No Shame in Being The Cheapest Lady on The Internet
I like to mull over the difference between “frugal” and “cheap” and firmly believe that many people hide their true financial situation for fear of appearing “cheap.” Even here on the blog, readers balk at the word.
“I’m frugal, but I’m not cheap!”
Why?
My husband and I have some financial wiggle room at this point in our lives, but we barely scraped by when the kids were little. We ate inexpensive meals at home, rarely vacationed, (apart from a grubby $65/night beach cabin) and sourced their toys and clothing from thrift stores or hand me downs — I still remember that our youngest called them “handy downs.”
One of the best moments from their childhood was from a casual chat with a work friend, who had triplets a couple years older than my daughter. I mentioned hand me downs in passing and she immediately asked if I’d accept some. Umm . . . yes!
That friend gave us two garbage bags of gently used kid clothing, which got us through the next couple of years! Many people would be too embarrassed to admit they could use this kind of help. Most of the nurses I worked with were big spenders, so I stood out like a sore thumb. My willingness to be open about our financial situation was an advantage.
No shame in my cheap game. It kept us afloat and out of debt.
Cheapness was a financial necessity at the time. My husband and I are no longer in the same situation, but that doesn’t meal that the skills we honed during those years are in the rear view mirror.
I’m still scream-it-from-the-mountaintops cheap, but choose to view it through a creative lens. Whether it’s foraging plums from the Trader Joe’s parking lot:
Or sourcing household supplies from free boxes. Yes, that powdered detergent was solidified towards the bottom of the box, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed with a few thwacks from a hammer!
I really do love free boxes!
These Cookie Monster Bombas socks are on high rotation.
This reusable insulated water bottle came to me from under the bleachers at my kid’s soccer game. I believe I was under there to grab a 10¢ refundable can. It keeps water colder than any of my other bottles.
I even garbage picked a toilet seat at one point in my life! Frugal, but no arguing that this isn’t full-on cheap!
Part of why I’m still so cheap is because I’m always scanning the world for new hacks to share on the blog. Just the other day I wrote about this viral hack to lower your cell phone bill:
It didn’t work for me, but I read that other people found success lowering their cell phone bills.
These examples all fall under the umbrella of both frugal and cheap. Used socks, abandoned dishwasher detergent, urban foraging and garbage picking are the unsanitized content that’ll never make the standard “Make coffee at home” frugality advice. However, it will help people who are currently struggling know that it’s perfectly acceptable to be cheap. Nothing to be ashamed of!
Consumer prices are rising at an exponential rate, so if there needs to be someone to volunteer as the cheapest lady on the internet, I’m happy to raise my hand.
I’m here, I’m cheap, get over it!
Katy Wolk-Stanley
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”
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Katy, I love that you own your cheapness! I enjoy free piles and curb picks from my neighborhood. I’ve made $80 from free items set out for trash the past few years, and that’s not really even trying. In my mind, it saves reusable items from the landfill. Cheap? Ok then!
We too struggled when our two boys were young. If they wanted something when they were younger they would ask if I had a coupon or if it was on sale -and they were maybe 4 and 5 years old!!! They are 44 and 45 now and still very frugal. Neither óne has ever owned a brand new car.
I always think of being g cheap is frugal/ thrifty is the impact on others. Saving money at the expense of others or questionable ethics is cheap. Your actions are frugal/thrifty, maybe to the far side of possible. But never have I read a savings on something that negatively impacted someone ( “forgetting” your wallet intentionally, taking condiments that you had no intent to use on purchased food from deli counters, etc.), even if I personally might not have been so frugal in an action. No one should judge what someone else does ethically and without harm, to make their budgets work or dreams achieved.
Cheap is fine and dandy. What we’re trying to avoid is “mean”. Before the 19th century that word was used to say “shabby” or “stingy”. No one here is stingy (mean).
This has been a nonconsumer public service announcement.
Yes, I’d like to think that I don’t cross the line from “cheap” to “mean!”
I’m cheap, too. I don’t see any shame in using what others throw away unthinkingly. Or in working hard to live on less. But people are quick to jump on someone they think is cheap. I don’t know, is it a way to feel superior?
I’m feeling anything but cheap right now. My refrigerator has stopped cooling, and I have to replace it. It’s not worth repairing, since repairs have not worked and they have cost almost as much as I paid for the fridge in the first place. Unfortunately, I have to buy another cheap model, because in my galley kitchen, only the apartment-size refrigerators fit. I just hope I will be luckier this time. I have picked a different maker, and there are positive reviews.
The fridge will be delivered on Sunday. I am somewhat lucky in that the freezer is still working, so I can freeze things like butter, creamer, etc. I will probably have to toss some condiments and dressings, and I already threw out the milk, which was smelling off. The only meat I have is already in the freezer.
I have asked a neighbor if she can house some eggs, but she hasn’t answered yet.
I have two days to make do. I have pantry food, but can’t deal with leftovers — the freezer is packed. I will keep checking the state of the ice cream. If it starts to melt I will know the freezer is going, too.
I too have a galley kitchen where only an apartment sized fridge will fit. I’d love to know what you bought as a replacement.
It’s a brand called Insignia and I ordered it from Best Buy.
We have an apartment-sized Frigidaire (7.5 cubic feet) that we love. While not a galley kitchen, our kitchen is 9.5 x 9.5′ feet, so a smaller fridge fits best and is plenty for two people.
Standing ovation for your heralded cheapness!
I drove a 1966 VW bug for 10 years that my parents had driven for 18 years before that. I paid them $500. It was always garaged and waxed. I sold it to a collector for $5k. Used that as a down payment on my first house, rode a bike until I found a used truck for $700. All my friends had parents who paid their rent, gave them cars, tuition, credit cards.
I remember when my hubby asked if I would be willing to rent out our home, live in our 1962 camper and buy our first farm. It was a farm we were leasing and our first two years we lived in the camper before we could build our home. Our daughter loved camping next to our barn.
I have always lived within a strict budget, outsiders would call me cheap, but I like to have social money. Hosting the community dinners, anonymous giving, helping the foster kids.
As my foster kids matriculate out of our help up foundation (housing and scholarships), we are so thankful that we were able to help our kids. The monthly .monies they received for their care went into 2 accounts. one was used for fees, clothes, allowances and the other half was used for starting their Roth IRA accts. With new aging out foster kids, we are finding that we have to spend real time in personal finance training. Their rent is based on a matrix of earned income, hours of education or training/apprenticeship, volunteering and follow through.
Being cleverly frugal is what keeps bringing me back to your blog. I love hacks and up selling or flipping for profit. How many years did I buy at the bins to consign or sell at my garage sale? Plus it is fun!
BGF,
That VW bug experience you had is amazing! And I bet it was lots of fun camping out by the barn. You are a saint in my book for taking in foster kids and helping them launch themselves out into the world. Bravo!
Five cheers!
My SIL has always implied that my husband and I are “cheap”, but I’ve recently realized that she’s probably resentful that we rejected the rat race that cost her so much money (status clothing, jewelry, neighborhood, social club, and car), yet we are happy and thriving. So, if someone calls you cheap, take it with a grain of salt!
I had some lean years in the past, and now that I’m financially comfortable and not struggling, I still live frugally, because I’m an anti-consumer at heart. BUT I’m also mindful about not taking it too far, because there can be a fine line between “frugal” and “cheap”. For example, if there’s a limited resource to scrounge (redeemable cans, cultural passes, free pile stuff), there might be people who are truly struggling who can benefit from those things, so maybe I shouldn’t be super aggressive about scrounging them.
Li, I must respectfully differ re: your last point (“a limited resource to scrounge”). As I see it, those resources are out there for the taking, regardless of our relative degrees of deprivation. I’ve seen the same reasoning applied to not shopping at thrift stores, which I certainly don’t intend to stop doing. And FWIW, there are some folks in real need who *won’t* scrounge, because they feel it makes them “look poor.”
I live in a neighborhood where everything that can get scrounged will get scrounged. If a redeemable can finds itself on the verge, it will get snapped up within the hour. Free piles get lots of attention. I’m not saying that I never partake. My rule for free piles is that, if it’s something I can envision going into immediate use in my household, then I take it. If it’s something that I “might” use one day, then I leave it. I’ve spent so long being frugal that I think I’m in some danger of becoming a hoarder, so I try to be selective, and it helps me to think that I should gives others a chance.
Agreed. I’ll never stop clipping coupons, thrifting, or, yes, scrounging. And I am not a hoarder.
I’ve always positioned myself as frugal, not cheap. Frugality effects me, cheapness effects others. Even at my most frugal, I am carefully to make sure my decisions don’t put others out.
Now that we are beyond the need to track every penny, it thrills me to be able to help others. I run a community-wide food drive, and seed the cash portion of the drive with $1k to kick things off.
I believe I did a FFT recently on a fancy Gala that DH and I attended, he in his thrifted tuxedo and me in a rented designer dress. We were able to donate $2k to bring grade school children to their first live theater production. This was done for me as a child and I loved it. I’m happy to be able to do things like this, but don’t call me cheap, lol!
Proud to be cheap. I have dumpster dived(mostly colleges or stores/offices closing). I have garbage picked. Hand me overs are always welcome. I take leftover food happily. I take recently expired canned/boxed food. Always amazed at how many people toss a can right after it’s best buy date. I pick up dirty items on walks and toss them in my washing machine. My 2nd home is my library for books, magazines, CD’s, classes, free passes, concerts, lectures, seed library, library of things and so much more. I love my local buy nothing group. Hubby’s work has a great free shelf that we add to and take from regularly. I am always up to a free meal whether its a mystery shop, a lecture, a work event, a church event or a community event. I love to thrift shop and garden. I cook most meals from scratch. I love to barter when I have an excess of garden fruits and veggies. I know how to shop sales. I love looking through clearance items. I know where all the managers specials are in all of my stores. I use paper and digital coupons. I do Fetch, Ibotta and Receipt Hog. I am not brand loyal. I do not follow the manufactures recommend amounts.
I met up with 2 friends at Panera for dinner tonight. I got the gift card from Fetch. I got a bowl of soup and a cup of water. My friend brought me a huge bag of vitamins from her mom’s house that she is cleaning out. I will take what I want/use and pass the rest on. I brought magazines to the lady I help take care of house today. Her daughter got us a quiche for lunch. The heat is set to 62. I’m wearing jeans that my sister gave me as hand me overs and my shirt is from a free yard sale that I went to 2+ years ago. My sneakers were on clearance. My car is from 2013. My house is from 1957. Both are paid off. I’m typing this in my office where every piece of furniture is used. I’m proud to be cheap. Thank you for having a space where people like me can be praised instead of judged.
I see my frugal self as someone who is resourceful, hates waste, and is able to be generous because of her frugality.
Yes, money saved by frugality allows us to give actual money to charities which need cold hard cash. And buy a homesick grandson a ticket home. I don’t know,who was more relieved, the grandson or his mother. Cheaper than meds or therapy!
The older I get (I’m 73) the more frugal I’m becoming. Not because we are struggling seniors I just can’t stand to waste $$. It’s a habit I’ve fine tuned over 52 years of marriage which had many lean years
I see you (Katy) as a good steward of your resources rather than a “cheap” person. You leave a good tip when you dine out or get a haircut. You reciprocate when someone provides a meal or a service. You pay your way rather than taking advantage of another person. IMHO “cheap” people do not do these things. You donate things to Buy Nothing & take laundered items to the library to donate. Cheap people are usually stingy & do not do for others. The American public throws away so many things that could have a 2nd life w/ a new owner.
I don’t count dining out *only* when a restaurant has a specific special as frugal nor a good steward of resources. This post will likely not pass “approval”. I have no use for cheap and I don’t care how much one tips or justifies. None of us should be cheap – it means you a) are taking advantage of others or b) can’t afford said purchase/service if the vendor has to lower his/her cost.
Love the phrase “Good steward of resources” I will be using it!
I am sitting at an airport and just read about equating frugality with being a good steward of resources. I unzipped my very full backpack, took out my notebook and wrote it down.
AMEN.
I love the term “handy downs”. It’s genius! Kudos to your clever kid!
I got a letter in the mail today from a company that had checked my credit. They said Trans Union rated my credit score at 999. That’s supposed to be excellent. Didn’t know credit scores went that high, but I’ll take it. Guess that’s a side benefit of being frugal and cheap.
My house, car, new flooring and new roof are now all paid off, so no more monthly payments except for things like utilities and health insurance (taken out of my SS check, with other insurance paid by the year or six-months so I can get the discount.) Of course, I still have to buy gas and groceries and pay my tithe. Lately, I have been donating to Democrat political campaigns, which might not be too frugal, but I’m doing it in an effort to save the country from Trump! I don’t need any more new clothes or shoes so $ has been accumulating in my bank accounts quite a bit. I’m not used to seeing large sums on my credit union statements — in the plus column! — but sure am glad for it.
All the appliances and most of the clothing and furniture in my house is secondhand. Much of the furniture is now considered antique/vintage/collectible/valuable. It was what my mother called “early matrimony,” but she kept and used it for most of her 55-year marriage and I inherited it all. Unlike stuff manufactured today, it’s solid wood and sturdy and has lasted almost 80 years now.
One of my coworker/friends has turned in her two-week notice so she can leave on a year-long mission trip and today I was able to donate 20 dollars to her cause. I am glad to do that because she has helped me a lot at work. Being able to spontaneously do things like that is a side benefit of being well enough off due to being thrifty. Life is good!
Congratulations on being cheap, Katy! I have learned so much from you, and are grateful for a place where cheapness is celebrated. (And I agree with the commenter who said cheap is not the same as stingy.)
I am sitting here in my darned pyjamas and hand-me-down dressing gown, drinking from my hand-me-down mug, with bed socks on so I’m not tempted to turn on the heating (the room is a perfectly fine temperature, it’s just not toasty). Going to eat my cheap staple, porridge, for breakfast, then leftover chilli and homemade sweet potato fries for lunch (someone gave us the sweet potatoes for free!), with a leftover tub of barbecue sauce my partner didn’t use on a McDonalds trip. Dinner is going to be homemade pizza with the last bit of cheese from the fridge, foraged mushrooms plus dried thyme and nasturtiums from the garden (nasturtiums in place of rocket).
I am in month two of my no-spend kick (we’re moving house soon so things are especially tight) and blogs like this make me feel more normal and balance out the moments when I have to explain to my wealthier colleagues that no, I’m not watching Celebrity Traitors at the moment, as we don’t have a TV licence! (Readers in the UK will get this reference, haha.)
Katy, I’ve met folks with plenty who have stingy hearts. I’ve met folks with little who live/love big. It’s never about the money it’s about the attitude. I read because I like the community and the positive, thoughtful attitude and intentionality that you approach money and its deployment.
We are sandwich generation, aging parents and growing son…. we try to help out at church and tithe when I sell cattle. The household gives as it can. Farming is resource management. I’m always trying to protect the land and bring forth a crop without crossing the line into extraction. I look at our home budget much the same way. We are trying to live a full life without depleting our resource base of time, money, personal chi, and material goods.
I love the land and that extrapolates to include the Earth that was given to us to steward. Buying used, repurposing, being a non consumer, and not wasting inputs allows me to choose my career and build a life here for my family.
I’m getting ready to buy a truck, cash. Gloria (Steinham) will be a big, red, bad azz bitxh of a truck. But, it’s not about ego, it’s about need and safety. My current ride is becoming unsafe after 26 years and 300,000 miles. Gloria will be at least 10 years old but she will have better brakes and suspension, which is what I’m after. The red is neat, but I’d take any color, honestly. I hope she goes for 300,000 miles as well.
Our farm is 2/3 paid for (in 4 years!). I’m very proud of that. I’m also looking forward to the day when it is paid off. We continue to pay down the note and make improvements. We live in our simple home and live modestly. It’s furnished with antique furniture, second hand fines, and garage sale goodies. One cabinet sat in my folks’ kitchen when I was a kid. It’s like an old friend from my childhood. It just happens to be incredibly sturdy and the perfect size for the space, yippee!
We like to spend time together as a family and donate time and money to our church. This Christmas I’ll buy gloves and granola bars. Ds and I will make little goodie bundles for the homeless. Dh will hand them out at stop lights on his commute. We’re not about showing off, we’re about showing up and doing our best to be kind.
Laura, love this!
Interesting to see all the different takes on the term “cheap.” As a retired professional wordsmith, I’m alert to connotations, and my take on “cheap” in US English is that it’s part way between “frugal/thrifty” (which are seen as admirable attributes) and “stingy/mean” (which are definitely not). However, if anyone can move “cheap” further toward the admirable end of things, it’s our Katy!
My personal interpretation is cheap implies stinginess, and frugality implies cautious spending aligned with someone’s values.
Agreed. Maybe it’s a regional or societal use of the word in the US? I grew up poor; wore hand me downs, dinner was a pot of beans at least once a week, mom sewed and made our new clothes, walked to school because there was one car and dad drove it to work, etc. But “cheap” was a derogatory term used for those who were stingy and selfish, like always taking (showing up “accidentally” at dinnertime, “forgetting” one’s wallet repeatedly) and never reciprocating.
We were taught to be generous and share gracefully, whatever one had, which might not be much.
I don’t post much but I read Katy’s blog daily, and what I get from her and the other posters here is a spirit of generosity! Volunteering, donating, and frugality in ones personal life in order to have more to share with others, is the vibe!
When I was working during my hospital career, I donated 5 percent of every paycheck (via the CFC) to various causes. Now that I have more time than money, I volunteer more instead.
I consider myself frugal, as in a good steward of resources, as others have already said. I don’t take offense at being called “cheap” either but the word does have a different connotation to different people.
Frugality and caring about our Earth go hand in hand for me. Buying secondhand items, using things we already own, keeping the heat down, hanging laundry to dry, cooking at home, trying not to use the car but batching errands and keeping speed down when we do, budgeting…I could go on but most of us are doing all or some of this anyway I believe. All frugal and all ecologically friendly IMHO. Plus the bills get paid, at least in our house, by being frugal. This way of living is ingrained in me by my upbringing.