutter or unethically manufactured objects. I feel content with my gifts this year.
How did you do?
Katy Wolk-Stanley
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”
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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
Bless you, Katy, for putting up a blog today. I started the day off alone. But the public radio station my clock radio is set on played instrumental holiday music. So I slowly woke up to such nice sounds. I was invited to a Christmas Day reception my friends from church put on every year; it is for those of us who have no families and no place(s) to go, and it is very sweet of them to do this. I just got back and am happy to read your writing.
Being the sole survivor of my family, I have very few people on my gift list. Easy to be frugal when you don’t have any kinfolk to shop for — but I certainly don’t recommend it.
The hosts of the above reception got a fairly large jar full of hard candy; it turned out to be the wife’s favorite kind. (Lucky coincidence.) The candy came to my house in a great big box via Amazon after the roommate moved away (still owed back rent so I didn’t forward it to her). The jar began life at Aldi and it held olives; it was meant for holiday gift-giving so it already had a red ribbon you could take on and off. So glad I saved it where I could find it again. Even happier to get the olive smell out.
Children on my list got new storybooks marked down to 50 cents each on clearance.
Pal from college is getting a cell phone charger bought inexpensively from Habitat Re-store 2 years ago. It’s the kind you put on your bedside table. Plus an in-car charger (designed to plug into vehicle cigarette lighter) bought for 99 cents on clearance; I’ve seen those things priced as high as $14.99. However, she’s coming into town on Dec. 30, so if I can find something cheap on an after-Xmas sale, I may change my plans. I saw a darling tin box with a clock on the lid at Targets; it contained some jaffa cakes which were actually cookies. I bought 3 but took 2 back bc of the price (they were on a shelf with a lower price but apparently it didn’t scan in.) Already opened mine; the jaffa cakes tasted funny so I took them to the office party. If they are priced low enough, I may get/give two more. See above and see below.
Cleaning lady friend loves scented candles and I’m re-making a fancy one from some candles I already have. Using an unused taper in the center for its wick and will pour the melted wax around it in a pretty tea cup once its anchored to same. She would also get the clock and jaffa cakes providing the item is on sale on the 26th.
Boy you are not kidding about the shoestring potatoes! I thought it was just me
Lisa, that’s very thoughtful of your friends, glad to read they appreciated your treats too.
@Fru-gal Lisa – sad to say someone has to be the last one standing in the family (speaking parent/child/sibling). Easier if you have child/sibling/grand-children however. Our direct line group is small but that is okay.
I was raised as an only child and never got married. Even though I would have loved to, Mr. Right never showed up. I’m one of those old-fashioned folks who believe you need to be married before starting a family; hence no kids or grandkids. So, it’s just me. The dog even died this year.
Well let me wish you a belated merry Christmas!! I’m an only child too and can understand the feeling, my father passed 12 years ago and I still see things that would make the perfect gift for him!!
Very impressed with your purchases, well done, gifting useful and needed..
You’re never alone when there are people who love you, that’s family! Take care of yourself, enjoy a restful holiday…….and think about another dog, I lasted 4weeks without my boy before I had to find a new fuzzball. Just consider it xx
I’m trying to think about why reading lists of gifts for people I’ve never met in person is fun! I think it is because of the loving care you (Katy and Lisa so far) put into them. Also, it emphasizes that the winter holidays are about making connections, past and present and future. And how anticipation is part of the fun.
My husband, son, and I gave mostly things we exactly knew the person wanted, (books in particular), and some foods. I bought a giant can of shoe string potatoes and split it into three baggies so we could each have an equal share; it is easy to get carried away while eating those.
The most dramatic present was a flashlight/headlamp I found on clearance at WalMart for my son, as our electricity goes out at least once a year during thunderstorms. It even included batteries, which are not cheap. The excitement was when I put the batteries in and turned it on to test it, blinding myself, subsequently my husband, and my son. We know it works, and we will be able to signal airplanes if necessary.
For supper, husband made chili, and we found we had no beans for it. Yeah! I thought of Lindsey, who does not like beans, either. Chili is better as a leftover and we have some for tomorrow.
Last Saturday, the local Tractor Supply store had a full rack of 12 dozen (144) red poinsettia plants marked a dollar each. Something must have really been messed up in their supply chain. They make good cut flowers, as the red is really leaves, and someone could have done some lovely centerpieces with the flowers in vases instead of the more unwieldly pots.
I snorted when I read about your flashlight; I have two headlamps with VERY bright lights (when they are fully charged). Have blinded random (rare) perambulating neighbours on the (also rare) nights I have taken the dog down the lane.
Particularly loved the corrected college degree, and your recognition that if money is what people need/want most, then money is the perfect gift! Many people give what they want to give, instead of what the recipient wants/ needs to get! You are a truly thoughtful gift giver!
I love reading gift lists! My BF and I started the celebrations at his (french) parents from Sunday to xmas eve. BF’s dad got speakers for his computer and a lazy susan from ikea to use as cheese board. BF’s mum got a TENS electrode thing she wanted to try to reduce her chronic pains. We went to my mum’s today with my two siblings + partners, 6 nieces and nephew and my grandma. We agreed a few years ago to only do a secret santa for adults and that was the BEST decision. I picked my brother’s GF, I got her a voucher for a small french clothing brand, owned by a friend’s friend. The nieces and nephew got some sweets and a voucher for an outing with me, either to the local waterpark or to the local salt mines. My BF got a new peaty whisky he hasn’t tried yet, fingers crossed he likes it! I was spoilt by my brother with a Tolkien book, baking utensils and a big bag of couverture dark chocolate which has the most amazing natural red fruit flavor (my brother works for the biggest chocolate producer in the world, he sells chocolate to local bakeries and chocolate makers).
If my brother worked for the biggest chocolate producer in the world, he would be my best friend! I could not do his job because I would eat all the sales samples myself.
Your gift of the corrected degree seems priceless to me. Way to go, mom!
My father always said if your parent(s) don’t stand up for you, no one else will. A bit of truth to the number of good advice from he and my mother.
Katy is the most amazing mom!
I third the cheers for Katy’s gifts of revised paperwork for her daughter!
Absolutely love the corrected birth certificate and college degree! Smart and loving gift
I agree with all these comments!
Katy, is an example of how a parent should be!
I try my best, but my great kids make it an easy task.
I was going to post to say just that. As the mom of a trans person, the corrected degree is such an amazing gift. Way to go, Katy!
The two of us spent a lot of time and energy updating all the government paperwork over the past few months. The college degree was just the cherry on top!
When my son turned 19, I gifted him an updated birth certificate that had his dad’s name on it. Turned out that it was quite an epic adventure to get vital statistics to accept that the man WAS his father – I had left him off the birth certificate when my son was first born due to an (unnecessary) fear of custody challenges.
When a baby is born Vital statistics lets you put whomever on for the dad (including ‘unknown’) but they won’t believe you when you decide 18 years later to fill in the blank. I was lucky that my dad (a retired MD) was still alive, as he was able to write a letter attesting to the truth of my ‘claim’. Sheesh.
Anyway, although the updated gift certificate was supposedly for my son, the real gift was to his father, who was thrilled to be acknowledged.
I am thrilled that you, Katy, have done the really challenging navigation required to update names on important documentation for your daughter. The message of complete acceptance that you are sending her couldn’t be louder!
Wow, I’ve helped mother start thousands of birth certificates from when I was a labor and delivery nurse, but had never thought about amending the father at such a late date.
I was in a rough place emotionally when #1 son was born – however, my parents were adamant that if a relationship could be maintained with his father, everyone would benefit. They were so correct, and I continue to thank them for the many ways they modelled how to be the best person in any situation (mostly I thank them in my head – since Dad is gone – but I do tell my Mom fairly often, and she preens.)
I can’t say I like to spend a lot of time with the father of #1 son, but we spent much of Christmas Day in the same room and it was just fine.
He is the one who still sends a Mother’s Day card to me, AND TO MY MOM, every year. Guess the ‘be the best person’ lessons rubbed off all over the place.
Those sound like hard years, I’m happy that you came through above water.
DD and SIL each received a favorite edible. one each a frivolous gift (DD a book that looked like new from a church book sale), a set of Lego’s (price greatly reduced at Sam’s Club last week), and some money.
I have a few gifts for in-laws that entertain DD often. They are mostly edible or gift cards. This is a one off since we don’t usually see them this time of year.
I love getting edible gifts! And kitchen towels…
1. My parents have everything that they want/need. And they’ve had the great fortune of having 2 wonderful black cats (among many others), the first cat that we had when I was a kid and the last of which passed last year. As such, I’ll donate money in their name to a local rescue that specializes in foster-to-adoption black cats.
2. My MIL got a scarf & bracelet purchased from the locally-owed gift store with partner’s employee discount. And a jar of Bonne Mammam marmalade, which is her favorite, and that I bought from Ocean State during their anniversary sale, so we got 40% back in the form of a store credit.
3. My FIL got a bottle of nice Scotch (so easy to buy for) and single origin black pepper (he LOVES black pepper) and beef jerky, both of which was free swag that I got at a conference.
Niece/nephew: well, they want what they want, but I was able to find some on sale, including chocolate bars purchased from Ocean State with that 40% back from the marmalade…
Friends, my sister, and 30-year-old nephews, we’ve all stopped gifting. It makes the holidays SO much less stressful!
Most of our family has passed away and the two people left live in the neighboring state and do their own thing for Christmas. DH and I got books from our son, who received gift cards, a funny cat calendar, wool socks, chocolate and two nice travel mugs, not one of the expensive name brands but the same as one I’ve used for years. DH and I do not exchange gifts, as it’s our custom to buy something for the house instead. We’re both hard to shop for.
I did a lot of cooking to create a very nice Christmas Eve meal and breakfast today.
I love the digestive biscuits too. I see the kitty is very interested in the holiday banner on the mantle.
1. I am giving my sister a shelf I curb picked. It has a groove on it to place plates. She has a plate collection. It also has some knobs below to hang things from. My husband used the belt sander to smooth the shelf and applied some stain to it. I found the stain at school. It was unopened & part of a project that identified items toxic to children. No cost & it is solid wood.
2. I gave my homemade luminaries to my friends. I gave my Jewish friend one with the star of David that my husband created by drilling holes to make the star. I spray painted it blue & the interior white which are the colors of the Israeli flag. The other friends got a cross or a peace sign on their luminaries. I put votive cups w/candles or battery -operated tea lights inside to make the lights. Some of the candles I found (new in box) whilst trash picking.
3. My husband will get a gift card for a hair cutting place. The cards are 20% off in December. (He refuses to go to the beauty school for a haircut as he says the
students take too long.) I will get a 100$ card for 80$. That should get him 5 haircuts.
4. I gave my niece a bag of toiletries for her family. A 30 oz bottle of lotion, toothpaste, shampoo, female hygiene products, room spray, deodorant, etc. I bought products that had a gender -neutral scent so that her husband could use them too. My niece’s daughter got a plastic headband with Christmas lights (that light up). I found the headband outside a Dollar Gen. One light was loose & it needed a battery. The hot glue gun mended the loose light & hubby put a new button battery in. Good as new. I sent some thrifted blanket sleepers for the
baby.
5. My goddaughter got some generic pull-ups type underpants for her daughter. Not an exciting present but one less thing she has to buy as a single parent. I got the underpants cheaply as the package had been opened. I send her care packages throughout the year & don’t really focus on holiday giving.
My son and his new wife (just married in August) will both be working from home in 2025. I collected office supplies from the Dollar Store including screen cleaner wipes, 2 coffee mugs, stapler and staples, scissors, stick-on notes, a notebook, pens, etc. I arranged everything in a nice box which I already had on hand, tied a big ribbon around it and called it “your work-at-home office in a box.” Total cost was just over $15. They seemed very happy with it. I also gave them a check because they are seriously saving money to make a downpayment on a house.
Here’s a partial list:
My two sisters and my brother live in CA, FL, and AZ, respectively, and we’re friendly but not close. At Sister #1’s suggestion over 20 years ago, we exchange charitable donations. I donated this year to Heifer International, the Alzheimer’s Association, Doctors Without Borders, and the Food Bank of Central NY. (We always include our local food banks in our donations; the need is greater than ever.)
Dr. Bestest Neighbor got a Jos. A. Bank cashmere sweater vest (thrifted), a bottle of Essence of Emeril (he’s an Emeril fan), and several packets of vegetable seeds that I either received for renewing my Seed Savers Exchange membership or already had but won’t be growing. He’ll pass the seeds he can’t use himself along to his Master Gardeners group.
Ms. BN got two linen shirts (Chico’s and J. Jill, also thrifted), a three-pack of ChapStick (one of my nicknames for her is Suzy ChapStick), and two bars of fancy soap.
The BNs jointly got the Martha Stewart “This Year in Martha History” calendar (10% discount at Barnes & Noble for the calendar itself, plus considerable ingenuity and rubber cement), a Sandra Boynton jigsaw puzzle (discounted at Daedalus Books), a book, a Heifer International donation, an organic chocolate bar (on sale at the food co-op), and a Penzeys gift card (on sale at Penzeys). Two other friends also got Penzeys gift cards.
My next-door neighbor got a gift bag including four pairs of Dr. Scholl’s socks, a bag of Hershey’s Kisses, a Smithsonian word search puzzle book, a jar of marmalade, and some other smalls. She and her other close friend also jointly received a Panera gift card (they lunch together at Panera every Friday).
JASNA BFF got a “quiltlet” (a little afghan-size quilt) that was a gift to me two years ago, but was in BFF’s favorite colors and was not being used by me. (I provided full disclosure of its origins, and she’s delighted with it.) She also got four books, a bar of fancy soap, an organic chocolate bar, and a small Vera Bradley bag (thrifted) of the type she likes for around-Manhattan use.
The friends who own the country property where DH’s ashes are buried will get (the next time I can drive out there) an Audubon bluebird house and two other birdhouses, all of which I found at the local peace-and-justice group’s garage sale this summer. (Their property attracts numerous bluebirds, which mine does not.) They’ll also get a bird book, treats for their cat and dog, and another organic chocolate bar–as well as the two bags of mealworms for their bluebird feeder (from Ollie’s) that I took some good-humored guff about at The Frugal Girl!
More than enough for now.
I love your thoughtful gifts that really reflect the people you are gifting to. I feel as if we have come to know, a little bit, your BNs, your JASNA BFF, your next door neighbour… and so the gifts you tell us about have even more meaning. Thanks, as always, for your shares, A. Marie
I have the flu. I sent cash for adults, art supplies for grandkids.
So sorry that you’re going through the flu right now. Sending virtual chicken soup your way!
Oh my goodness. Remaking your daughter’s baby book and getting her degree redone really touched my heart. May all dear friends have such gender affirming care from their families.
She’s my sweetie and I’d do anything for her.
We have really cut down on gift giving, for the adults in particular.
Grandchildren, ages almost 3 and 1 and a bit got a little indoor trampoline to be able to blow off steam. They don’t live close, so we had amazon deliver it to their door. Their mom asked for this and we got a video yesterday showing them having a ball on it. We also gave their mom some money for the college fund.
DD and her husband got a nice piece of original art that they saw at the art show I volunteered at earlier in the month. I did the same last year, which makes it so easy. They also got a bunch of consumables like chocolates, chilli oil (they both like to cook and experiment with different food items), fig jam, craft beers, liqueurs, hot chocolate, tea, etc. They also got a grocery gift card.
My sister’s grandchildren got toys that their mother suggested, again from amazon.
DH and I don’t exchange gifts anymore. I did, however, get him a box of chocolate brandy beans that he got once from an elderly relative and it’s been a tradition ever since.
I love not shopping much at Christmas, and having to enter malls, the season is much less stressful, and I find I enjoy it much more.
Those are all lovely gifts for your family. I have cut way back on gift-giving over the years, mainly because of a lack of money, but also because we all have enough stuff at this point and don’t need more. This year, I gave candy to my nieces and nephews and a little chocolate to my parents, along with a free card I printed out. I used gift tags I got for free in a mailing from a charity.
I only saw the cat when I went back for a 2nd look after seeing the comments about it 🙂
I mostly gifted consumables, items I found in the charity shops over the year (e.g., a book, a cage like container for storing eggs, a beautiful handmade mug), things I got on sale (e.g., lantern type candle holders that I got for 1 Euro each) and homemade gingerbread (in a glass jar that I got for 1.20 Euro, it says “homemade” at the front … kicking myself that I did not get more of those jars!).
I also gave a friend a handmade Christmas glass ornament that I had 3 of but decided I will only ever need 2 of.
I re-gifted chocolates that I got but do not eat (still off sugar although I made an exception for the trifle I had made as dessert on Christmas day).
It’s been a quiet and peaceful Christmas. We are still heartsore from a recent family bereavement so this was all I had hoped for.
I’m so sorry that your family is going though bereavement. Your gifts sound so lovely and thoughtful without breaking the bank. Well done, you!
Thank you!
Christmas eve was spent cooking a turkey (huge 21 pounder that my neighbour up the road grew. It had been frozen with its legs outstretched, so there was some hysteria in my kitchen as #2 son manipulated the legs back into an oven friendly position). Turkey cooked, it was removed from the oven and covered with (reused) tinfoil and towels, and I managed to get my mom and friend to evening service at my church. Don’t know when my mom has last attended a church service (ditto for friend) but they wanted to come. Lovely traditional Christmas songs were sung, I was so glad to have gone.
Christmas day was gifts at #1 son’s place where the grandson held court. My lovely son and daughter-outlaw had filled a stocking for me. I think the last time someone filled a stocking for me (that wasn’t with things I had purchased myself) was when I was 18 at my parent’s house. I was very touched. Socks, soaps, some crocheted dishcloths (Daughter outlaw has taught herself how to crochet while also learning how to be a mom, very impressive), a crocheted computer case (!) as well little computer cable straps with adorable buttons. Some chocolates and lots of love.
During the day I also received a beautiful bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil, two bags of coffee beans, a number of books (that #1 son and partner were passing along from their shelves, they had received a bunch of books from my brother’s place when his widow was clearing it out, and needed room. Cleverly, they chose to re-gift their books to a number of people who were all thrilled with the books and not at all disturbed that they were ‘used). #1 daughter gave me a love filled handmade card, plus some shower thingies (you put in the corner when you shower?), and some mixed nuts. #2 son’s girlfriend is originally from Iran, and she gifted me a flat round tin FULL of SAFRON! I think she was quite astonished at my enthusiasm – when I buy saffron it is 6 threads for many dollars. The tin probably contains several hundred threads. I cannot wait to make some saffron infused food!
I gifted many of my ‘young and older’ friends small jars of my homemade Eggplant Pickle (kind of a chutney). I have made this for years (it is an epic to make so I usually make two years worth) and most folk who taste it rave about it, so I know it is a well appreciated gift.
I also gave books (thrift store) and a variety of traditional chocolates that folk have come to enjoy. #2 son received a gorgeous cream coloured wool pullover shirt that #1 son had thrifted years ago and finally admitted he wasn’t going to grow into. #2 son is 5 inches taller than #1, and the shirt looks like it was made for him. #1 son has been a fabulous thrift store shopper, and he knows we are very happy to be gifted from his finds.
#1 son has been wrapping gifts with old charts (maps ) as he had received a huge box of them about a year ago. My buddy was SO excited to see the charts, (as am I) so all the presents were VERY carefully unwrapped, and she has collected the pieces to tape together. #1 son finally suggested she might want to look in his box of charts, and she collected an armful with total joy.
After the first gift go-round we came back home, mom had a nap and I pulled the turkey apart. Sliced some of the meat for dinner and put it in a large roaster that has a lid. Chopped up the rest of the meat and got it put away for Saturday (when I will make pot pies and other frozen future Ecoteri appreciated meals). We made gravy with most of the drippings, some rich broth with some (for reheating the turkey for dinner), started the carcass (and the bag of bones and onion skins from the freezer) on the stove in a stockpot, filled the car with yet more loads of foodstuff (much had been taken over earlier) and went for a joy filled dinner at #1 son’s. All of my kids were there, the younger two brought their partners. We also had the man I call #3 son (a good friend of #1 son, he lost both of his parents and I was asked by his mom to ‘step in’ – it has been a joy to claim him and love him and advise him when asked, and I just love him to bits) and his girlfriend. My niece and her husband joined us, too; they had to leave early as we had wild weather and they needed to catch a ferry, but they were able to eat with us and get some dessert. #1 Son’s father came, plus one of my good friends who is the mom of one of #1 son’s good friends (who is in New Zealand right now). I love to see the open generosity of my son in the way he opens his house to folk who might otherwise have a sad quiet Christmas.
The vegetarians got lots of veggies and we had stuffed and roasted another squash – huge success.
Thank you Katy for posting and creating this lovely community where we can both celebrate and commiserate, support each other and sometimes crow about our successes. I am very grateful to have found you all online. I wish you all joy and love and connection this holiday season.
Ecoteri, I enjoyed reading your whole list–but I’m particularly blown away by (a) your #2 son’s GF gift of saffron (WHOA!!) and (b) the whole description of the dinner at your #1 son’s house. Long may you and your whole generous tribe wave!
Thank you A. Marie. Yes, isn’t that saffron gift beyond compare? apparently her family in Iran has a saffron farm. Good person to know! Now, to indulge….
my heart swelled to read your gifts to your daughter. the new baby book and handling what I’d guess was mind-numbing bureaucratic paperwork…priceless <3