How to be more content: Look for the good — A “Frugal Girl” Guest Post

by Katy on October 8, 2010 · 7 comments

The following is a guest post from Kristen over at The Frugal Girl. I really like Kristen’s attitude towards life, and she and I have decided that we may have been separated at birth. Well . . . except that she is Christian, I am Jewish and there’s a bit of a, ahem, age difference. Either way, we’re two peas in a pod, and I’m happy to share her column with Non-Consumer Advocate readers.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

So, today’s the first official installment in our contentment series! Today’s post and the following two will be about ways that you can be intentional about growing in contentment. I feel very strongly that contentment is not something you can sit around and wait for.

I know that sounds like such an obvious thing to say, but I think we often fall into that kind of thinking without even noticing it. Have you ever thought something like this?

“When the kids are out of diapers, then I’ll be content.”
“When my husband gets a better job, then I’ll be content.”
“If we could just move to a different area, I’d be happy.”
“When we’re out of debt, then I’ll be content.”
“When we have a bigger house, I’ll be content.”
“If only I had clothes like my friend.”
“I just want a little more breathing room in our budget.”

When we think thoughts like this, we’re pinning our hopes for being content and happy on some thing or some event or some change.

Who knows? Maybe some of that change we long for will come into our lives. If it doesn’t, though (or if it takes a long time!) some contentment skills will come in very handy.

I am certainly not immune to thinking that my discontent is tied to some sort of lack in my life. To keep this nice and real, here’s a list of things I can easily be discontent about.  I know that many of you face challenges which far exceed mine (you’ll probably read this list and wonder what is wrong with me!), but these are my honest temptations.

-my house (I hate split-foyers and I hate floors plans which are not open)
-my church (We’ve had some difficulties there, which is to be expected, as no church is perfect!)
-my van (it had a leaking problem, which makes it smell not so great, it doesn’t have storage like the new vans do)
-my children (love them to pieces, but they are definitely not perfect!)
-my husband (see above. And he could say the same about me!)
-my skills (there are better photographers, better pianists, better bloggers, better everything!)
-the difficulty I have in maintaining a clean house (homeschooling is wonderful, but having children home all day every day doesn’t exactly help keep things clean)
–working (I especially struggled with this when my kids were babies and I had to spend time away from them teaching piano)
-Mr. FG’s work schedule

If I sat here long enough, I could think of more. I should probably stop, though, because pondering unhappy things in my life isn’t terribly helpful.

So, what do I do when I get down about these things?

Most times, by the grace of God, I look for the good, and I try to focus on that instead of on the bad.

There are some situations where it’d be pretty difficult to find anything good (the oppressive situations many people in other countries face come to mind), but for me and probably for most of you, this is not the case.  If we try hard enough, we can probably find something to be grateful for!

Here are a few examples of how this plays out for me.

My house

I hate split-foyers and I don’t like how closed my floor plan is, and I doubt that will ever change.  But, I love the neighborhood we live in.  The towering oak trees, the wide streets, the space between houses, the pier at the end of the road…I purposely think about that instead of about our house being a split foyer.  Also, I like the fact that we have a yard.  I can grow things, my kids have a swing-set, and they can play in the yard.  Plus, our house is within a very short driving distance of grocery stores, thrift stores, my bank, my music store, the library, and several produce stands.

My van

Sure, it would be lovely to have a new van with more space and a nicer smell (we have cleaned the carpet and Febrezed it, by the way!).  But there are good things about my van…it’s paid for (that’s the best kind of car to have!), it’s reliable (we’ve only had one non-maintenance issue with it and it’s got over 100,000 miles on it now), it’s got space for all six of us, plus room for one extra person, it gets good gas mileage, especially for a van, and it’s black (I’d much rather have that than some sort of really loud or really dated color).

My husband/children

I’m sure you know that when you live with people, their flaws become glaring.  If I don’t make an effort to the contrary, I can start to see only the flaws in my family, and that’s a recipe for discontent.

When I purpose to see the good in my husband and children, though, my attitude changes.  Yes, Sonia and Zoe fight a lot, but they are getting better at playing together.  Yes, Zoe can be awfully high maintenance, but she is hilarious.  Yes, Joshua sometimes has difficulty being kind to his sisters, but he’s generally a thoughtful guy. Mr. FG doesn’t always do everything the way I want him to (hard to believe, I know ;) ), but there are many things he does well (you can read about them in my anniversary post).

Mr. FG’s work schedule

Mr. FG has had some very unpleasant work schedules over the years, and his current one is kind of bad (we’ve had much worse, though!). We go to bed at 8:00-8:30 pm, and get up at 4:40 am, and since he works Tuesday-Saturday, we have to do this even on Friday nights, which means we miss out on some fun activities then and during the week. His schedule also makes it hard to carve out time for just the two of us because the kids are always up while he’s home.

On the upsides, though, he has a job, which is a huge blessing. And the early schedule does give me time to blog before the kids get up. Mondays off are weird, but at least we homeschool and so we can all be off on Mondays. And if we want to do something together as a family, Monday is a good day…nothing is crowded on Mondays!

Working

I know some moms really enjoy having a career and they find it to be fulfilling, but I never, ever wanted to be a working mom.  Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  But, our financial circumstances have always made it necessary for me to work part-time, mostly in the form of teaching piano.  This has definitely tempted me to be discontent over the years, mostly because of the time this takes away from my kids.

There are things to be grateful for here too.  I’ve been able to teach at home, set my hours mostly as I wish, and keep my kids at home (the moms of my students have always watched my kids).  I’ve been able to work at something I love (music), doing something I think is important, and I’ve been able to provide some necessary income.  And more recently, I’ve been able to cut back my teaching hours significantly and that has made more time for mothering and homeschooling.

Hopefully that gives you a bit of an idea of how this works in my life…I could flesh out more of these, but my children want some breakfast.  ;)

Does it work?

The idea of looking for the good is so simple, but so hard to consistently apply.  It takes real mental work to shift your focus from the negative to the positive, from the bad to the good.  But based on how I see this working out in my life and my children’s lives, I really do believe that it is effective.

In fact, just as I was typing the section about working, I saw this in action.  I felt a little bit bummed out after writing the first paragraph, but after I finished the second one, I no longer felt that way.

I see it working in my children too.  Recently, Sonia went through a phase where whenever anything went wrong in her life, she’d fall into the depths of despair and declare, “This is a hooooorible day!!”, or “I hate this day!”.

To help her quit this habit, I had her immediately sit down wherever she was and think of 3 things to be grateful for.  It was amazing to see the transformation come over her as she counted her blessings…as she thought of the first blessing, her frown persisted, but usually by the time she got to the 3rd blessing, her bad attitude was gone.  And amazingly enough, after some time she stopped making horrible day declarations altogether.

Looking for the good is definitely not the only way that I deal with my temptations to discontent…there are two other really important tools in my contentment toolbox, and I’ll share those with you in the next two weeks.

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Rowdy Kittens eBooks — A Winner, Plus Fantastic Reader Comments

by Katy on October 7, 2010 · 3 comments

Thank you to everyone who entered to win their own copies of Tammy Strobel’s simple living eBooks. The randomly chosen winner was Jennifer, whose comment garners her some terrific reading material for her own simple living journey.

Thank you to everyone who entered this giveaway. I have some fan-freaking-tastic giveaways coming up in the next few weeks, so make sure to check in every Monday for your opportunity to win!

Here are a few of the reader comments from you guys, which as always are the best part of The Non-Consumer Advocate. I’ll start you out with what I’m doing.

Katy:

I have been ruthlessly decluttering our enormous house. We are adding a second bathroom and extra bedroom, which means that we’re losing our storage space. Suddenly all this Stuff that had been out of sight is in my everyday line of vision. My goal is to only have things I actually want to look at live in my house. I know that sounds like a bit of a “duh” situation, but that means the life size Darth Vader standup needs to find a new home! Yes, it’s cool, and I have lots of great Star Wars birthday party memories associated with it, but it has no place in my bedroom. Today I am going to go through a tall chest of drawers that hold extra school and art supplies and donate the majority to SCRAP, which is:

“SCRAP (School & Community Reuse Action Project) is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that inspires creative reuse and environmentally sustainable behavior by providing education programs and affordable materials to the community.”

Yesterday I:

  • Loaded the minivan up with all the leftover stuff I had been storing from last year’s garage sale and took it to a secondhand shop, (they paid $12 for some of it. I could have accepted more $$ for store credit, but that would have defeated the purpose!) and then to Goodwill.
  • I also dropped some kid crap stuff at the children’s consignment store, where they gave me $12 for things I had brought on a previous trip.
  • Later, I sold a pair of my son’s hockey skates (a $2 garage sale find) through Craigslist for $7. I have four or five other things on Craigslist at the moment that have yet to sell, but my experience is that most things need to be listed a few times before the they get bought.
  • I also took four boxes of canning jars and supplies over to my father house, as he has a “canning room” in his basement. The only time I ever do canning is at his house, so it makes sense to keep all the supplies there.

I have a Japanese exchange teacher moving in with us next weekend, so my goal is to declutter the entire house before then. Yes, it’s a lofty goal, but it’s all I will be doing until then. It’s a pain in the tuchus for now, but I’m looking forward to a house that’s easier to keep clean and find the things we want and need.

Jennifer:

“We are trying to say no whenever we can. Those commitments, even just once a month, can really add up to a time drain and make life more stressful.”

Dave:

“We’re planning, at the end of our current lease, to move some place downtown to help us live virtually car-free. Also Craigslisting things to clear out excess crap (and make a little extra $$).”

Missy Lindley:

“Maybe some of the “simple living” habits I’m trying to cultivate don’t seem that “simple”: gardening, knitting, canning; however, when I do these types of things, it causes me to slow down, concentrate, and be in the moment. And that, to me, is simple living at its core. My next endeavor will be to focus on not over-committing. I love to volunteer and be helpful, but then have less time to focus on simple living. I’m working to find that balance. It’s a constant dance.”

Leslie:

“I feel like a kid at school…”oooh oohh me me!!”

I am making a big change this month by particpating in the Hang ‘Em Dry challenge over at Crunchy Chicken. Line drying exclusively and loving it!!”

Heather:

“This is right up my alley. I am trying to reclaim our “space” from our “stuff.” This weekend, I sold a chair we never use, and my old camera. I’m struggling with the smarty farty college books I never read. I may hold onto those for a bit longer. But everything else is fair game. Including the new husband’s old broken kegerator. He doesn’t even use it! It’s broken! Plus, he’s not a bachelor anymore!”

Sage Norbury:

“I’m riding a bike to work. I found it in my neighbor’s trash and there was nothing wrong with it. They had just gotten a new one.

I’m using craigslist and freecycle to “de-crap” my house and life. The more that goes out, the better I feel.”

Dynelle:

“I’ve always loved to declutter, but I’m being much more ruthless now, especially where sentimental things are concerned. I have a hard time trying to save everything from the kids. . .and I have to ask myself, “If my mom had saved that, would I have wanted to be saddled with it?” Most of the time, the answer is. . . no. So I have to realize that what I’m saving is not for THEM, it’s for ME. And do I want all the clutter? Um. . . no. Gotta let it go.”

Sharron:

“What a great give-away! Ironically, we are downsizing from a two car family to one car–not perfect but better by far. My daughter and I are going to try to share. Our city now has bike racks on certain buses, so hopefully I’ll be able to ride my bike part of the way and then catch a bus on some days. She’ll walk to school on others. IF we can sell the second car (which still has a loan balance) it will save us around $400 a month in payment, insurance, maintenance and gas. That’s a lot of cash, especially since we live on a very tight, single-parent budget.”

MP:

“The biggest change has been my mindset. Not having a steady income for a while now, I’d been feeling deprived because I couldn’t go buy things. Reading your blog and others like it made me question why I wanted to buy an item. And almost everytime it wasn’t because I needed it, but because I wanted to get rid of the feeling of lack. Now, I’m feeling much more peaceful and like I have enough.”

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Why I Love Groupon and Swagbucks

by Katy on October 6, 2010 · 24 comments

Most of my money saving efforts are fairly simple. I cook from scratch, minimize my driving, fix instead of replace, line dry the laundry, follow The Compact (mostly buy only used) and stay away from the mall. There isn’t much in the way of gimmicky trickery to share. I just keep it simple and staying away from consumer cravings. However, there are a couple of money savers that have wormed their way into my life, which are:

Groupon and Swagbucks.

Groupon is a site that sells coupons for your specific geographical location. It’s mostly things like “$200 worth of bikini waxing for only $50,” or “$50 gift certificate to a restaurant you never go to for $20.” But occasionally, (and often enough to make it worth getting their daily e-mails) there’s something too good to pass up. So far, these are the Groupons that I’ve bought and then *gasp* actually used:

  • Two tickets to a Trailblazers preseason game for $10 apiece.
  • $20 gift certificate to Noho’s, a nearby Hawaiian restaurant that my kids salivate over for $10.
  • $15 gift certificate to Sweetness bakery for $7.
  • $10 Dave’s Killer Bread bakery coupon for $5.

There are a number of other sites popping up such as Mobba, from whom I bought an $8 bowling coupon that covered four games for four people and the shoe rentals! (Seriously, this was an awesome coupon, as a friend and I took our four combined kids to this bizarrely expensive bowling alley for an extended afternoon of crazy fun!)

It’s fun to have a restaurant gift certificate tucked into my purse, and we all enjoy getting out of our routine a bit without having to break our budget.

The other somewhat gimmick-like site that I recommend is Swagbucks, which is simply an online search engine that randomly awards “swagbucks” which can then be used to buy gift cards and other stuff in their “swag store.” This may sound like a pain in the tuchus, but I (and many others) have found that it’s actually a rather fantastic way to accumulate Amazon gift cards. (And in case you think I’m being hypocritical here, Amazon sells new and used goods.)

Since starting to use Swagbucks this year, I’ve earned enough Amazon gift cards to buy a large Pyrex storage set, a subscription to This Old House magazine and a couple of The Office theme T-shirts for my husband birthday. (Shrute Beet Farm anyone?) I’m currently hoarding $60 worth of Amazon gift cards to apply towards holiday gift giving and will earn a few more before December.

Swagbucks is not as great as Google or Bing, but most of the time a simple search is all that’s needed. (The address for a local business or a company website.)

Are you using Groupon or Swagbucks, if so what deals have you scored? Please share your stories in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

Disclosure: There are affiliate links in the above post, but please note that there is never paid content in The Non-Consumer Advocate, and I would never recommend a product that was counter to The Non-Consumer Advocate code of ethics. 🙂

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A Nightstand’s Story: From Curbside to Bedside

by Katy on October 5, 2010 · 32 comments

  

The "before" shot of my curbside nightstand. It's certainly a sturdy piece of furniture, but is uglier than a stampeding "Black Friday" mob. I do like the detail at the foot though.

The top surface of the nightstand was less than impressive.

The post-sanded nightstand. Please excuse the photo, the sun was kind of harsh at this point.

The post-primer step. So far so good.

Here is the nightstand after two coats of semi-gloss latex paint I gleaned from my mother's basement.

The top surface of the nightstand looks super crappy. I waited between coats, and even thinned the paint a little bit. I think it turned out this way because the sun came out while I was painting the last coat, and it was drying as I was painting. I would have thought I was immune to this possibility here in Oregon. (I guess I should have worked on this project in June, when it was cloudy every lovin' day!)

Here is the nightstand with some Goodwill baskets thrown into the cubbies. It is not perfect, but it's a thousand times better than before. The ugly knob is still in place, but only because there are three (?) drilled holes behind the face plate, which means I couldn't use the cute beveled glass knob I had in mind. I may paint it black.

I am slightly frustrated that this piece of furniture is not as impressive as The Frugal Girl’s masterpieces. But I am not going to start over again. This nightstand will be going into our spare bedroom, which is a week-and-a-half away from becoming the not so spare bedroom. This is because we will be hosting a Japanese teaching assistant for six months, and I highly doubt that he will spurn our hospitality due to my poor painting efforts.

I am putting a full effort into decluttering the house this week in preparation to having this addition to our family, and apologize if too many of my posts focus on the subject.  (I guess I’m nesting?!)

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Monday Giveaway — All Three of Rowdy Kittens’ Simple Living eBooks!

by Katy on October 4, 2010 · 64 comments

It’s Monday here at The Non-Consumer Advocate, which must mean it’s time for another fantastic giveaway! This week’s giveaway is for not one, not two, but three eBooks written by Tammy Strobel of Rowdy Kittens fame. (This is a $33 value.)

For those not in the know, Rowdy Kittens’ tagline of “Social change through simple living” is not just a catchphrase, but also a way of life for Tammy and her husband Logan. 100 possessions? No problem for these simple living enthusiasts, whose small Portland, Oregon apartment holds the essentials and not much else.

Today’s giveaway is for:

Smalltopia

“Which is full of tips, tools, and strategies to help you create personal freedom through a very small business. Smalltopia is broken up into three sections: Philosophy, Business Essentials, and Case Studies. The ebook tells my personal story of escaping the rat race and the lessons I learned along the way.”

Simply Car Free: How to Pedal Toward Financial Freedom and a Healthier Life

“Five years ago, we lived the “normal middle class” suburban lifestyle. We were newlyweds with flashy rings, living in a two-bedroom apartment, driving two cars, commuting long distances to work and living well beyond our means. The idea of living without a car didn’t seem possible.

By changing our perspective and planning small steps, we learned lessons that simplified our lives and got us out of debt. Going car-free was part of our downsizing process and was one of our first big goals toward living intentionally.”

Minimalist Health: How to Focus on the Essentials

“Your life is your message, so take care of yourself. You only get one body and one mind. Cultivate both, be happy and do good.”

To enter to win these eBooks, write a little something in the comments section about any change you are making, (or want to make) to live your life more simply. I can randomly choose a winner on Wednesday, October 6th at midnight PST. This contest is open to all, (not just U.S. residents) as I will e-mail the downloadable books to the lucky winner. (Woo-hoo, no post office trip for me!) Please enter only once.

Thank you very much to Ms. Strobel for providing these eBooks for one lucky Non-Consumer Advocate reader. Good luck!

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Money Making, The Katy Wolk-Stanley Way

by Katy on October 1, 2010 · 15 comments

I like to make money. Not enough to work full time or regularly pick up the tantalizing overtime that my hospital pays, but I crave it nonetheless. (There is a direct inverse relationship between my job satisfaction and how many hours I work.) I get a thrill from selling thrift store finds on Craigslist and I’ve been carting unwanted reading material to used bookstores for longer than I care to admit. When a neighbor put a recycling bin full of old books on the curb, I drove them over to Powell’s and made a tidy profit, which is exactly what I did at the end of a garage sale when all the books were free. Sure, this all happened years ago, but I still remember how good it felt to use my ingenuity to make a few bucks when money was tighter than Nicole Kidman’s forehead.

I now enjoy teaching my kids how to make money the Katy Wolk-Stanley way. And they’re as happy as clams to water neighbor’s plants, sell old toys on Craigslist or schlep a box of books over to Powell’s. I feel that these techniques are life skills that will serve them into adulthood. Earning a regular income can take years to achieve. But if they can absorb these lessons early in life, they’ll always have the ability to provide for themselves.

Am I raising future pickers? Probably not, but to quote Mike Wolf:

“When other people see junk, we see dollar signs.”

Which I totally love.

Are you a fan of making extra money through your creative ventures? Please share your stories in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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Greenwashing Done Right

by Katy on September 30, 2010 · 21 comments

I made a fresh batch of laundry detergent today, which meant a new box of borax was in order. And guess what? The packaging had undergone a dramatic transformation from fuddy-duddy to eco-chic.

That’s the kind of greenwashing I can stand behind. (Literally. Cause you see I’m using borax to do my laundry. Oh, you got that? Never mind . . . . )

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

P.S. Homemade laundry detergent is:

  1. 2 parts Fels Naptha soap which is grated and then pulsed in a food processor.
  2. One part washing soda.
  3. One part Borax.

Only a small amount is needed. I use a small Oxyclean size scoop, which is slightly over a Tablespoon. The hardest part is the clean up, so I make quadruple batches.

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A Pretty Good Day

by Katy on September 29, 2010 · 10 comments

I worked the last couple of days, which usually means that my first day off is filled with chores and errands, and tomorrow is no exception. I need to grocery shop, mail out the last book giveaway, deal with some school issues, shred the enormous zucchini I brought home from work, help my mother clean one of her guest cottages and take a blowtorch to the house.

A big blowtorch.

And most importantly, I need to stop into the credit union to deposit the $70 I made over the past couple of days selling Stuff on Craigslist.

Sounds like a pretty good day.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”

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A Love Letter To Craigslist

by Katy on September 28, 2010 · 4 comments

The following is a reprint of a previously published post. Enjoy!

Hello my darling craigslist, I think it’s time I start calling you Craig.

Cause I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. Your silky smooth listings, your sweet smelling connection, your quick response to my touch.

Every time I worry that you might not provide for me, you come bearing gifts.

Free rocks for the backyard, a $50 dishwasher, an antique chair for the living room.

I know a relationship is doomed if it’s too one sided. That’s why I gave you a rocking chair, a bin of Duplos, piles of free fill dirt.

Oh, the dirt!

I worried you might fail me when I offered you the dirt. Yard after yard of free fill dirt. But I should never have worried, I know you’d never fail me.

That doubt now shames me. How could I have doubted our bond, our connection, our love?

Sometimes I wonder if I ask too much from you. I don’t want to be, dare I say it — needy.

Yet needy I am.

Furniture, appliances, landscaping goods.

I wonder how I ever lived without you.

My sweet, my love, my craigslist.

I am forever yours.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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20 Things You Can Do Today To Live A Greener, More Frugal Life

by Katy on September 27, 2010 · 20 comments

The following is a reprint of a previously published post. Enjoy!

trinity-college-library-dub

  1. Use your library.
  2. Eat the food you’ve bought, and eat then your leftovers.
  3. Shop from your closet instead of buying new clothes.
  4. Give gifts that you already own, like a couple of great books or an admired knick-knack.
  5. Go for a walk outside instead of on a treadmill.
  6. Cook from scratch.
  7. Send your kids into the backyard instead of taking them to a movie or arcade.
  8. Repair items instead of replacing them.
  9. Turn the thermostat down in your house and add an extra layer.
  10. Plant a vegetable garden. It’s amazing what you can grow in even a small space. (We grow all our own lettuce for the summer in a single wheelbarrow.)
  11. Make your own cleaning products, or better yet, clean with water.
  12. When a friend wants to get together, go for a walk instead of eating out.
  13. Choose a simple close-to-home vacation instead of a can-only-get-there-by-flying elaborate trip.
  14. Bring your own bags to the grocery store. Always. And then make sure they give you that three cent per-bag refund.
  15. Minimize your garbage output, then go to a less frequent pickup service.
  16. Drive less, and then contact your insurance agent to get a discount.
  17. Hang-dry your laundry.
  18. Decline invitations to those Tupperware, Party-lite, Pampered Chef etc. parties.
  19. Buy used whenever possible. Better yet, join The Compact.
  20. Refuse to use credit cards for anything that’s not an emergency.

Did I miss something? Please add your list in the comments section below.

Katy Wolk-Stanley

“Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.”

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