The Non-Consumer Advocate

As a parent to teenage boys, I feel like I’m full of amazing, affirming and wonderful advice. “Be mindful in the world you live in, be aware of your screen time and deal with stuff in a timely manner.” (Of course, only a small percentage of it sinks in at any time, but that’s just the nature of the beast.)

Today I heard myself telling my 16-year-old son that “you need to deal with this _____ now, even if it seems awful to think about. Burying your head in the sand just makes things worse.”

And then I realized what I a hypocrite I was being. I have soooo many things on my to-do list that I spend a lot of time and energy avoiding. Not daily stuff like cooking, dishes, laundry tidying up, but big picture stuff like the horror that is my basement and some embarrassingly cringe worthy stuff that sits in my e-mail inbox.

Remember when I ran the giveaway for Ashley English’s Handmade Gatherings book? You know, in October?! I notified the winners and then never sent their contact information to the publisher! Why? Because I was having awful e-mail issues at the time, and I somehow e-mailed them through my iCloud account, which I didn’t even realize was set up. Every now and then I would pore through my Comcast inbox desperately trying to find their information, but I would always give up and slink off to bury my head in the sand. I finally got an e-mail from one of the winners before Christmas gently letting me know that she’d never received her book, which is when I realized the whole iCloud mixup. I’ve spent the last few weeks meaning to go through that e-mail account to find the other winner, but was frankly too mortified to face it.

Hearing myself pontificate on the pitfalls of procrastination this morning shook me from my stupor. I sat down and located the name and contact information for both winners, sent an e-mail to Ashley English to get the contact information for her publisher, and now have a fully written apologetic e-mail sitting as a draft ready to go. And if the publisher says “tough luck, kiddo!” I am fully willing to pay the stupid tax and pay for these damned books myself.

And now I’m spending my day dealing with the other horrid stuff that’s been sitting ignored and off to the side.

The important lesson here is that even though I screwed up, I’m willing to admit my mistake, do my best to make it right and move forward. Hmm . . . maybe I am full of amazing and wonderful advice.

Now, how do I get this through to my teenagers?

Katy Wolk-Stanley

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There’s a lot on the internet that makes it appear as if people are living perfect lives. Whether it’s happy families on Facebook, perfect mommies on Pinterest or spotless homes on blogs.

It makes it seem as though other people have somehow figured out how to create these effortless existences that elude the rest of us. You know, those of us whose laundry piles up, have kids that bicker and refuse to stand next to each other in photographs and have never served a meal that inspired an Instagram post.

I am not one of those other people.

And guess why. Because those other people do not actually exist!

There’s always a wizard behind the curtain. A reality outside of the picture frame, where the messy stuff is pushed off to the side so that the Pinterest-worthy photographs can be carefully crafted.

My mother likes to say that “we compare our insides to other people’s outsides,” which I think holds real truth. How many times have you felt inadequate next to someone who seemed to be super put together, only to find out later that they had serious issues going on in their lives?

No one is perfect, everyone is flawed.

Just the other day I put together a huge crockpot of mixed bean and ham soup. I even wrote about it on The Non-Consumer Advocate Facebook group to share about my wonderfully frugal meal plan. And then guess what I did? That’s right folks, I turned it off and then left it out all night at room temperature. (You know room temperature, the ideal temperature for bacterial growth!) And in case you think this is some kind of isolated incident away from my otherwise perfect life, let me correct you. I have multiple messy pockets in my house, I mess up with my frugality and my life is far from perfect.

So as you’re choosing your new year’s resolutions for 2015, please remember that you may not have achieved perfection but that’s okay because no one else has. Ever.

And you might actually already be good enough the way you are.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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Today I am . . .

• Drinking a cup of Red Rose tea, and happy that my father let me scavenge a handful of teabags yesterday since I ran out on a day when the stores were closed!
• Very pleased with the one gift I received yesterday, which is a pair of Ugg boots. They’re my birthday/Christmas present from my mother. (My birthday is next week.)
• Pleased that the gift bags which we used for all of our gifts yesterday are already folded and back in their bin.
• Extremely happy that I remembered to make reservations for our Chinese restaurant dinner last night. I got P.T.S.D. when I walked though the crowded lobby and remember how we waited at least two hours for a table last year. We were immediately seated after arrival.
• Content to stay home the day on December 26th without the compulsion to take advantage of after-Christmas sales. I used to love to go shopping to scoop up bargains after Christmas, that attraction is long gone.
• Annoyed with the stick-on bows that came with some gifts my kids received. They are straight-up garbage. I know they can be reused, but I’m simply not going to hold onto them out of garbage-guilt.
• Going to the grocery store, but only after my husband gets back from Costco. This one car thing sure takes planning.
• Still ruminating on the Roz Chast memoir Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? about caring for her aging parents. I highly recommend this wonderful and honest book.
• Deciding that in 2015 I will be more deliberate about where I spend my dollars. I already avoid Wal Mart, box box stores and the mall, but am adding the thrift shops for Deseret Industries (Mormons) and Salvation Army to my list. Gay rights are extremely important to me, and I refuse to give my money to organizations that have active policies against LGBT people. (Even though their thrift stores are cheaper and less picked through than Goodwill.)
• Realizing that the mend job I did on the spare bedroom blanket has torn clear through. I could mend it again, but essentially it needs to be replaced. I’ll start keeping an eye out for a replacement when I thrift, and will try to keep it under $5.

Now your turn. What are you doing today?

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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