My Social Life on a Budget
I try to live my life as frugally as possible, but that doesn't mean I abstain from a full and satisfying social life. However, it does require that I make deliberate choices on how and where I do that socializing.
Meet up with friends at a bar for drinks? Highly unlikely. Have a friend over for coffee and brunch or maybe just go for a walk? Right up my alley as I can control the cost.
Just this week I invited an old work friend over for a nice long visit. She pre-informed me that she wouldn't have an appetite, so I didn't prepare any food. (Although I had a backup plan to reheat nice leftovers in case she changed her mind.) She came armed with a box of pastries, which we enjoyed with our tea/coffee and conversation.
Then today I went to my next-door neighbor's house, where we munched on Trader Joe's almond croissants while sipping tea I brought from home. I share my home cooked treats with her pretty often, so neither of us is shouldering the cost of our friendship.
Later in the week I'll have a childhood friend to the house and plan on baking a loaf of overnight artisan bread and assembling some kind of frittata. (Using whatever random veggies I have at the moment.) Infinitely cheaper than a restaurant and we can avoid the dilemma of how long is too long to park at the table.
My friend Lise and I often go for evening walks, (especially in the summer) although our dates frequently involve grocery shopping or running random errand together. This may seem drab from the outside looking in, but we're able to catch up on each other's lives and enjoy each other's company. And really, how is this different from friends who get together to do fun Sex and The City style shopping?
Being broke can be isolating, especially when you're not at the same financial level as your peers, but that doesn't mean you can't nourish friendships on a budget. The key is to put a plan in place that you control. Invite someone to your home, cook something frugal, plan a picnic or maybe even just a walk around the neighborhood.
Keep your money in your wallet and your friends in your life.
I've noticed that this is definitely an American cultural thing (problem?) where inviting someone to run errands with you or doing nothing is seen as not putting enough effort into a relationship. I firmly land in the category that if I'm comfortable enough with someone that we can do our "boring" tasks together then we've made it to true friendship.
Having to "perform" by going out or throwing an elaborate event every time you get together is a very fragile thing to me. Sure, it's fun to go and have a meal that neither of us has to cook or do something purely for enjoyment without errands. But if that's the expectation then it's so hard to keep up all the time. I'd much rather a splurge of a $6 coffee every 4-6 months and a walking date than sweat over an over priced meal I can probably make at home for a fraction of the cost- and linger! The simply joys of lingering is often lost now.
I love your take on this! True friendship doesn't require all that performative effort.
I try to have some social interactions that don’t involve spending, but I run with a well-off crowd, so there are plenty of opportunities to get together for $16 cocktails or $20 salads. I sometimes go ahead and spend the money, and I pick up cans and peruse free piles on the walk home. My thought is that I’m OK with splashing out if it’s a local business. I want my local cocktail bar and salad joint to be successful, and I need to support them. I try not to splash out often. Luckily, the same friend group also likes going for hikes and meeting at each others’ homes for hot beverages, so it’s all good.