It’s time again for Five Things That Make Me Happy And One Thing That’s Pissing Me Off. Why add the “One Thing That’s Pissing Me Off?” Because I’m a realist, that’s why.
Four things that make me happy:
- My father recently returned from a trip to Pittsburgh, and came home with an envelope full of wonderful old family photos. This included an iconic photo of my grandfather selling a fur coat to a very young (and very excited) Judy Garland. My grandfather sadly died when I was eleven years old, but I have so many fond memories of visiting his fur store and cozying up with the merchandise. Yes, it’s not exactly the most politically correct business in this day and age, but that has zero effect on my memories. Especially since my grandfather used to let me try on coats and then pretend to be a mannequin in the store window. As a complete aside, who here would not buy Judy’s shoes? I know I would.
- I love that there’s a household consignment shop a few short blocks from my house. I was able to throw a few things in a grocery bag yesterday and walk home with $3.30 in my wallet. True, this is hardly a brag-worthy amount of money, but I was walking over either way to grab a Mexican food cart burrito for dinner. Because my consignment shop has an drool-worthy food cart in the parking lot! I grumble in my head about the precious annoyingness of Portland hipsterdom, but sometimes it’s like heaven has shined down upon my neighborhood.
- I had a court date on Friday related to a ticket I got back in May for driving with expired plates. The ticketing officer told me that he’d reverse the $110 fee if I took care of it within thirty days. I did take of it immediately, but for various reasons the issue stretched out for more than four months. This stupid ticket has been making me extremely anxious, and I’m happy to finally put the issue behind me. (Just writing about it activated being able to count my pulse rate from the pounding in my ears.)
- I’m really looking forward to my trip to New York City in early December. I truly believe that having something to look forward to is a huge component to a happy life, and my upcoming week to NYC fits well within that category. My sister and I are already planning out how to get the most from our days, and I’m contacting friends to make sure we’ll be able to arrange get togethers.
One thing that’s pissing me off:
- I’ve been struggling with mortifying writer’s block that’s like a physical weight over my entire being. Not just because of internal pressure, but also because I know that it makes me look like a flake to those who are expecting me to write. I know what I need to do, but somehow my normal tricks aren’t working. (Change the physical location where I’m writing, turn off the internet, write out concrete goals, etc.) Maybe confessing to my writer’s block on this public forum will help, but until that works I’ve written out the Anne Lamott quote of “shitty first draft” and taped it over the TV screen. Netflix, be gone!
Edit: I completed one of the articles that’s been weighing me down. I’ve got one to go and then a big picture project that’s top secret!
Now your turn. What’s making you happy, and conversely, what’s pissing you off?
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
It may sound trite (I’m falling fast into a burrito coma) but my family is making me happy right now, even as I watch the kiddo on the baby monitor trying to learn how to put zir shirt back on instead of napping like a sane child. It looks like ze is about 1/3 of the way there.
I’m happy for cheap and delicious burritos for lunch. I’m happy for PiC who PRed again in his race today, unexpectedly, in spite of or because of his odd approach to pre-race training. I’m happy that we all went to FinCon this year and I met so many amazing blogger friends. Also I’m happy that we are almost done with our estate planning. We need to get our assets transferred over, and we’ll have completed a Very Important Thing.
I’m not happy that we have several very large bills coming to roost at the end of the year. I was counting on being able to renegotiate the rate on one of them (life insurance) but the company I was going to use doesn’t serve California. Drat.
Four things that make me happy:
1. That my 87 year old mother is in good enough health to be starting yoga next week.
2. This blog, because Katy and her readers/commenters are like no other group that I know. You educate and fuel me.
3. That after 4-1/2 days of continuous rain/drizzle the sun came out this afternoon. It is glorious.
4. I dodged a food waste bullet by spending much of the afternoon in the kitchen. I made and froze sandwiches for brown bag lunches to use deli meat that needed using, I used the last of a half-bushel of apples I bought in July and some cheapo Aldi apples to make applesauce. I used excess eggs with milk and homemade French bread to make oven baked French Toast, and I chopped 5 huge red peppers and froze them.
One thing that’s pissing me off:
1. So many of my friends are in crisis, dealing with health problems, deaths in the family, money woes, and legal issues. I support them as best I can but it often seems like whatever I can offer is inadequate.
Thank you for your #2! 😉
#1 – So happy for you and your mom and her health! These are the days for you to savor!
I know from experience that creative blocks are frustrating. Unfortunately, the more you worry, the worse it becomes. Believe and know the words will come soon. Meanwhile, do something else, preferably boring and monotonous. Allow your subconscious to work it out.
The 4 thing making smile:
1) The house my son is renovating is nearing completion. Family and friends have worked hard. It looks awesome!
2) The horrible heat of a southern summer is slowly giving way to fall.
3) We had a lovely dinner last night with my SIL, nephew, his wife, and 1-year old twins. They are among our favorite people.
4) I had time to spend an afternoon at the beach reading, walking and looking for shark’s teeth.
The thing that is making unhappy:
POLITICS
I’m a professional business writer. I find that setting up all the basics of the document (headers, footers, etc) and then starting on the absolute basic text elements helps: titles, paragraph titles, etc. By the time I’ve done that, and made four cups of coffee I can usually see where to start.
Things making me happy:
1. We went to a curry potluck at my sister’s yesterday. In addition to the great company and food and playing with my niece and nephew, she helped me sew my kitchen curtains. I bought fabric from Spoonflower that is the same as the Simpsons kitchen curtains.
2. I went to a big sale and got all our paint and paint tools for 25% off.
3. We are on leave for a week.
4. My husband makes me an espresso every morning.
PMO:
Sorry to comment on US politics from the outside when ours are by no means perfect either, but the fact that any woman can vote for Trump is seriously grating my cheese.
I’m an “outsider ” too and Trump is really something, it’s almost like watching a soap opera!
I am here in the US, and appreciate hearing how others are viewing this. So far it seems that everyone is laughing.
We are not laughing in Australia! There have been newspaper articles here about shifting retirement savings to cash options in case a Trump win sends the world economy into a downward spin again…
I wouldn’t say we are laughing. My kids are actually asking me questions about it, quite concerned. What happens in the US affects all of us.
Has your neighbors (Canadian) we are not finding it funny eighter, because we are so close that anything happening to you guys will directly affect us too in a way or another….
Writing block: You’re in a time of transition! Your two boys are off to college.. your whole life-scene has changed! Maybe you need a bit of off-time to relax, regenerate and think about what YOU want to do next!!?? A life transition time!!!!
I agree
Katy I was just coming to post the same comment….give yourself a break!!
Life changes…even the good ones can be very dispupting
I prescribe some rest and rexalation.
Things making me happy today:
1) My son (who is in Germany) called me today via FaceTime. I am amazed that with today’s technology I hardly feel like he is gone as he sends me texts, emails, does Facebook and Instagram and now this. Wow!!
2) We are having a glorious fall day which is such a relief after a heatstroke of a summer.
3)I went to an estate sale today and walked away with nothing except relief ~ both because nothing there appealed to me and because it made me renew my vow to get rid of all but the things that bring me true joy.
4) I am happy to be celebrating my birthday tomorrow and started this weekend with doing fun “me” things – visiting the library, sewing, knitting, etc.
The thing that is pissing me off:
Friends who are very vocal about their narrow minded views ~ be it politics, racism, ball teams or other current topics ~ and make our lives miserable on Social Media!!!
I love #3. That’s our focus right now also.
Things that make me happy:
1. I need a wee bit of wallpaper removal DIF spray – asked on my neighborhood list serv and just picked up a partial bottle.
2. Using it to remove wallpaper from a child’s cabinet that I got for free from same list serv that I am going to re-do either for use here or re-sale.
3. My husband came home from the final day of the Ryder Cup with 4 bottles of water that were free to volunteers – they were given 8 coupons for water and he had only used 4 before today so he made sure to get all of them. He also ate lunch each day there with volunteer lunch coupons, checked in at the volunteer tent for coffee, bags of chips and was buying a few souvenirs for friends who will reimburse him and realized he had a save $25 off a $75 purchase so re-thought the purchases to maximize the coupon.
4. I spent the 4 days he was gone without a car and did things like cleaned mini-blinds (hate it!), watching Project Runway on Hulu, cleaning out the freezer to make sure we aren’t overbuying or wasting food. I did walk to my favorite garage sale of the year on Saturday and thought about going for 1/2 day today but decided if I didn’t want it bad enough yesterday, I did not need it today.
5. Purchased tickets to DC to see the grandbaby we are currently calling LLCool O – because he is so awesome!!
Not Happy: Have to wait til November to see said grandchild!!
Not happy –
Okay, two things:
1.) I would never suspect you of ever having writer’s block. Your posts are so consistent and fluid. It seems like writing is second nature to you.
2.) Let me get this straight…you can walk to Fred Meyers, the consignment store and a fabulous Mexican food cart??? That’s it. I’m leaving Georgia and headed to Portland. 🙂
1) I got to go to Taos, NM. A dream! Hiking, sun, a visit to the Pueblo, plus shopping in the local used bookstore and food co-op.
2) Homemade, fresh dinner on the stove.
3) Looks like with careful budgeting we may sabe some $$ this month.
4) Hiked today with my family.
Pmo- drama
Four things making me happy…
1. My adult daughter and I share a condo and are the absolute BEST room mates. Yesterday I found a large 5 drawer Sterlite stacking unit for $12 at the local Salvation Army. Washed it up last night, and today we assembled, set up in her room and filled it with her yarn stock. She taught herself to crochet on YouTube, and is amazing with a crochet hook!
2. I was off this weekend, and had a marvelous time on Saturday at 3 different thrift shops. I was out to return a pair of orthopedic shoes, pick up my contacts, and drop off a car full of donations to my local Humane Society Thrift Shop. After the donations, I of course went inside for a look. Found a rubber rug for under my sewing table (no more escaping foot pedal), a teacher’s mug still in the box for my sister, 2 racks for expanding cabinet space, and a piece of thick foam for chair cushions I am making (for my dumpster rescued chairs). It was 1/2 price Saturday on all household goods, so I did well. Then I went next door to the Salvation Army for my drawer find. We had wanted one for a while, but patience paid off. Last stop after the shoe refund was the Hospice Thrift shop next to the shoe store, and I found an Air Force shirt for my daughter, who loves this style shirt, as she is the child of 2 veterans. For myself, a lovely “new” dress.
3. Today I tidied my sewing room, ironed my work clothes (I wear a lot of linen and cotton shirts as I walk to work in the Mid-Florida heat), got my E-Bay stuff organized to list, and READ THIS BLOG, which is the only one I look at now. Love your posts Katy, and I miss you when you are not writing, but it is not the end of my world if you don’t. I just keep coming back.
4. We had leftover chicken that I reheated in the toaster oven along with some marked down Texas garlic toast and salads.
PMO: Not a thing! I don’t pay attention to any remarks about the political world, as it has gone to He… in a handbasket, and I have faith in my God to guide me, no matter what happens.
My son volunteered for one of the PGA tournaments that was held at Trump’s golf course in Jersey City. I made sure he got all the free swag he was entitled to!
1. Didn’t get take out for supper as dh did grocery shopping and there was fresh ground beef in the fridge. Cheeseburgers for all.
2. Made a memory with daughter, age 22, who will be leaving the nest soon. Went to the Cider Mill and got cider, cider donuts and had cider hot dogs. Bit pricey but as she has never been it was fine.
3. Made sure all the lights are off when no one is in that room. Hard when hubby’s home on the weekends. He tends to leave the kitchen lights on.
4. Stayed home for the last couple of days so no gas spent. NJ will get a 24 cent? gas tax soon. Our gas prices are pretty low but still boo, hiss.
5. Reading my library book. Ordered the Bruce Springsteen autobiography Born to Run with my daughter’s Amazon order – free shipping. Can’t be a Jersey Girl with out The Boss’s autobiography.
What a cool photo! I love the memories of my childhood with my grandparents. A pic with Judy Garland is definitely an awesome treasure.
1) Hubby was in the hospital for 4 days this past week. I managed to eat breakfast and dinner at home each day and I packed snacks and filled my water bottle to eat while I was at the hospital. Although the his stay won’t be cheap, I do have enough money in my HCF account for the deductible.
2) The ear piece fell off my new glasses, but I think they are still under warranty. I managed to find my old pair so I’m dealing with it until I can get back to the optical shop this week.
3) My entertainment this week was reading, watching my granddaughter play soccer, listening to audiobooks during my drive time and watching football. All free!
4) I was able to fill up the car twice for $2.09 a gallon. I try to keep track of stations with the cheapest gas on roads I travel often.
5) I didn’t buy a leer jet or yacht.
One thing that’s pissing me off:
The appointment for my washer repair is October 11th – pretty ridiculous that I have to wait two weeks and that was after checking with 3 different repairmen. I tried to fix it myself, but it didn’t work, however I did discover that it works okay with small loads I just have to manually reset it to drain and spin. I love my HE washer, but computerized appliances have their own challenges.
Pardon me while I try to find my rose colored glasses. I need them desperately after the week I’ve had.
Happy that:
1. My husband doesn’t mind going to see chick-flicks with me. We recently went to see “BridgetJones Baby” and we both enjoyed it.
2. A nice friend is helping me shop for a car to replace my 15-year-old clunker. Car shopping is overwhelming to me but my friend has been very helpful and we even had fun doing some test drives last week.
3. My grown- up children now have both found jobs they like and are able to support themselves. Both my son and daughter struggled to find a decent job after finishing college, so it’s a relief that they are now thriving.
4. My best friend from high school will be visiting later this month. She lives on the East Coast and I live on the West Coast, so we do not get together often enough.
What has been bugging me lately? A mole seems to have taken over our front lawn and every day brings a new mole hill. Not a pretty thing..
Happy that:
1. Only buying grocery wise what we will use in 7-10 days.
2. Preventive vet visits have kept our pets healthy, even our 14 year old blonde lab/shepherd mix, Charlie.
3. That we are settling into a new normal after losing our daughter in 3/15, and her children whom now live with us are much more settled.
4. I really enjoy Katy’s posts and they were a kind of lifeline to me when my life was ever so not normal any more. Some days they were the only thing that kept me going!
PMO:
1. Peoples inability to realize that we have already raised 3 children and that talking to us about “what to do” with our grand children is the same as being condescending!
I’ve spent 15 min trying to think of what to say to your #3. I’ve also lost my daughter but still can’t find words. All the prayers and loving thoughts to you and your family for comfort and continued healing.
My heart is full from your words. Thank you so much for sharing.
Alison R: Good thoughts and digital hugs to you in your “new normal.” I can’t even imagine.
And Katy: The Judy Garland photo is **amazing.** So good to see a photo of her having a “normal” teenage reaction, obviously before Hollywood and drugs got in on the ground floor.
Organizing and decluttering makes me happy. It pisses me off when my family won’t try to keep things nice like I do.
Katy,I agree with Patti – you’re in a transitional time in your life. Part of your identity is being a mom to two precious sons, and they’re both branching out to get their educations, just as their parents raised them to do. You are still needed, even though you’ll no longer know exactly what they’re up to every day.
It might help to think about who you are apart from being a daughter, sister, wife, and mom.
Thank you for writing – I’ve been a “fan” for years. . You make me happy just reading about how you spend your days. Sometime when I’m in Portland to visit my son and DIL, I would hope you’d consent to sharing a cup coffee/tea with me (my treat). In fact, when they told me they were moving to PDX, I said “That’s where my favorite blogger lives!”
Loved reading this post.. here are mine:
1. My son is coming home for Thanksgiving weekend! Yay! He moved out early September and I miss him something fierce!
2. I’m *almost* caught up with my laundry.
3. My bff has a discount for the Columbia shop so i’m getting a new hat & scarf for myself and a hat for my daughter at 50% off.
4. Bills are paid, roof over our head, food on the table.
And 1 thing thats PMO…
1. We’re all sick. I was sick for almost 3 weeks in September and now again… *sigh* It’s been so long since i’ve been sick that i’ve forgotten how horrible it is. I’m off to the clinic in the morning with the kids again. Good times. Oh, and 2 days into October i’m over budget… off to a great start.
Alison—so sorry that you lost your daughter and I’m sure raising more kids is a challenge but an act of love at the same time. My sister raised 4 of her grandkids for most of their childhoods. It is a hard job but they need you. I also lost a daughter but it was in 2005, and the pain does become less acute after a while, and mine had no husband or children. That does not mean I don’t still miss her, just that it’s at a tolerable level.
Katy – you’ve been through a tough time with both kids off to college – proud that they got there, but of course a change in routine at this level is bound to be upsetting. Hang in there – ideas will flow again!
1. Happy to live where we have stunning fall weather; changing leaves, warm days and cool evenings. Summer was also OK – some very hot days, but never to such length that we couldn’t handle them.
2. Husband took me out for dinner tonight – mediocre meal; still, didn’t have to cook and makes me appreciate my own home cooking.
3. Elderly dog is sick – will take her to the vet tomorrow – not cheap, but will do what we can to help our beautiful beagle. She has been a lovely companion but fear she may not make it this time.
4. Good reading material from half-price books – not too expensive for my hobby.
5. PMO: As others have mentioned, the current political situation, with particular emphasis on those who do not take this election seriously. Our new president will have her/his finger on the nuclear button, make policy concerning growing income inequality in this country, and deal with the crisis of climate change to name just three challenges. Democracy is not a spectator sport – everyone is obligated to take part to the best of their ability.
Whew! That is now off my chest.
1. Had a lovely weekend at home with the Mister. All we did was clean house, do laundry, yard chores and errands, but it got our home back to the well-tended state that we love.
2. Remembered to take a 10 percent off coupon to the liquidation store and finally found a slipcover there that fits our very comfy, oddly shaped 1990s bedroom chair for only $18.
3. Had a delicious home cooked meal of chili and corn muffins for supper.
4. Got a free download of a book my brother wants me to read that I did not want to spend money on.
PMO: So sick of being sick with this wicked virus that’s going around. The Mister has been coughing for three straight weeks and I’m right behind him.
OMG that picture!!
Be kind to yourself these days. Both boys being gone might be one of, in not the biggest shift[s] in your life since the first was born…so surprising things might be affected. Hang in there.
I’d love to blame the boys being gone, but this has been an issue all summer.
1. My husband and I had a nice beach vacation recently. We enjoyed ourselves to the hilt!
2. I’m glad to be home and back on the “frugal” bandwagon.
3. Missed our cat while away, so glad she’s back home with us (son catsat for us).
4. Fall is here! Woohoo!
PMO: Past few days my back has been out and I can’t stand for more than a few short minutes at a time. I’m so ready to get back into the swing of things. I love my recliner, but we’ve been seeing way too much of each other. Too much of a good thing gets old. (On a lighter note, I am feeling a good deal better this morning, so crossing my fingers to be back to myself soon!)
Katy, I love the photograph of your grandfather with Judy Garland. He looks like he was quite the dapper fellow! LOL about you playing mannequin. Too cute!
Look forward to your photo surprise!
I spent a whole week in bed about 12 weeks ago after I put my back out. It’s awful! I hope you feel better soon!
I have started an exercise regime that is really helping to strengthen my back – 45 minutes brisk walking, 5 nights per week. I use my treadmill. My back feels immeasurably better.
Thank you for the tip on the exercise Mand! You won’t believe this, but I bought a used treadmill right before we went to the beach and looked forward to using it when we returned. Then came home and ruined my back with one tiny wrong move. I am hoping to be using that treadmill by the end of the week and will follow your advice! I hope your back stays strong, too! 🙂
Thank you
I started slowly, 4kph, and now walk at 6kph. I initially walked 20 minutes just to ease into it and to make sure I didn’t further injure myself. Now I’m up to the 45 minutes and feeling great.
Love the tip Mand. I am going to try starting slowly, too. I thought I might try 10 minutes per day, and if I feel up to a little more, do more, but without overdoing it. I’m excited to get where you are with the walking, hopefully before long. Here’s to strong backs and legs! 🙂
4 things that are making me happy :
* Patched things up with hubby
* Finally seem to be doing some real self-care without flaking
* Getting hours as a casual employee
* Having just a half-day today so I can bring daughter to the pook this afternoon
One thing that I’m unhappy about :
* pms…..!!!!!
POOL, not pook!
Bravo for slogging through that writer’s block. I’m not sure if it helps you, but I get a lot of great blogging ideas reading other blogs. I don’t take their topics/ideas, but they’re a good springboard.
I’m happy about:
1. Our home renovations are going along on-budget, which is great. We have to be done before Oct. 22, which is our move-in date, so we’re feeling the pressure. But it’s all coming together. 🙂
2. We’re having one of my favorite dinners tonight, Asian lettuce wraps. Yumm!
3. I got some much-needed alone time yesterday and it was heavenly. I was able to get all of my chores done while enjoying some peace and quiet.
4. We switched to a new brand of coffee beans and they’re awesome! I’m a big coffee drinker, but I like to switch up the flavors every now and then. It’s like a little kid getting a new toy. 🙂
I’m pissed off about:
5. Not having enough time to do everything!!
1- Got family photos with my husband and boys. Everybody cooperated and we’ll have some nice memories.
2- Planning a 10 year anniversary date with my husband. It feels like a real milestone after the rough past couple of years.
3- When the service man was cleaning up my dryer (covered by the warranty), he gave me some tips for maintaining my clothes washer and dishwasher- using baking soda and vinegar. I was thrilled that he gave me ideas, and didn’t try to sell me anything.
4- I got to spend time with my Dad and his wife last night with my family.
PO
Politics. Ugh.
1. Peace & quiet. Right now kids are at school and husband is at work and I have the house to myself. I try to always appreciate this time.
2. Rain. We’ve had quite a lot in the past week including last night–interspersed with beautiful, sunny, fall weather. We’re in one of the driest states, but I haven’t had to turn the sprinklers on in over a week. Love the rainy weather (reminds me of my college years in Portland) and love the savings on my water bill!
3. My veggie garden. Have had a bumper crop of tomatoes and herbs. Now my plums are just about ripe, and I even got a fall garden planted (which I never seem to get around to). We finally bought garden boxes, so I’ve barely had to fight the bindweed this year.
4. Decluttering! I seem to be finding more and more stuff we can clear out. Started tackling the toy & board game closet over the weekend, and the kids who are older now are letting go of a lot.
Pissing me off: Presidential politics. The US campaign season is way. too. long. and I’m sick of it. I’m also really concerned that many Americans seem to be watching it as if it’s a TV reality show without thinking about what it means for both our country and the US’s interaction with the rest of the world AFTER the election. Sorry to rant.
Katy, I’ve never figured out where to ask this question, so I’ll throw it in now. I’ve got a (to me) burning frugality question I’ve wanted to throw your way–not the kind where I need advice and would post it on the NCA fb page, but more the thoughtful, considered type you’re so good at. Where’s the best place to pose it? Blog? FB? Email? Thanks!
And omg, your grandfather and Judy Garland. Love it!!!
You can post it as a comment, just use a different name.
1. spent the day with my BF yesterday at a company function – amusement park with $40 in fun bucks to spend on food! All free! We had a great time (son and hubby didn’t want to go).
2. ordered some clearance muumuus for my mom (she’s 88 and wears them on top of her nightgowns in the nursing home.) they were pretty cheap and free shipping to be picked up at WM. her other ones have to be 30 years old now.
3. being taken out for free lunch from my old boss who is visiting our office today. He’s awesome and we are going for sushi! Yum!
4. grateful to have an aldi’s, freihofers outlet nearby since i need milk (1.59/gal at aldi) and bread (.89/loaf). money’s really tight this month.
5. Grateful to have cabinets and freezers full of food to help with this months meals.
Pissing me off? 2 things:
1. I applied for the long term care insurance for my mother (who has been paying on this since ’93) who is now in an assisted care nursing home for dementia/alzhiemers and they DENIED HER CLAIM! “she can walk unassisted with her walker” (yeah, no sh**, that’s what walkers are for) “she can feed herself” (yeah, she can put food in her mouth but she can’t cook or sometimes remember to eat ’cause, you know, she has DEMENTIA). Seriously, the first thing they should look at is the fact that she’s almost 89 and has dementia/alzheimers. I uploaded a 38 page file to appeal. (including nursing home notes and home, health and hospice notes stating that she should no longer live alone and should be in that type of facility.)
2. i took off my progressive lens glasses in the car and instead of putting them where i should – i put them on my console, turned a corner and they slid off, falling face down and sliding across the floor that i had not vacuumed yet. i have scratches across the ‘reading’ portion and desperately need new glasses now. (it’s like looking through a fingerprint. they were slightly scratched before, but this is annoying now). unfortunately, my astigmatism is so strong that lenses/glasses are not cheap. I ended up buying them at BJ’s (even cheaper than WM) but they wont be in for 2-3 weeks (because of my prescription). will make this month very tight since taxes are due on nov 1st.
Oh, that’s a horrible situation with your mom! Just been through moving both my parents (with varying degrees of dementia and frailty) to a Family Care Home (or Board and Care, as we would say in CA). I am, don’t know if enjoying is quite the right word, but am finding very pertinent and useful, a book called A Bittersweet Season: Caring for our Aging Parents – and Ourselves, by Jane Gross. Lovely writing, useful information, and very validating that YOU CAN ONLY DO THE BEST YOU CAN, and sometimes NONE OF THE CHOICES ARE GOOD ONES. Much love as you move through this tough, tough time.
And appeal the long term care decision, or at least get clarification about when they WILL pay for care.
I am sorry about your mother. I know that this is a difficult time for you and your family.You may have already done this, but I have three suggestions. All learned the hard way
.1) Before you file your appeal, make sure that you have a copy of the Certificate of Insurance. These policies usually outline the exact requirements for a patient to enter long-term care. Make sure you address each of these items directly and provide supporting evidence for each. Don’t expect them to put two and two together, because they won’t.
2) Secondly, if this doesn’t work file a complaint with your state’s Department of Insurance. They will often provide the contact info for someone that handles important and contentious claims. That way you bypass the lower level claims handlers.
3) Lastly, there are eldercare lawyers out there. They may be able to take care of this quickly and save you a ton of aggravation. Even though it may take some money up front, sometimes it is worth it to call in a professional.
Hang in there! It may take along time to get your money. I fought my health insurer and won. It took five years.We have a claim outstanding on behalf of my MIL that is 3 years old. Of course, it is with the VA which is a different problem all together. Don’t give up!
Bee – you and Mairsydoats have covered pretty much what I wanted to say – I’ll add also, to contact your representative.
My heart goes out to you with all you’re facing. My husband and i took care of my parents during their last two years, but I do have a suggestion. If you’re mailing documents, letters, whatever it may be, keep a copy and send the other copy certified so they can’t claim they didn’t receive it. It was like pulling eye teeth to get anyone to follow through on anything in our situation. Wishing you the best.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I was able to upload the appeal, so I have an electronic note stating it was received. Part of the appeal packet was a letter stating exactly what us happening (based on why they declined her) and if they decline her again, the nursing home and I are going to the state insurance commissioner. The NH was also shocked they declined her. The director said she saw this a lot in another home she worked in, but hasnt seen out in this facility often. My SIL is a per diem nurse and worked here many times and she doesn’t remember anyone having issues. It just bugs me that its so obvious (based on the assessments from everyone) that she can’t be in her own apartment anymore but now I have to fight.
I called the letter ‘a heart attack in an envelope’.
My thoughts are with you for all you’re dealing with. The letter sounds appropriately named. I hope all works in yours and your mother’s favor.
1. It’s still mighty warm in the afternoons (90 degrees some days!) but the cooler nights are something to really make me happy here in Florida. Also, I just love fall.
2. My grandchildren make me happy, even when the 7-month old grabs my pierced-ear earrings and pulls hard.
3. I’m happy that I have family planning to visit for Thanksgiving.
4. I’m happy I found some swing top bottles at Goodwill, and they look brand new. I use them for brewing kombucha and mead and they are hard to find used.
5. Happy that the local office of the Florida fish and game commission was privileged a few days back to perform a manatee rescue near here — a mother and her calf were found stranded in a tiny, drying-up pond in the woods, miles inland, by fish and game personnel clearing the roads from hurricane Hermine. The manatees had been washed ashore during the hurricane and had been trapped in the woods for 26 days. They were both malnourished, but uninjured, so they were thoroughly examined and released back to the water, and tracking indicates that they are behaving normally. Hurray!
My PMO:
My daughter has been waiting months on an insurance settlement for property damage to her house resulting from a car wreck that ended up on her front steps (no serious injuries). The two drivers’ insurance companies are fighting over who has to pay to fix the house.
I hadn’t heard about the manatees. That is good news!
1. The thoughtful creator and readers of/commenters on this blog!
2. Hot water in my bath; turns out our new-ish hot water heater had 2 temperature adjustment thingies! I won’t bore you with the dozens of useless other things we tried adjusting before discovering that.
3. The community garden I volunteer at had a huge crop of sweet potatoes!
4. Re-watching West Wing on Netflix; fake politics is nicer than real politics.
PMO: Even on West Wing, sexism was rampant. As another commenter noted, we can’t escape or ignore election reality. More’s the pity!