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I grabbed this Heywood-Wakefield-ish bedside table off the curb, even though it was soggy and grimy as all get out. Luckily it’s solid wood, (likely maple) so there’s no veneer to get ruined. It’s also incredibly heavy, which is a good sign. I’ll dry it out on the porch and then set it in the basement until the weather’s mild enough to sand and refinish it. Should be a fun (and cheap) project!
It’s giving this vibe:
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I went on the library website at midnight on February 1st to see if they’d loaded any new free “discovery passes.” I was able to reserve passes for the Oregon Jewish Museum and Center for Holocaust Education (value $20) and the Japanese American Museum of Oregon. (value $16) The reservations aren’t until March and April, but it’ll be nice to have something to look forward to.
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My sister and I stopped at the Goodwill near my father’s house and I thrifted this handmade wooden tray for just $3.99. I’ll probably keep it as I’m a sucker for a good tray to corral like items.
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I slept in my daughter’s old bedroom for a night as my husband was fighting a cold and was coughing a fair amount. I rarely go in this room except to water plants, so I was super surprised to discover that an orchid plant was in full bloom. This plant was given to us by a neighbor a couple years ago after she lost interest in it. I never expected that it would bloom as this room is kind of cold, but I guess the key to success was to do nothing whatsoever.
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I didn’t buy an election.
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Good morning. Again you’ve surprised me with another curb find. I’m excited to see what it looks like when you’ve finished it. Also, that tray is so cute.
1. I made lasagna from scratch, some salad and breadsticks for lunch at my MIL’s house. Two daughters and my Son-IL came also. We had a great lunch and there were enough leftovers for everyone and also a couple pieces of lasagna for my mom and sister.
2. I used a $5 reward at World Market to buy 3 clearance dish towels. I paid $1 out of pocket. They have a loop on the corner so I can hang them from a knob in my kitchen to dry my hands. They’re a darker color so they won’t show stains.
3. I returned a frame to Michael’s that won’t work out. I chose to have an item custom framed instead. I used a $5 reward towards this.
4. I found a chuck steak marked down 55% at Meijer. I put it in the freezer for a future stew.
5. I sold another item on Ebay. I shipped it with recycled materials. I sorted through and organized all of my shipping supplies so I can use what I have up.
My dingaling puppy managed to knock over a large, heavy 1940s lamp with its original shade. The metal components were bent when it fell to the ground and the shade fell off the frame. I bent the metal parts back, praying it would work (it did) and I ordered some “frame tape” (who know that was a thing) from Schmeff Schmezos.
I used Pirate Ship to send some packages all with recycled materials.
I continue to eat my usual breakfast of scrambled eggs and vegetables. Even if they’re $1 an egg here, I love them and they’re good for me, and $2 plus maybe 50c for vegetables is still a cheap enough breakfast.
I was treated to drinks and dinner by a good pal.
I didn’t crash the economy by levying ridiculous tariffs on my neighbors.
Also, that is a very nice bedside cabinet. It does look Heywood Wakefieldish, but it’s also giving me 1930s English art deco vibes. I will be interested to see if it’s marked or stamped in any way. Might be burr maple, which again points to art deco.
Average breakfast out, with tip, is pushing $20 in my area. So $2.50 for a meal you enjoy in the proportion you enjoy is a bargain. I’m with you – if I want to eat eggs, I’ll pay the going price. A cheap made China item is a hard pass.
1. I didn’t set foot in any retail establishment yesterday.
2. I went for a walk (in the drizzle) and found enough cans to finish off a bag to take to BottleDrop.
3. I gifted a kitchen gadget that had been cluttering my cabinet.
4. I found a bright yellow dish tub in the gutter and brought it home with me. It will corral cleaning products under the kitchen sink. I love that it found a home before it got crushed under the wheels of a car. (It was a non-residential street, Katy! I’m pretty sure it isn’t someone’s recycling tub!)
5. I didn’t call anyone a DEI hire.
Your save on the yellow tub got me thinking about what I use to sort things under my kitchen sink. I have an olive green divided tray with a broken handle that was originally my parents’; a hospital room basin; a vintage glass pie pan that has a crack so shouldn’t be used with heat; an ice cream pail from when they used to be five gallons; and a tub from when I tried dollar store dishwasher tabs, (they worked fine, but I use detergent that is not individually plasticized now. The tub is indestructible plastic).
I’d rather have objects with stories than a color-coordinated instagramable situation under there. It sounds like you have some stories under your sink!
Yes, because you will remember how you found that tub!
After I wrote, I remembered my number one criteria for identifying a good or bad apartment: Is it clean under the kitchen sink?
I moved a lot in school, and determined that any place that had moisture or lots of repairs under the sink would have similar problems elsewhere in the apartment.
Smart. You have to avoid the bad under sink stories!
1. Had a no-spend Sunday, and working on a no-spend Monday.
2. Cashed in on some rewards to pay a bill.
3. Set up my bachelorette party event… a tour of my favorite natural history & art museum. Will be $180 for 13 people.
4. Registered for a free water conference- I’ll be able to finish my advanced training hours for a volunteer organization completely for free.
5. I didn’t harass another country for trade purposes.
1) Used lemons from our tree to make a delicious lemon chicken dish. Also used the remaining half lemon to dress our salad.
2) While I was working on my taxes (oh boy), found a $25 multi store gift card that had never been used. Activated it, and saved it to my app,so I could use it next time we were planning on a meal out. (I tend to save these for days when I’m sick, or when we are struggling to plan a meal based on activities, etc.)
3) Used a $5/$25 purchase at CVS & a $2 Rite Aid reward to pick up a few things we need. We have a busy February, with multiple birthdays & Valentine’s Day. I like to get my teens a few treats & a small amount of cash for Valentine’s Day. I also picked up a birthday card for DS18.
4) Sold a skirt on eBay.
5) Picked up a few oranges my neighbors set out for sharing. A lot of our neighbors have citrus trees, as our area used to be an orchard before houses were added.
Oh, and I love that bedside table! So glad you rescued it & can’t wait to see what you do with it next.
It’ll be a few months, as I’ll need warmer weather to coax me outdoors.
1. Back from another whirlwind travel weekend and we have all the leftovers to prove it. Pulled dinner together last night out of leftover side dishes and a few dumplings out of our freezer. No takeout ordered!
2. Started another book on libby – Daisy Jones and the Six. I am not sure I love the format, but I’ll give it another dozen pages or so. Love that if I DNF I can just return it and not feel bad about spending the money on it.
3. Using up crappy hair products on days I stay home. I don’t need my hair to curl nicely every day, just stay detangled, so this works to keep it from knotting and not waste product.
4. I wanted to start journaling again to stay sane, so I found a notebook from some conference giveaway and started using that. Not everything has to be a perfect purpose/use and this one is just fine.
5. I did not put tariffs on our neighbors, raising prices of my favorite groceries (cucumbers! avocados! whiskey???)
I do this too with curly hair products! I try not to buy new products but it can be hard not to keep hoping for better results, so then I do what you do. And then, when I’m using a crappy product for what feels like forever, it helps me remember that there is no magical curly potion out there. 😉
Not sure if you ever listen to books on audio; but Daisy Jones and the Six was TERRIFIC in that format! The interview style worked really well as audio, it has a full cast of narrators.
OOH good tip, I love audiobooks! Maybe this one would be more interesting to me in that format 🙂
1. Thrifted 4 different love every toys at our local arc. Was able to source missing parts through our BN group and contacted the company for some replacements. I did pay for some, but these toys resell well and I appreciate that they are not all plastic. Most will be saved for birthday gifts for 1st second bday!
2. Scored a bunch of marked down food at a grocery store I don’t typically go into including produce, rainforest crisps, sugar, baby puff snacks, and steaks (frozen and saved for Valentine’s Day).
3. Got my free zoo tickets for our local zoo for next weekend. Will be baby’s first time!
4. Used free coffee coupons to a local coffee shop before they expired. A lot of local realtors sent them out. One of the locations is in the clubhouse of a gated community , and I learned that you don’t have to be a resident to go! It’s a lovely building with a little play area for kids, lots of tables, a large fireplace and is only a mile from home, so am really excited to spend more time there with baby.
5. Picked up a bunch of things through our BN group including boxes of qtips (for doggos ears), marble coasters, a stroller blanket, a bunch of really nice pens (we were down to 1), children’s Tylenol unopened, new to us toys and a play kitchen that needs a lot of love, but am excited to rehab!
Not so frugal: this morning I put baby in the car after 5 nights of no sleep and nap strikes. We went to Starbucks and I got coffee and an overpriced breakfast sandwich and then went through an over priced car wash so I could eat said breakfast sandwich. He loved it. Did I spent almost 35 dollars ? Yes. Do I have time to hand wash a car with an infant? Absolutely no. So focusing on the fact that baby was entertained, I ate before 2pm, the car is clean, and he fell asleep when we got home for at least a short nap.
Emily, your morning outing was money well spent!
I have no issue with your purchases (not a Starbucks fan but one has to make use of what is available). Double kudos if you live in an area that salts roads, single kudos for just taking care of your vehicle. And your sanity and being yet another example of not all woman should have children. Those that are not sleepers/nappers are quite the challenge.
1. Finally got rid of the tv that our neighbor gifted to us last March. He was going through a divorce and moving and he didn’t want to move it. So we accepted it only to find out that it didn’t work. Most places here make you pay them to offload a tv – even electronics recycling. Then I saw on my Buy Nothing group that you can donate it to a Smash Room. Brilliant! So as of yesterday afternoon, I am happy and so is the Smash Room.
2. Still in the process of cleaning out my closet and this time I went through t-shirts and sweaters. Found a few to get rid of and am donating to my Buy Nothing group today along with a few food items. I was late to the party with Buy Nothing but I love it.
3. We needed two new tires on our car. Bit the bullet last week and went to get that done. My husband thought to ask if they had any used tires and upon inspection of what they had, he picked out two and saved us a good chunk of money.
4. After dropping the tv off yesterday we decided to use a gift card our daughter got us to go out to dinner. The wait at that establishment was an hour to hour and a half! (The weather was nice yesterday so I suppose every one decided to get out) There was a chain restaurant across the street so we headed there and they had early bird specials of 50% off apps so we got those and my husband enjoyed a cheap beer.(happy hour prices) Not frugal to go out but the bill was incredibly
low. Not as good as free but it’ll do.
5. Eating food from the freezer that I got on sale, reading library books (current: A Rose Life in Italy by Rosie Meleady), watching Brit Box (current: Beyond Paradise) , cleaning out closets and hanging with my 3 year old grandson.
That “gift” of a TV that didn’t work sounds like a Trojan Horse to me, given how hard it is to dispose responsibly of a TV these days. And do tell us more about the Smash Room. The way things are going in the US these days, I’d like to smash something myself.
I found out about the Smash Room on my Buy Nothing Group. It was free to donate and then it was free for them. Apparently, you make an appointment and pay to go smash things with safety glasses and a hammer. I’m in the Denver area and we found 3 in the Greater Denver area. I agree – Sounds like a fantastic idea – especially right now!
Re your #3 – I have only bought used tires for the ‘fleet’ – and I have saved hundreds of dollars doing so. we have a place nearby called ‘Good Used Tires’ and- although they do have new tires – their used tires are in great shape and half or less the cost of new. It is one of those ‘who knew’ kinds of things, but often folk who buy new cars will upgrade their tires, getting splashy fancy ones, and the ones they don’t want end up at tire stores.
Some folk will replace their tires every year, and those of us who are careful with our money can benefit. particularly if you aren’t in a hurry, and you have a relationship with your tire store, they will keep an eye out and call you when they get your size of tires.
We are in that situation now – we will need two more new tires sometime this year and they will keep an eye out for us for used ones. Though this is not a Good Used Tires but a Les Schwab repair center. I’m thrilled with this idea of used tires – saving some money and fewer tires on the huge pile of used tires that occur every year.
I like your solution for the TV. I’d love to go to a smash room. I met a lady at the Goodwill bins while visiting my daughter in Cleveland and she was picking up breakables for a smash room that she owns. Also, thank you for clueing me in to the used tire market. I had no idea.
1. Went to the local hardware store for roof patch, instead of driving farther to go to the chain store. My husband used about a third of the can to patch around the vents and other sundry things that live on the roof. Bought the 7 year warranty, instead of the 10 year warranty, as we will likely have to replace the roof before 10 years are up.
2. Spend less than a dollar (not counting fuel) for two breakfasts for two people. Made french toast casserole out of scratch-and-dent Tillamook cream cheese, leftover food bank baguette, tangerines that weren’t worth peeling for lunch, milk and flax egg. I love using us things that would otherwise have gone to the chickens or the landfill. I work the last day our food bank is open specifically so I can rescue things that otherwise would be dumped. (I also really push food for clients that day. If you come in at the end of the day when I’m working, you can really score!)
3. Brought a picnic to the Tu B’Vsat celebration at a local farm. We spent $20 each to attend, but I figured it was worth it to support the farm. Tu B’vshat is a Jewish New Year celebration for the trees, when the new fruit comes in. (I’m not 100% certain, as I came in late when the rabbi was explaining it.) There was tree planting, and chickens, and music, and family. We did not spend more than the entrance fee, and I came home with information on food donations. Apparently, our giant university has some of the highest levels of food insecurity in the county. Very sad.
4. Rehomed or roasted almost 30 pounds of grape tomatoes. Last night’s dinner was grilled cheese with pesto, mozzarella and roasted grape tomatoes. Avoiding food waste is not a hardship.
5. Played a game with my husband Friday night, at home, and made apps for dinner instead of going out.
All inspiring all the time!
I am wearing a vintage thrifted coat and I’m mending it as the lining shreds.
I ordered more cat food and litter since everyday items will increase in price with tariffs and anticipated price gouging.
I bought an election and a Grammy and pulled all my possessions to the curb and replaced them with new online from bezo so the world would not invert and tilt toppling through space. Be the asteroid.
@t – quite the good chuckle, even if it is factual.
Trying to participate on here more because I enjoy reading others comments so much!
1) I cook dinner every night except Saturdays, which is our takeout night. This last Saturday though I was volunteering at a school fundraiser that was serving food and my husband got home from an exhausting day helping family and wasn’t hungry, so I just made a frozen pizza for the kids before I left and saved us on takeout costs.
2) I haven’t been on Facebook at all in over 2 weeks(and it logged me out and I can’t recall the password so those extra steps will also make it unlikely I’ll go on soon). Even though I minimized my use anyways, I’d still sometimes go on and get sucked in by a targeted ad and or get upset about something I saw on there (so an emotional well-being cost). The only reason I’m not deleting my account though is buy nothing! I can’t find a solid replacement and I try to use buy nothing to give things away whenever possible before I do a thrift store drop-off.
3) I’ve belonged to a parents group in my town since my oldest was born, it was a real life saver, to meet other parents and all the baby and toddler stuff shared and given away saved me tons of money over the years. I was thinking of not renewing for this year though since my kids are now aging out(the group is for parents with kids under 5) and I don’t really use many of its benefits anymore. I decided to renew one last year though and last weekend they had their winter party at a children’s museum. I brought my kids and they loved it, we stayed for hours. It would have cost us $66 for admission and parking to the museum, so the $50 I spent for the club membership has already paid for itself for the year! Plus they provided free food at the event so saved on lunch costs too.
4) My mom bought steel cut oats because she heard they were healthier than rolled oats but then discovered she doesn’t like them or the time it takes to cook them. She knows I like them though so gave me the full canister.
5) I got a nice thick wooden cutting board that had been my grandparents, it had a big dip in the middle though from their repeated use. My dad is going to plane it so it’s flat again and reseal it with food-safe oil. He already has the tool and he likes projects so it worked out for both of us.
I love your story about the cutting board! So cool.
I love that you’re saving the cutting board. The history of the item is invaluable.
I am so curious to see how the bedside table turns out!
I have a trash-picked piece of furniture in the back of my van right now that is also waiting for some warmer days. 😉
Five frugal things:
1. Last saturday I went to a vision boarding event in the afternoon, complete with items needed to create a vision board, a charcuterie board and wine. I had sparkling water instead. The host provided everything needed so it was fun and free.
2. After that I went to play in a pickleball tournament. Someone rented the courts and 16 of us showed up to play. I didn’t get anything to eat or drink because I had dinner before I left so it was also free. And I was a semi-finalist!
3. At the vision boarding event, they were doing a raffle for some spa services. I won a free laser facial! I went today to get a patch test done and saw the spa services sheet and the facial I’m getting for free is worth $250!!!! (As an aside, I’m assuming one normally tips for facials. I don’t get them so I don’t know. What would be a nice amount to tip? $20?)
4. A hot yoga place is opening up near me and this past week they offered three free classes. I did one last Saturday and one on Sunday.
5. Spent some time with my husband working out different potential options when his job is no longer remote in two years (this is a new development). Since his company is located 12 hours away in a much more expensive state, we’ve been talking about different options and thinking about how finances would work for each option. We would lose money moving to a more expensive state, with higher housing costs, higher interest rate, higher property taxes and higher cost of living. Toying with the idea of him traveling there since he only needs to be there three days a week, not five and since he would only have about four years left until retirement when this goes into play. Just coming up with some potential plans, helps settle my worries just a bit.
I would give $40 to the facialist, but apparently NYers always overtip.
Re remoteness: you might be able to work out something midweek guaranteed with an Airbnb host. My daughter has done that for a previous job where she needed to be in Manhattan a few days a week but couldn’t find an affordable apartment or share. (NYC currently has a huge housing shortage.) Then she came home on weekends. Not ideal but sometimes ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. And Airbnb hosts are often eager to get midweek rentals.
Thanks for that Air B and B tip – something to look into for sure!
@Rose – I agree with the $40 tip and I don’t live in NY. The facial was essentially free (suspect the cost, if any, for the raffle was minimal).
Good idea to start thinking about options now.
This might seem a random note, but are you and his work anywhere near Amtrak routes?
Or might any of his colleagues also be in the situation he is in and wish to share a place?
No. I wish! It’s legitimately a two hour plane ride away, unfortunately. And he was the only one remote at this point so no one else is looking for a place or temporary roommate. Thanks for the thought though!
Years ago when I was still working we had a consultant for 6 months. Through Craig’s List (useful at the time) she managed to find a room in a nicer neighborhood with a woman who carefully vetted professional people who needed accommodations during the work week. (Our consultant spent 4 nights a week in our town). It was a win win.
Another friend traveled to Canada each month and also traveled abroad for her company. She stayed routinely at a Residence Inn and they actually stored some if her belongings for her when she wasn’t in residence because for years she stayed there.
Got my hair cut this morning at Great Clips with the senior discount. Bought shower cleaner and leather conditioner at the grocery store next door because it’s less there than the hardware store. Stopped at Aldi on the way home and scored 50% off on bread and five and a half pounds of ground beef. I divided the beef up into quart bags and froze it and the bread. Also bought berries on sale to freeze and, as they come from Mexico, silently bid farewell to that money-saving hack. Washed some of our windows with the excellent and very cheap jug of window cleaner from Dollar Tree.
Did not insult any of my neighbors and nor did I enact bone-headed policies that will make feeding my family more expensive.
FFT, Crossing the Rubicon Edition:
(1) I’ve just called my lawyer’s office and set up an appointment for CF and me to take NDN in to get the ball rolling on NDN’s end-of-life paperwork. Not easy and not fun, but it has to be done, and sooner rather than later. This is the Rubicon that CF and I have just crossed. (For those who are just now joining this saga, NDN is my 86-year-old next-door neighbor in the early stages of dementia, and CF is her only other close friend.)
(2) On to more mundane things. In between bouts of dealing with NDN’s furnace (which again went wonky) yesterday, I managed to make a batch of “No @#$%!! Sugar in the Cornbread.” The cornbread used up an elderly egg (Lord knows I don’t want to waste eggs these days) and some milk that was going sour.
(3) I also managed to make a bean and sausage soup, freely adapted from an old Martha Stewart recipe. The soup used up turkey stock and sausage from the freezer, plus several cans of veg. (The canned peas had a best-by date of December 2022, but I’m not dead yet.)
(4) I ran a long-overdue load of cold-wash laundry this morning and hung it on my Antiques Roadshow drying racks. I was down to my last pair of clean winter-weight socks.
(5) And here’s one I’m sure Katy will approve of: On my most recent trip to Ollie’s, I found a perfectly good winter coat (men’s small) stuffed into a shopping bag and abandoned in the parking lot, along with a brand-new funnel. The coat, on a sniff test, reeked of gasoline; evidently someone was filling his gas tank from a can and slopped some gas on it. But I brought the coat home, aired it out for a couple of days, and have just washed it with the other laundry in (4). I’ll donate it to a thrift. And, heck, I can always use another funnel.
Bless you for being such a wonderful help to your neighbor.
That is a cool score the abandoned coat. I used Suave shampoo as laundry detergent years ago to get gasoline out of DH’s jeans. The lavender scent was a big improvement over petroleum.
Your #1 is great news. I’m so thankful your neighbor has you. I can’t imagine going through all that on my own.
1. On Saturday we went to Costco to pick up sunglasses DH had ordered. He is very happy with them and he paid $110 out of pocket (insurance covered some of the cost). The optical place where we get our eyes examined quoted $990 for something similar. They are not in network for our vision insurance coverage.
2. I bought gas at Costco. I don’t know that it is a cheap as at Sam’s Club but we were there and the tank was low. I saw today that Costco was cheaper than the stations in our downtown area.
3. I went to Aldi to buy mandarins and apples. They were on sale and we were low on both of them.
4. When we travel to New England in a couple of months we will stay at a VRBO in my SIL’s neighborhood. We were not impressed with the Hampton Inn last time we stayed there. This place will be closer, a bit cheaper, and in a walk-able neighborhood.
5. I’m wearing a warm fleece top I got at a clothing exchange last spring.
I also pulled a “Katy” a few days ago, pulled into my neighborhood and saw a small blue bundle on side of road – pulled over and it was a men’s small long sleeve shirt – with a dog walker watching me suspiciously, I put it on floor of car to take home……washed and to the donation bag it went!
Found 87 cents in the coin changer at the store!
I did not impose any tariffs on my neighbors.
1. My 14-year-old dishwasher decided to bite the dust. It sounds like it’s the motor. Instead of repairing or replacing it, DH and I are both in agreement we’re going to try life without a dishwasher. It’s just the two of us and the occasional visitor or visitors. We do have an emergency fund but think we’d better save it for something maybe more pressing.
2. I went to the town library to pick up the raffle prize I won for reading in January. It’s a set of 3 books by Emily Henry. I’ve never read her books but am looking forward to it. While there, I picked up a book, The Cure for Women by Lydia Reeder I had put on hold. I also dropped off my completed town census to save myself a stamp.
3. I made a crock pot full of Boston Baked Beans using the .50 lb. Navy beans I discovered last week at Market Basket. Good comfort food for a cold night.
4. I picked up a check from the consignment store for $10.25 from a couple of items I had brought in.
5. I didn’t give an unelected person access to American citizens’ Social Security information.
I loved the audio version of Emily Henry’s:recent “Funny Story” book. I got it free on Libby through my library. It made me appreciate the book more.
Thanks for the recommendation. That one wasn’t included in the 3-pack I received but I look forward to reading it.
Love that tray!
I had a spendy weekend with grocery shopping at three places, but I also prepped and cooked tasty and fruit&veggie- heavy healthy meals for the week. A gift for future me and also hopefully health savings later.
i made banana walnut chocolate chip muffins, an egg and bread breakfast casserole with cheese, spinach, red peppers and sweet potato, and a vegetarian version of “Hamburger soup” from the NYTimes last week. My husband has also learned to bake baguettes. It’s cold out and the world is complicated, it feels good to nourish myself and loved ones.
I want to post anonymously today…because I am seeking some advice. If this isn’t allowed, please delete.
We go to a church and for the last few years a couple has been coming. They were first homeless living in their car, then the car died and they were able to find housing in a travel trailer in a a backyard of someone’s trailer at a trailer park. No water or plumbing…
The female has physical disabilities and seems to function younger than her age, I dont know if has a mental health diagnosis or if she abused drugs and it affected her significantly. The male has a history of doing hard drugs, meth specifically. He makes zero sense and tells great stories of being neighbors and friends with musicians as a child. He was very close with Cher and the Osbornes for instance… They both claim the majority of the family is dead. She has a mother in another state who will not let her move in with her.
A few families have given them rides to church so they can attend. My S/O and I started doing this a few months ago, the female now calls my S/O directly and asks for a ride and he’s too polite to tell her no. We’ve now been sucked into their life every Sunday for about five hours a day. A family who used to give them rides was also giving them money, but left the church, for reasons not associated with giving them help. We haven’t given them money yet but have taken them out for meals and treated. Recently the female told me they went four days without food. I feel terrible for her.
I contacted the church recently and asked them to help the couple, they said they would bring them food and try and connect them with social services. However, upon going to the couples trailer, the couple wasn’t there. The male landed in the hospital for three days where he also tested positive for meth… This Sunday the female came up to me and my S/O at the end of church and immediately started trauma dumping.
I’m frustrated because there’s so many people who go to our church and it seems that my S/O and I are the only life line these people have and it’s weighing on me. I work full time and have a lot going on. My S/O actually has poor health but appears to function well to most people. I dont want to help them anymore, and I dont want this woman to trauma dump on me (I have a history of trauma), or to dominate and compromise all of our time every time we’re at church. It’s actually making me not want to go. My Sundays have now become their time instead of mine. I feel resentful.
I’m trying to think of the best way to back out of helping so often or at all. Or considering calling Adult Protective Services to see if she can get a social worker (I researched and that’s the approach for an adult in the state I’m in). I’m on the fence to do that for some reason. I dont mean to Dear Abby on here. But this is costing me my sanity every Sunday, and I have a feeling if we continue they will ask us for money or more and I dont want to get any more involved.
How do I politely back out of this situation? It’s too much for me.
Thanks
I feel for you. It’s no fun being the “chosen one” as someone’s substitute family when it really is a job for social services. We had a (slightly) mentally challenged individual at our church. One day she asked me for a ride home and that was just the beginning. She glommed onto me like I was her mother. I found out later there were several “mothers” before me who felt compassion for this person until her neediness drove them away. This is a woman who lives on her own but is mentally needy and clingy. The pinnacle was one day I was sitting in a pew close to a friend before church, just chatting. The needy person literally wedged herself in between the two of us and proceeded to stare at me. I could tell you a hundred stories. I finally went to the minister for advice. I felt like a really crummy Christian. The minister explained I had to set strict boundaries because the needy person didn’t have any. I finally understood. While still being kind to her, I stopped all rides and changed my phone number. The church secretary graciously would not give her my new number. It worked for me. I hope you can implement some kinds of boundaries too before it gets way out of hand. You might want to read Donna Freedman’s blog, Surviving and Thriving, this week. Good luck to you.
Christine, you are offering very good insught here. Setting boundaries can be very difficult, especially when you feel badly for these people. But you can’t take care of them, your partner and yourself. Especially if they can’t meet you at any point in the process of improving their situation. Speaking to your priest and social services may be where you need to set the boundary. But you are not required, as a Christian, to pour yourself out into the sand.
This reminds me of the saying that goes something like “You are obligated to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” People who are actively addicted will bleed you dry, then toss aside your husk and find someone else to attach themselves to.
If your partner is unable to say no when she calls, he needs to block her number. That leaves you to be the deliverer of bad news but it is best to give a short direct message. Practice ahead of time and then next time she calls or approaches you in church say your piece. “I’m sorry, we will no longer be able to give you rides or otherwise be involved in your lives. Here is the name and number for adult protective services, they may be able to help you.” S/he may attempt to argue but just keep saying, “I’m sorry, we cannot help you anymore.” You do not have to give any reason beyond we cannot help you anymore. If she sits between you and your friend, say you are having a private conversation. If she does not move, you and your friend can move. If she says they have not eaten in four days, suggest she contact the local food bank.
You sound like such a compassionate person. Please don’t let this person continue to use you.
Great advice, Lindsey.
Anon: addicts will just use you for what they can get. Sucks but you have to remove yourself from this situation.
Lindsey, this is excellent advice.
Anonymous, know that you’ve already done more than enough and are not obligated to set yourself on fire any longer.
You are NOT obligated to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm…what a place to mistype.
@Lindsey, I actually found the ‘mistyped’ statement more powerful, as my whole body said “WOAH! wait a minute!” and totally rejected it. I think if you read it as intended (with the NOT), the impact might actually be less. But thanks for clarifying, too, because I DID wonder where you got that ‘false’ statement from! LOL
Great curb find, Katy! If it dries out slowly (and assembled) I hope it avoids twisting. The ‘potential after’ photos have me envious.
1. Re Mr. Pumpkinhead Tariffs, my local discount vegetable store emailed us a pretty poster listing all the Canadian veggies available right now. The poster also lists what Canadian veggies we can expect to see on the shelves for the next 3 months.
A very useful document, not just for their store. As someone’s 85 year old mom said on another blog “we don’t need to eat asparagus, we can eat beets, leeks and cabbage”. I concur
2. Not frugal yet wonderful – went to a ‘staged reading’ put on by our local theatre troupe. My friend and I were VERY impressed, and buzzing, after the show. It was a local author and the first public performance of any kind, of her play – and I really hope to see this go somewhere (then I can say “I was there at the very beginning”). Donation of $20 worth every penny
3. I seem to have joined a fibre group that meets weekly to sit in a circle and they spin or knit or crochet or do other fibre-related things for a couple of hours. Unscripted, just hanging out, $5 drop-in fee. Afterwards some of us go for lunch at the community run cafe – delicious food for half of what you would pay in a restaurant. I am yearning for community and seem to have found one that has no extensive demands on my time or energy or finances, just lovely humans hanging out.
4. There were odds and ends in the fridge and chicken broth percolating in the instant pot, I put together a soup with cooked rice noodles, some broccoli and baby bok choi, some bean sprouts and cooked chicken. It was bland yet #2 son said he was yearning for something bland. We ate up everything I cooked. (I put some lime juice in from a sad lime, bye-bye citrus for the near future, sob)
5. We got an expected yet slightly unseasonable snowfall, more to come – frugal for me as I am choosing to not drive when it snows. (I have 4X4, and live where folk are hopeless driving in the snow, so staying off the roads is frugally avoiding accidents). I put on snow-pants I’ve had for 35 years – the zipper only comes halfway up as it got a bit melted, but I get warm anyway. And a super nice hardly worn winter snow jacket passed down from a friend. Snowshoes I have had for 20 years. Got down to the sheep and to the chickens, then took the dog for a snowshoed tromp down a quiet lane.
Storing this winter gear – that is used for only a few weeks a year – is very frugal, because when I need it, I REALLY need it.
6. I have started to sort my seeds so I don’t buy what I already have. Might as well on a snowy day!
7. I finally got to the gym on Friday with my trainer – I have been joined at the hip with a cold that won’t leave, so the gym had fallen by the wayside. Trainer isn’t frugal however we save money elsewhere in order to have it for important things, and getting stronger and more agile is something I need help with.
I was supposed to go to the gym with my trainer today – instead, I will do some of my ‘little’ fit-in exercises that add up – if done, a few at a time, all day. Setting the timer to go off every hour for a 10 min workout will keep me healthy even if there is snow on the roads!
8. Reading many library books, as well as blogs and carefully curated news. Cooking from the pantry. Planning the garden. Making coffee at home as always.
I often use a little bit of vinegar to add acid to bland food. Cider vinegar, or red wine vinegar, should help instead of citrus. (I hope cider vinegar is domestic!)
1. I got 18 NY bagels from TooGoodToGo. It cost $6.21 compared to $18.
2. My son put my new tires on for me at his work on Saturday. I offered him money but he wouldn’t take it.
3. My son wasn’t feeling good Sunday so I brought him soup, 3 bagels, and medicine.
4. I cooked 2 packages of marked down chicken legs. I made Matzo ball soup with some, dog food with some and the rest went into the freezer. I cooked the bones for stock.
5. Cooked my last turkey from Thanksgiving time(49¢ a pound). I threw the bones in the crockpot to make stock overnight. 1 breast went back into the freezer.
6. Paid bills online saving stamps. Keeping the heat at 62 during the day and 65 at night. Layer, layer, layer.
1. Subbed a half day. Income is always a good thing. Charged my phone at work.
2. Picked up a bunch of craft things from a friend of a friend that is moving.
3. Shopped for a few usual things at Costco last night instead of waiting until later in the week when prices could be different.
4. Did our monthly tracking of all expenditures and changed a few investments based on Vanguard’s latest webinar.
5. Ate leftover soup for dinner. Seems fitting for budget night.
That bedside table is going to be beautiful!
1. Made it home safely from Arizona and avoided medical or funeral expenses.
2. Brought our own stainless dishes, cups, flatware and cloth napkins to hotel complimentary breakfasts.
3. Took two hard-boiled eggs from our hotel’s breakfast to make egg salad. The bananas we took to-go ripened very quickly, so we saved those for making banana bread at home.
4. Reduced our auto insurance premium by putting one of our vehicles in storage status for the five weeks we were away.
5. Saved money by suspending our garbage/recycling service while we were away.
I appreciate your #2. Motel breakfasts seem to thrive on Styrofoam dishes, not to mention potential food waste.
Heidi Louise, thank you. It’s all single-use crap that just adds to our environmental sh*t show.
Beautiful orchid!
1. Some appointments got canceled. This was unplanned, but will save some gas money (and time!)
2. Made a meatless bean soup for supper.
3. Husband successfully got the new internet working. This cheaper option will save about $30 a month!
4. The used book I ordered off ebay for the kids got in.
5. Dried my clothes in the dryer when the free nightly rate kicked on.
My fellow citizens, regardless of political party, we are facing a constitutional crisis. Elon Musk, an unelected, unvetted official has taken over our treasury. The payment system, our information, the secure information of the different federal departments. He cannot do this legally, and yet he is. Please call your elected officials, lets use the tools we have available to us: 202 224-2123 US Capitol switchboard. They will transfer you to your elected officials office. This is an american issue, not a party issue.
Much grace to each of you.
Patricia
Thank you Patricia, for the telephone number and for encouraging all of us to stand up against this madness. The times we are in reminds me of the saying “What fresh hell awaits me?” but this occurs every morning when my feet hit the floor.
Thank you for the PSA, Patricia. Inspired by my own local peace-and-justice group, I’ve just called Senator Schumer’s local office (I live in NY State) and left him a polite but firm piece of my mind about this. I’ll do the same with Senator Gillibrand as soon as I can get through to her answering machine.
Found 2 RX bars in a crosswalk. Odd. Not damaged, 1 month past Best Buy date. Added to our pantry.
2. Found several apples and one orange on the sidewalk. Brought home and washed cut up for fruit salad.
3. Working on eating, no sugar and found a good recipe for banana muffins with no sugar added.
4. Found flaxseeds languishing in the back of the fridge, added those to the muffins.
5. Our 1898 built apartment building is very cold with its 14 foot ceilings. Even with our heat set between 61 and 64° our bill last month was $550. It would be one thing if we’ve been comfortable, but we haven’t. We go to the YMCA For fitness classes and only shower there for the last month because it’s too cold in our bathroom. So we are saving money on our electricity not running hot water for showers. We can’t wait for spring.
Oh my. My jaw dropped when I saw the amount of your electric bill. That’s crazy.
I’ve been sugar free for one year now, it’s great, I find I have so much more energy! DH also joined me, we’re quite strict and do not eat honey, maple syrup or sweeteners either. Only dates and those only very occassionally. We do make exceptions for (close) family birthdays and our wedding anniversary, but I make the cakes for those occasions myself and know exactly how much sugar goes into them 🙂
I cannot believe your electricity bill, that’s insane!
1. I hung up clothing to dry and saved on dryer time.
2. I finished the Time of the Child on the Libby app and felt refreshed by the story.
3. I made turkey tetrazzini with leftover Thanksgiving turkey from the freezer. Cost about $3 for 3 huge dinners.
4. I washed my salt and rime covered car myself when the sun came out for a minute. I am 69 and this is a new skill for me.
5. I get my news from several sources so I can judge bias and keep my opinions to myself since I am often wrong!
1. I am visiting another library today and participating in their plant swap program. I brought four propagated plants to the swap.
2. The branch I am visiting has a ‘soup or bowl’ lunch potluck. I didn’t bring anything but sampled as visiting staff. Really nice reception.
3. It took a few weeks, but we got an application in for my son to attend a local college STEM camp this Summer. The camp is free, if you get in. Fingers crossed.
4. I went through the pantry and organized certain items by expiration to see what to use first in certain categories like mac and cheese. We could buy less of this it seems.
5. I am rotating my clothes to try and feel like I have more variety in what I have. It’s challenging, but a good practice to not buy new.
Bonus- I was able to watch the new documentary on Netflix titled Buy Now. Thankfully I borrowed my SIL’s Netflix to watch instead of buying a subscription to watch a documentary in part about the idea of mass production and how we over consume. It was ok. Good to see an updated documentary about this. I found the idea of buy not get it now with Amazon and online shopping to be the most interesting. The images of clothes meshed into a beach in some land somewhere were also extremely sad. The quote, no one needs a new sweater, stood out to me.
1. Used my free birthday reward to get my nothing but bunt cake buntlett.
2. Picked up my free Ulta skin care birthday gift
3. Went back to work last Thursday after 6 weeks off (valve replacement and hotel closure)
4 Downloaded aisle app to try new products for free or BOGO
5. Used Hallmark rewards to purchase a few birthday cards
Katy, great curb find. Might I suggest that you remove the drawers as it dries so they won’t stick.
1.family and I were talking, and I found out SiL has been eating a lot of applesauce while having extensive dental work done. I went to our local fruit/veg market and found 2 40# boxes of mixed varieties of apples for 5.00 each box. Have peeled and processed 20 quarts of applesauce.
2. started apple vinegar in y vintage 3 gallon pickle jar. It’s full!
3. My chickens have started laying again, extra apple peels went to the chickens.
4.made and have been using homemade rinse aid for the dishwasher.
5. trimmed and started baby spider plants to use as pot filler outside when Spring gets here.
6. was able to line dry bed sheets outside. They smell awesome!
Thank you for the advice, that’s exactly what I did.
I made a veggie stir fry the other night and a sweet/sour sauce for it. For the “sweet” I used some of the water/juice in a can of mandarin oranges. Have done the same thing with any canned juice. Not throwing it out and not adding sugar. The same juice makes great frozen cubes for tea or flavored water.
Pam, now that’s a great idea!
I cannot wait to see the magic you work on that night stand!
Only 2 frugal things, but they’re pretty good to me.
1) I bought 3 bottles of sriracha sauce (a favorite kind of sauce of mine, used about 5 times a week) and 2 bottles of sugar-free low sodium steak sauce (low carb and low sodium are dietary needs of a family member who loves steak), minimum total retail prices of around $24 and sometimes much higher, for a grand total of $6 at a store I frequent with rummage bins that include foods around best by date. These are favorites and will get used and enjoyed.
2) I won the most wonderful nostalgia gift in my Buy Nothing Project group. Someone offered 3 old radios. The one I requested looks just like my mom’s radio from her college days, which my sister and I shared in our childhood. I turned it on and was transported back in time by the faint hum of the vacuum tubes (old radio technology), exactly like Mom’s. I’ve been missing my mom so much.
Ooo, #3. I finally realized why one of my 2 favorite ukuleles wasn’t sounding so good: worn out strings that needed to be replaced (“dead” strings if they’re really really worn out almost make a thunk noise when played, these weren’t quite to that point). My local music store as of the last time I asked charges $25 labor to replace strings over the cost of the strings themselves, but I’ve learned how to do it myself and did.
I am super excited to watch the transformation progress of that bedside table! It is just looking extremely rough right now. Know you’ll get it turned around though! It was a cool find, for sure.