My Social Life on a Budget
I try to live my life as frugally as possible, but that doesn't mean I abstain from a full and satisfying social life. However, it does require that I make deliberate choices on how and where I do that socializing.
Meet up with friends at a bar for drinks? Highly unlikely. Have a friend over for coffee and brunch or maybe just go for a walk? Right up my alley as I can control the cost.
Just this week I invited an old work friend over for a nice long visit. She pre-informed me that she wouldn't have an appetite, so I didn't prepare any food. (Although I had a backup plan to reheat nice leftovers in case she changed her mind.) She came armed with a box of pastries, which we enjoyed with our tea/coffee and conversation.
Then today I went to my next-door neighbor's house, where we munched on Trader Joe's almond croissants while sipping tea I brought from home. I share my home cooked treats with her pretty often, so neither of us is shouldering the cost of our friendship.
Later in the week I'll have a childhood friend to the house and plan on baking a loaf of overnight artisan bread and assembling some kind of frittata. (Using whatever random veggies I have at the moment.) Infinitely cheaper than a restaurant and we can avoid the dilemma of how long is too long to park at the table.
My friend Lise and I often go for evening walks, (especially in the summer) although our dates frequently involve grocery shopping or running random errand together. This may seem drab from the outside looking in, but we're able to catch up on each other's lives and enjoy each other's company. And really, how is this different from friends who get together to do fun Sex and The City style shopping?
Being broke can be isolating, especially when you're not at the same financial level as your peers, but that doesn't mean you can't nourish friendships on a budget. The key is to put a plan in place that you control. Invite someone to your home, cook something frugal, plan a picnic or maybe even just a walk around the neighborhood.
Keep your money in your wallet and your friends in your life.
I've noticed that this is definitely an American cultural thing (problem?) where inviting someone to run errands with you or doing nothing is seen as not putting enough effort into a relationship. I firmly land in the category that if I'm comfortable enough with someone that we can do our "boring" tasks together then we've made it to true friendship.
Having to "perform" by going out or throwing an elaborate event every time you get together is a very fragile thing to me. Sure, it's fun to go and have a meal that neither of us has to cook or do something purely for enjoyment without errands. But if that's the expectation then it's so hard to keep up all the time. I'd much rather a splurge of a $6 coffee every 4-6 months and a walking date than sweat over an over priced meal I can probably make at home for a fraction of the cost- and linger! The simply joys of lingering is often lost now.
I love your take on this! True friendship doesn't require all that performative effort.
I try to have some social interactions that don’t involve spending, but I run with a well-off crowd, so there are plenty of opportunities to get together for $16 cocktails or $20 salads. I sometimes go ahead and spend the money, and I pick up cans and peruse free piles on the walk home. My thought is that I’m OK with splashing out if it’s a local business. I want my local cocktail bar and salad joint to be successful, and I need to support them. I try not to splash out often. Luckily, the same friend group also likes going for hikes and meeting at each others’ homes for hot beverages, so it’s all good.
As a person with a long list of food allergies plus inflammatory bowel disease, socializing over food is really difficult. It is something that isolates me. I appreciate friends who would like to go for a walk, or to the thrift store, or would like to come sit and chat in my backyard. I'm in the midst of organizing a "making" group, everyone brings their mending or hand work and we just chat.
I try to remind myself that having people over for dinner, which was the standard for socializing when I was growing up, is not the only way to have a rich social life. But I often forget that and feel down about myself.
I love the idea of a making group! I have a dairy allergy and there are people in our friend group that have gluten issues so we often find it easier (and usually a lot cheaper) to just make something and potluck.
I've attempted a few book clubs but they haven't stuck. Maybe a making group would help us all get through one of our WIPs!
Kara, I love your idea of a making group!
I belong to a group like that. We meet, bring drinks and food and visit and hand quilt, knit, crochet, darn...embroiderie.
We meet twice per month.
As someone who rarely drinks alcohol, and who both hates and gets an upset stomach from coffee, (though I do like the smell), I find myself with some social handicaps. I can put in the work to join in, and certainly restaurants/bars/coffee shops have alternatives, but because it has been noticed I don't drink either beverage, I have to put myself forward to get an invitation to the table.
I frequently walk with friends, usually one at a time.
A good friend and I get together almost every week. We alternate homes. We meet after lunch.
Today I invited a friend to join me next month on a walk sponsored by a yoga studio a couple suburbs away. It is led by a yoga teacher that once taught at our local studio. It is monthly freebie. We joined the walk earlier this month and both met some new and interesting people.
Yesterday a friend invited me to join her as she ran errands. We do this semi-regularly. This is a long time friendship and sometimes we feed each other a leftovers lunch or I bring a lunch for myself to her house (I am not the easiest to feed since I avoid gluten and do not do well with spicy food). The point is to spend time together.
That's a great list Katy. Earlier generations generally entertained at home and there is no reason we can't do so as well.
@K D - potluck and/or cards were a big thing. Easier if you live in an urban/city neighborhood. But these days a lot of people know few, if any, of their neighbors.
My preferred friend activity is a hike (free) or coffee (very cheap compared to a meal out.
Today's blog reminds me of when I lived in another state. I had a friend from work whose husband worked 12-hour shifts, and she and I would spend our Saturdays going to a diner for breakfast and then making the rounds to all the thrift stores until fairly late in the afternoon. (I invited her to my place, but she never wanted to come over. So I'd meet her at Denny's or the local Mom and Pop diner.) We'd talk and read the paper over our meal, and then visit and shop (we often didn't buy a thing) all day. It was so much fun!
After I moved, another pal and I would go over to the next little town (actually a small village under 5 miles away) and visit with a bunch of folks who lived/hung out there. We'd sit around on a covered porch and often watch the sun go down as we chatted. That was the Best. Summer. Ever. Most of the time, we didn't eat or drink anything, but just visit.
Contrast that with my current church congregation: the ladies want to meet 1x a month for dinner. Half of them order drinks (wine or margaritas) and are tipsy by the time the first course arrives. You can tell because they talk to loud and laugh over nothing much. It is noisy and I can't always follow the conversations going on up and down the long table (several tables jammed together into one long one). It always costs too much and I leave not having a very good time. Needless to say, it was not an ideal situation. I stopped attending about a year ago and haven't missed it one bit.
A timely post as I just hosted 3 friends at my work apartment for 2 nights. We have been friends for 30 years and 3/4 of us are frugal (so the 4th is when she hangs with us!). We stuffed ourselves into my 2-room (not 2-bedroom!) apartment, and at night, there were blow-up mattresses wall-to-wall! I made dinner both nights, spending $26 beyond what I already had in my pantry. We also ate breakfast in, tried to go on a free walk (it was cold & rainy in the Hudson Valley!), and instead played board games and binged on a free season of British Bake Off on Ruku. We did go out for lunch, so for the price of gas and $40 per person for lunch, they got 2 nights away and we all had a great annual meet-up.
Katy,
FYI: I no longer get ensils when you post something new on your blog. Did something change? How do I re-subscribe? Thanks!
same here....I'm not getting notifications about new posts.
First time caller here :). Katy, any timeline on when your archives will be available? I so enjoy this blog and come here on the regular for my frugal fix :). Thank you.
Can’t find archives. No subscribe button.
My go-to social event is usually volunteering for our local theatre. Free admission and a free drink/snack for seating people and helping with concessons. In truth, there are so many ways to volunteer in our city that I rarely pay admission for anything anymore and it's a great way to meet people. I also volunteer for races in our city - bring a friend along and it's a social event! We usually get fed that way too 🙂
Beth, that's a great idea!
Ads have returned! Katy, I'm glad you're in the money again.
The ad at across bottom of my laptop screen has no little "x" in a top corner to make it go away. I can make an individual ad go away by clicking on the triangle and dots and reporting it to ad choices as not interesting to me. But the bar remans across the bottom and another one will reappear. It takes up about a fifth of the screen.
That's frustrating, I'm still working on the blog. Thanks for letting me know.
One of my best friends does not drink coffee but has a little wallet that holds tea bags and gets a cup of hot water for her tea when we meet at a coffee shop.
Living alone as I do, I find I have to pay for socializing. I do like to go out for meals or coffee, but it adds up. I don't have a nearby friend who likes to walk or browse in thrift shops. And all my family and friends are better off than me, so they don't really get it that I would like to get together in a more economical way. Sigh.
I have friends that i get together with on Saturday mornings and walk and catch up at a local park. And another that meets me every Wednesday morning (my work from home day) before I start work to have a walk and catch up with each other. And another friend and I have a standing Wednesday evening date at my house where we stream a show or play a game and eat -- sometimes we order take out, most times we cobble together a meal from things she and I both have on hand.
I get together with two friends on a somewhat regular basis for sew days. We used to take turns hosting and preparing lunch. Then the pandemic came and we stopped meeting in our homes and switched to just bringing our own lunch to the park. When we were able to gather inside again we continued the tradition of bringing our own lunches. It makes it so much easier and we have the same amount of fun.
I often meet friends for walks. Some locally at a park. Sometimes we get coffee afterwards. Other friends live farther away (I've moved a few times) and while we text or chat on the phone, we are able and willing to drive a bit a bit once or twice a year, meet half way, pack a picnic, walk the rail trail and get some great thrift shopping in and connect in person.
We have a friend coming over on Saturday. We're making nachos for dinner and playing cards. All the ingredients are already in the pantry or fridge.
I agree with the sentiment that the 'price of friendship' can be too much for a lot of people. Or at the very least it adds up too quickly.
I have different friends groups. I have two stay at home mom friends with no jobs that spend like it's going out of fashion. Strangely they never invite me out because I encourage us to do game nights and pizza nights at my house, or walking in the neighborhood. I usually end up buying the pizza and providing drinks when I have people over, which is part of my culture growing up to always offer food, drink, or both when people visit your home. When I have these nights and host they never bring anything...
When they tell me or photos show up on their social media of them going out it's always to extremely pricey restaurants. One friend will tell me she is broke and they're behind on bills then buy $40 leggings and a $100 study bible she purchased. She will then go to food banks and book bag drives and not get her child new sneakers or clothes. Her husband is an engineer...she doesn't have friends over because she is a hoarder.
Anyway, lifestyle choices around money can be very limiting to friendships that are superficial. And frustrating when you see people living with the consequences of their choices. But, they're adults.
I think I had a BETTER social life when I was a young mostly- broke Mom! All my friends were in the same boat! We walked our kids to thelake down the street for home made picnics. We walked them to the library for story hours. We had New Year’s eve parties in each other’s homes, pot luck,brought the kiddos and put them all to sleep in big bed together in the main bedroom. It was a fun time of my life.I never felt i was missing out on anything.
Now,I’,m older, my friends always want to “go out to lunch” or “Happy hour.” I don’t drink, not even a glass of wine anymore..so the Keg is out. And I don’t LIKE restaurant food much.. it’s always too salty and fatty and of course, over priced.
I prefer to make food for my friends and have them over so I do.Or a coffee cake and tea.
I do enjoy the bi monthly card games with 4 friends, we rotate houses for hosting and that person makes lunch for all so twice a month I have a great lunch” out” and only have to cook it when it’s my turn. I am known for my quiche and my pumpkin black bean chili, with corn bread.Frugal and tasty! I always have those ingredients on hand.
I’ve been budgeting to spend a day at a local art/craft studio so I can have fun w ith a bunch of other artsy women once a week, but it is going up in price in 2025,so I am trying to put together a smaller group who will meet in our homes instead.. for free.
Where there’s a will there’s a way !! AND creativity trumps all.. put on your thinkingi cap and you’ll come up with lots of free ways to have fun..
Sooo many ways to have fun