The Non-Consumer Advocate

I have a new game show here on The Non-Consumer Advocate called Goodwill Guesses. The object of the game is to guess whether I bought or didn’t buy particular Goodwill items.

Let’s start!

Contestant #1 is an original art print for the low, low price of $2.99. It’s signed by the artist and is numbered 40/500.

Heres a detail shot so you can fully appreciate the artistic aesthetic:

Sooo . . . Did I buy it?

Sadly no, as it didn’t really fit in with my current decor style. Plus I feel it would look better in a dentist’s office than a private home.

Let’s bring on contestant #2!

She’s a mini muscle massager that’s only slightly used.

Sooo . . . did I buy it?

Also no. Just no. No.

Contestant #3 is this beaut. Not the fake plant, not the glass inset coffee table, we’re talking about the antique blue dresser. She’s $30 and sturdy as can be.

Sooo . . . did I buy her?

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! Not only did I fork over the $30 for the dresser, but thanks to Craigslist she found a new home in under 24 hours. And my son’s college account is $50 richer from the transaction.

Contestant #4 is a special guy, kind of a trickster. He’s been known for pranks that end badly, but could still be a great addition to your carefully curated home. (Although you might want to follow Reverend Pat Robertson’s advice and say a prayer over him.)

Sooo . . . Did I bring him home?

You may be thinking “Of course Katy brought home this special object d’art,” but you would be wrong. I’m not really into the color grey.

Contestant #5 is another piece of art, and although it too features nudity like contestant #1, it’s somehow just a wee bit classier.

The glare makes it hard to see the detail, so here’s a second photo:

This was a hard one, but YES I did buy the 1922 Maxfield Parrish Daybreak print in original frame. And then I sold it to blog reader Renée. More money for my son’s college account!

(Here’s a helpful financial tip for all you parents out there. Don’t wait until your kids are 17-years-old to start their college accounts!)

Contestant #6 is a Geisha with attitude. Although most geisha souvenir figures have a serene, non-violent quality, this lady is looking for any excuse to kick your sorry ass! Her stance and hand formation tell you that she more than happy to squash any misconceptions you may have about geishas.

Here’s another picture of her from a different angle:

Sooo . . .  did I buy her? Of course not! I have enough in my life to inspire nightmares, arigatou gozaimasu!

So, how’d you do? Were you able to accurately guess which Goodwill treasures came home with me? And don’t feel too badly if you got many of the questions wrong, this game show was insanely difficult.

Well, insane is right.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

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It’s time again for Goodwill, Badwill Questionable-will, where I share some of the rather spectacular things I come across during my thrifting adventures.

First up is a very special treat for you. Why? Because it combines steampunk with snails, clocks and monkeys. Plus, it’s priced at $19.99, which I would expect from a priceless antique, but this bizarre juxtaposition of whatnot is plastic, as can be seen by the broken off right foot.

Truly baffling in so many ways.

Next up is a pepper shaker sporting glued on florist marbles and wire. I have asked you before to stop gluing florist marbles onto stuff. It is ugly, it has always been ugly and it will always be ugly. Nobody wants to receive it as a gift, not your gramma, your aunty, your momma, your mammy. (<– Macklemore quote!)

I beg of you, please.

Remember how I always come across targeted savings banks? Well today was no different from any other day. (<– Passover reference, yo!)

My old friend Hobo Warren Buffett made a repeat appearance, this time sporting a rosier nose and a dirtier plinth. (Seriously, compare him to his doppelgänger above.)

Not to be outdone is the new-to-me Trip Money bank. She fits quite nicely with her brethren:

• Retirement Fund
• Wine Fund
• Green Fees
• Girls Night Out
• Therapy in a Jar
• Casino Money
• Tax Money
• Swear Jar

They like to travel in groups.

And although “Katy” is far from a rare and exotic name, “Katy with a Y” is. Which is why this placard caught my eye. Luckily my younger son was present to snap a quick photo of me posing with my namesake. I did not buy it, as I have come to the point in my life where I can procure that shopping rush from photographing instead of buying fun but unnecessary (an unwanted) items.

A key towards my goal of an uncluttered home.

I saved the very best oddity for last because that item, my dears is:

Flamboyant New Gingrich!

You know, from how Liberace would display a photo of Newt.

• Rhinestones? Check.
• Cloisonné? Check.
• Exotic Key West-style bird? Check.
• Newt Gingrich with a come hither hand gesture? Check.

Man, do I love Goodwill!

What did I buy?

Just this small Jonathan Adler-esque flower pot. I have been wanting to start adding indoor plants to my house ever since I read The Crunchy Chicken’s Non-Toxic Avenger book. You know, for purifying the air. So why not do it in style?

The flowerpot was priced at $2.99. However, it was half-off as it had a purple tag. (This week’s 50%-off color.)

And $1.50 is well within this Non-Consumer Advocate’s price range for impulse purchases.

See how well it pairs with my Adler-esque lamp?

Mind you, it’s no flamboyant Newt Gingrich, but a girl can’t ask for everything in life.

Have you been finding treasures in your thrift shops lately? Please share your stories in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

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