Be Katy

by Katy on April 4, 2010 · 10 comments

Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project is a terrific book. No, I take that back. It’s actually a fan-flippin-tastic book! Not only did I thoroughly enjoy it while reading the book, but it’s resonated with me ever since. Sadly, it was a library book, so I no longer have it in hand. But thanks to the magic of the interweb, I do have access to Rubin’s Happiness Project blog, from which I can happily glean all sorts of information.

Rubin conducted a 12 month long happiness project focusing each month on a different “Personal Commandment,” of which my favorite was to:

Be Gretchen

Recognizing who she was, and importantly, recognizing that what makes other people happy was not necessarily what made her happy.

This is very true for me.

What I like to do is very different from a lot of my peers. I don’t enjoy knitting, (I know  — this is blasphemous!) I’ll never sign up for a “fun run” and there’s not enough tea in China to make me join the PTA. I do enjoy spending hours a day working on the blog, (for which I receive a pittance in compensation) would read for hours if people would let me and would rather go for a walk with a friend than sit with her in a bar or coffee shop.

Recognizing who we are is an important component of self-awareness and happiness.

Click here to read Gretchen Rubin’s  blog post about how the realization that she’ll never be that person who goes to hear jazz at midnight actually saddened her.

I will continue to write about this book, and will be doing a book giveaway in a few weeks. I would like to do a series of posts about this book, so let me know if this is something you’d be interested in.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”


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The Illusion of Control

by Katy on April 2, 2010 · 16 comments

The times when I get most stressed out are when the tiny detailed tasks of daily life inflate themselves to gargantuan proportion and sweep me off my feet. I’m never going to be a perfectly organized person, but I can try and stay on top of things. And mostly, I do a decent job. The house may not be clean if your standards run towards Martha Stewart, but the laundry gets done, meals get prepared, the dishes get washed and the adult rooms are generally pretty tidy-ish.

But sometimes I whip myself into a frenzy of accomplishment that threatens the type-A’s and gives me an empowering sense of taking care of bidness.

Take this Tuesday as an example.

I started the day with a bang, with kids off to school, a blog post efficiently written and neat and tidy to-do list to rival all to-do lists.

  • Pack up The Story of Stuff book to mail to the giveaway winner? Check.
  • Call new insurance information to the kids’ dentist? Check.
  • Two loads of laundry washed and hung to dry? Check.
  • Litter boxes scooped? Check.

Okay, I won’t torture you any further here. I’m sure you get the drift.

I had agreed to clean one of my mother’s rental cottages while the kids were at school, so I grabbed my book to mail, (my mom’s post office never has a line) the audio book I’m currently listening to, library books to return and drove across town with special latex-free cleaning gloves even stashed in my purse.

I was drunk with power only a well organized woman can know. I am organized, here me roar!

But you know what I didn’t remember to bring? The keys to my mother’s rental house. So sure, I had gloves, audio entertainment and batched errands to run, but I had no access into the actual house I had agreed to clean!

So did I bang my head against the steering wheel and wail? No. I laughed really hard, all by myself in my car. So much so, that a guy started staring at me.

Because control is an illusion. Sure, I can take care of this detail and that errand, but it’s never enough.

I did figure out that my step-father was still at home, so I was able to drive the couple blocks over and grab a set of keys. Which turned out to be unnecessary as the previous tenants had chosen to leave the house completely unlocked when they left.

Which also made me laugh.

Does lack of control drive you up the wall, or are you one of those people that have every detail taken care of at all time? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Help — Desperately Seeking Ideas for Japanese Host Family Gifts!

by Katy on April 2, 2010 · 42 comments

My older son is going on a two week long class trip to Japan in 17 days, and will have the incredible experience of staying with two different host families. He also went to Japan after fifth grade, so I know that the host family gifts (omiyage) are a really big deal. I want to give gifts that are generous, unique to Oregon yet are still welcome. I don’t want to be cluttering up a home that’s thousands of miles from my own, and of course I want stay within budget.

Tall order? You betcha!

When my son last visited Japan, we knew the stats of each host family way ahead of time, but such is not the case with this trip. This unfortunately means the gifts have to be somewhat generic.

So far I’ve bought two boxes apiece of Tazo tea, (Chai and “Calm”) which is a local company and, according to a Japanese friend, a welcome gift. I do like the idea of giving consumables, but don’t want to burden my son with heavy, breakable or or gifts that are sensitive to temperature shifts, (like chocolate.)

One friend recommended homemade granola, which might work out, but I really want to make these gifts special. After all, these families are going to a huge amount of effort to welcome my son into their homes.

And by the way, I am totally willing to break The Compact and buy new items for this occasion. This is not a time to be climbing up on my soapbox.

Okay fellow Non-Consumers, I need your help. What ideas do you have for Japanese host family gifts? Please, please, please share your wisdom in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Non-Consumer Mish-Mash

by Katy on April 1, 2010 · 24 comments

It’s time again for Non-Consumer Mish-Mash, where I write a little bit about this and a little bit about that.

A New Discovery

My son and I were driving home yesterday from finally ordering his glasses, (yay!) when I noticed a store that had somehow escaped my notice. Not only was the parking lot full to bursting, (a good sign) but the store’s signage was so big as to be almost noticeable from space.

I cut across two lanes of traffic and aimed our brand new SUV towards the store, and boy am I glad I did, because this store was so wonderfully cheap I may never shop anywhere else ever again!

My son and I were greeted by a lovely older gentleman whose kind welcome warmed my heart. He must have been the owner.

We grabbed a shopping cart and began to grab the bargains left and right to fill it up. Myley Cyrus CD’s with all the profanity removed? Awesome! Cases of bottled water so crystal clear as to melt my heart? Bring it on!

Before I knew it, my cart was filled to the brim and it was time to pay for our purchases. Sure, there was some pushing and shoving, but I pretended I was a punk rocker and this was simply a mosh pit. The check out girl tried to sell me some reusable bags, but that’s just un-American, (I’m all about supporting the manufacturing industry at all costs) and I got the plastic bags I deserved.

Wow. Thank you Wal-Mart!

Feeding a Family of Four on a Budget

It’s getting harder than ever to keep a family’s food budget under control, but I’ve worked out a system that is sure to both save money and keep us filled up at all times!

And it’s called McDonalds drive through!

Before you jump to criticize, please hear me out. McDonalds is cheap, filling and most likely within a few miles of where you live. Add in the convenience of not having to cook or get out of your car, and it’s a win-win situation. My family eats at least 21 of our 35 meals per week from McDonalds and we’re never been happier!

Our favorite tricks are to order the double cheeseburger value meals and then super size it, which then feeds both the kids. My husband and I are partial to the Angus Bacon and Cheeseburgers. And at 790 calories, you know you’re getting your money’s worth. If we’re not uncomfortably full, then we know we’ve been scammed.

Give the McDonald’s diet a try. And make sure to tell them that The Non-Consumer Advocate sent you.

The Value of a Second Hand Item

My loyal readership knows that nothing makes me happier than finding second hand items that would otherwise have been sent to the landfill. My sons both had dental appointments this week, which turned out to be very profitable indeed. Why? Because your dentist’s office is a treasure trove of free and useful second hand items!

Don’t limit your dental dumpster diving (DDD) to toothbrushes and dental floss though, because their paper garbage can yield all kinds of financial documents from other patients. It’s like free money!

So next time you make a dental appointment, make sure to bring along one of your handy-dandy Wal-Mart plastic bags, cause you’ll be filling it up with goodies galore.

You’re Welcome!

Do you have any special frugal tips to add? Please share your ideas in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

P.S. Happy April Fool’s day!

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My Non-Consumer Easter

by Katy on March 31, 2010 · 34 comments

As long time readers know, I’m not one to shy away from a strong opinion now and then. And as much as I abhor the hate mail that this will invariably bring me, I’m going to go out on a limb and commit myself to another inflexible statement.

I hate plastic Easter grass!

I hate the way it feels on my fingertips, I hate the way it wraps itself around the inside of the vacuum cleaner and I’m certainly not a fan of its plastitude. (Wow. I’ve said it, and I feel so unburdened. Such catharsis!)

I know some people grow their own wheat grass from seed as a beautiful homage to nature, but that would require foresight and planning ahead. Two things that are not exactly in my repertoire.

I have a alternative Easter basket filler that I find to work out really well, which is whole peanuts. Not only do the peanuts look great in the baskets, but they’re a healthy addition to the not-so healthy Easter diet of jelly beans and chocolate. I buy the low sodium variety, (which is still pretty salty) but I don’t worry about it since we hardly ever eat salty snacks and none of us have heart problems.

The rest of our Easter is completed with long ago bought thrift store baskets, a small gift (my younger son will get a from Goodwill Starbucks Easter bunny bear, the older one a Buffalo Exchange $5 gift card.) The plastic eggs are from a co-worker who years ago gave us her surplus and a chocolate Peter Rabbit bunny from The Dollar Tree.) No fuss, no muss.

The best part is that when the kids have finished gorging on their Easter treats, the shells go into the compost and there’s not of the nasty, stringy easter grass snaking its way under the couch and into the cats.

I think the Easter bunny would approve.

Do you have Easter traditions to share? We are not Christian (I am Jewish and my husband is nothing) so our Easter traditions are wholly about the bunny. Please share your ideas in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Cleaning vs. Decluttering a Child’s Room

by Katy on March 30, 2010 · 25 comments

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve cleaned my younger son’s room I’d have a pile of cash that reached the moon. But somehow, however many times he/I/we get his room cleaned up, it’s just a matter of nano-seconds before the cleanliness is completed reversed. (Seriously, I’m going to get NASA working on this.)

Part of the challenge is that he has very little storage space, but mostly because he has too much stuff. The end result is that his room is dangerous for ambulation at the moment and that’s simply not acceptable.

It would be very easy for me to clean his room up while he’s at school, but I want him to make the decisions himself about what to keep and what to get rid of. So we’ve been spending a hour here and an hour there agonizing over these difficult decisions. Two laundry baskets of books went to Powell’s, (of which they bought a half basket’s worth) and about half his stuffed animals are off to the consignment store and then Goodwill.

He and I spent AN HOUR working on decluttering his room yesterday. At age 11 he still has all his little boy belongings, so we’re going through all his toys one item at a time, which is overwhelming. (That’s why we’re doing it just one hour at a time.) When we finished our hour yesterday, I had him work on reassembling his “Transformers” into recognizable forms. When he gets these all put together, then we can probably sell them, which we certainly couldn’t do if they were maybe/maybe not missing their pieces. This is a chore I don’t have the skill to do. Seriously.

Also, he’s about to get a daybed/trundle bed (awesome for sleepovers!) which will replace the captain’s bed which has provided underbed storage. The problem was that with the exception of the “action figure drawer,” nothing stored there was anything he ever played with.

We are far from finishing this gargantuan task, but I know we’ll get there one hour at a time. And don’t get me started on his closet.

Are you a fan of cleaning and decluttering your kids’ rooms while they’re away or working side-by-side with them? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

P.S. I super-de-duper wish we lived in Manhattan so that Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project could come over and help us declutter. Apparently, she was so gung-ho about helping to delutter during her happiness year, that she was overwhelming her friends. Why do I not have friends like that?!

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Non-Consumer Mish-Mash

by Katy on March 29, 2010 · 30 comments

It’s time again for Non-Consumer Mish-Mash, where I write a little bit about this and a little bit about that.

The Never Ending Quest for the Perfect Glasses

I wrote last week about how my 14-year-old son has passed over to the land of the blurry, and is now in need of prescription glasses. The optical store that’s connected to his vision clinic wanted $250 for the glasses my son picked out, which set off my “I can do better than that” alarm.

My husband took him that afternoon to Costco in search of glasses that wouldn’t break the bank, but my son found nothing that met his discerning taste.

Two days in Seattle added up to a break in this errand, but Sunday dawned anew on the 2010 great glasses search. I was going through the Sunday paper, when I came across a JCPenney advertisement that promised “Two Pairs of Glasses for $88!” The only Portland JCPenney is located in a mall that’s right next to a different Costco from the one my husband went to, which in my mind equalled running this errand and getting it over with.

Sadly, this was not to be the case, as the JCPenney optical department is closed on Sundays. (Deep breath Katy, deep breath.)

My son did find a pair of Costco glasses that met his approval, but the cost added up to $98. Yes, a bargain when compared to the hefty $250 price tag of the first pair, but still $10 more than two pairs from JCPenney. And I do want to get him a backup pair.

So I will dedicate the time to take my son to the mall one day after school this week, and hopefully put this errand to bed. I will buy him the Costco pair if JCPenney proves unsuccessful, and then I will also try out an online source for the backup pair.

This is why I have minimal interest in simple living blogs from people without kids, because that existence is an entirely different beast. Let’s see them try that whole minimalist, car free, my life is a zen experiment thing with four days a week sports practices, dental appointments, homework supervision and the challenge of healthy meals kids will actually eat.

Amateurs!

Addendum: I am aware that life is complicated for one and all, not just those with children. Please do know that I wrote the above paragraph thinking it was funny, which apparently was not the case. I could erase my words and pretend they never happened, but I’m going to keep them in as proof positive how very flawed an individual I am. I do my best, but my best is far from perfect. (A line I’ve actually used with my kids.) Thanks to everyone who shared their reaction to this paragraph with me.

You’re all keeping me on track and hopefully socialized enough to leave the house now and then. ♥

365 Days of Photography from The Frugal Girl

Kristen, over at The Frugal Girl has put together a new blog which will simply publish a photo a day from her life. She describes this concept as such:

“Each day I publish a new photo of whatever happens to catch my eye. You’ll find food, people, and lots of everyday, ordinary things in my photos. Because I think that beauty is everywhere… you just have to look for it.”

Click HERE to take a look at Kristen’s wonderful photographs.

The To-Do List That Sank The Titanic

I am currently reading Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, which chronicles the writer’s year long project to pore through research related to happiness and then apply these concepts to her own life.

One of the things that Rubin did at the beginning of her project was to write down a five page long to do list. Five pages! I am not a huge list writer, mainly because I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t need this kind of structure. (Really though, I don’t want the accountability of my unfinished tasks in writing.)

Rubin describes some tasks as “Boomerang,” meaning that dealing with the initial task then brings about another. (Like going to the dentist for a cleaning, and then going back for a filling.)

Today is the first day in two weeks that my kids are in school and I am home from work. I am looking around my house and seeing stacks of unsorted papers, piles of stuff I listed on craigslist, but have yet to sell and a general sense of disorder and mild filthiness.

Time for a to-do list. It might not add up to five pages, but it sure isn’t going to be a half page either.

First on list? Take kids to 2:45 dental appointment. I’ll cross my fingers that it won’t be a boomerang errand.

And by the way, this book is two days overdue at the library, so I guess I need to add “Finish happiness book” to my list.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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The High Price of Raising Kids

by Katy on March 27, 2010 · 38 comments

I have always been very skeptical of statistics that estimate the average cost of raising a child. The number are tremendously, well . . . tremendous. For a child age 12-14 (the ages of my sons) the numbers run $7560 per child, per year. Granted, this number is taking into account the larger house necessary to house children, as well as feed and clothe them, but I still scoff at this number. (Which is the number for the lowest income bracket, which we are not.)

My theory that I’ve always stood behind is that having children lowers your earning potential.

I use myself as an example.

As an experienced high risk labor and delivery nurse, my earning potential is quite good. Not only is my hourly wage quite high, but the opportunities for overtime is usually limitless. However, my husband and I have never wanted to have our sons in day care, so I’ve never worked more than part time.

My locker partner has grown children that live in another state, and she hardly ever turns down the overtime. She is famous on our unit for consistently earning six figures. That’s right, she earns more than $100,000 per year doing the same job that I do.

My husband took the kids up to Seattle for the weekend as a little Spring break treat, (don’t worry — they stayed with my sister, so it was very frugal) which left me all by my lonesome. The reason I didn’t accompany the menfolk was that I was scheduled to work both Friday and Saturday. Because I knew I had no one to come home to, I offered to stay for a full 12 hour shift both days, which ended up garnering me 6-3/4 hours of overtime. This will add hundreds of dollars to my paycheck! Had my kids been home, I would have left work when my scheduled shifts ended.

But what about men, does having children limit their earning potential as well? Yes, but differently. Because we have kids, we bought a house in Portland where our families live. (We had been living in New Mexico before kids) We wanted both the help from having our parents in town, but also to give our kids the gift of truly knowing their grandparents.

My husband’s college degree is in photography, and he ran a commercial photo studio here in Portland, which he eventually closed down. Had we been childless, we could have moved to New York City, (where we also used to live) and had a much better chance at success. Not to mention that I wouldn’t want to transfer my children out of their school unless it were an absolute necessity.

But here’s the thing, my children are more important to me than my earning potential. I don’t really think about the money I’m missing, because their presence in my life is worth more than any currency.

Do you agree with my theories on the relationship between parenting and earning potential? Please add your thoughts and insights in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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Will You be Participating in Earth Hour?

by Katy on March 26, 2010 · 12 comments

Today, March 27 marks the day that millions of people around the world will turn off their lights from 8:30 P.M. to 9:30 P.M.

The Earth Hour website describes this worldwide event as such:

“On Earth Hour hundreds of millions of people around the world will come together to call for action on climate change by doing something quite simple—turning off their lights for one hour. The movement symbolizes that by working together, each of us can make a positive impact in this fight, protecting our future and that of future generations. Learn more about how Earth Hour began, what we’ve accomplished, and what is in store for 2010.”

This symbolic act will be easy for me, as my husband and sons are out of town for the weekend, so it will just be lonely ol’ me, sitting in the dark.

Will you be participating?

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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Hindsight is not Always 20-20, Sometimes it’s 20-50

by Katy on March 25, 2010 · 29 comments

My older son recently informed me that he’d tried on a friend’s glasses only to find that everything was suddenly very clear. He also owned up to headaches and an inability to read the blackboard at school. Sadly, my husband chose not to add vision coverage to his health insurance, so any vision issues were to be out of pocket.

So I called up his pediatrician and got the name of a recommended vision clinic, which I duly called and made an appointment for. I explained that we had no insurance, and the woman scheduled us with the type of eye doctor that costs $95 instead of $150.

Smart, right?

No. Because an eye exam at Costco would have been half the price. Which I didn’t think about until I came home to start researching where to buy the glasses he now needs. Let me back up a step though.

The eye doctor walked us out from our appointment right into their onsite glasses store. (Like a museum that routes you through the gift shop.) This, after explaining how their prices were actually the same as Lenscrafters because of a lack of advertising.

We did look around the store, and my son picked out a pair of frames that he liked, which then came to $263 with the polycarbonate lenses which come with a two year scratch warrantee. I asked about discounts. Cash? Employee? (I work for a huge health system) But there was none to be had. I had the saleswoman hold our information, but left the premises empty handed. (Note: there was a $99 tray of glasses that I believe was designed to make a person feel better about buying the pricer models, cause these glasses were U-G-L-Y!)

I came home and sat down at the computer to start researching how to buy prescription glasses and found this Bargain Babe post about how she bought her super-cute glasses at Costco. And I essentially learned that for the $95 I just spent, I could have been the proud recipient of both an eye exam and a pair of glasses for my son.

Drat! Can’t exactly return an eye exam.

There are some glasses to be ordered online for as little at $7.99, but I want my son to be able to try on the glasses so we know that they fit right, feel right and make him feel good about himself. If it were me, I might take the gamble, but I can’t do that for him. Maybe for a back-up pair.

And the ironic part is that I spent most of the eye exam reading J.D. Roth’s Your Money: The Missing Manual. I guess I’m book smart, but kind of stupid when it comes to the real world.

Update: My husband just left to take our son to Costco with strict instructions to not let himself get upsold. We’ll see how that goes. I’m crossing my fingers.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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